22 out of 28 tourists eat clenbuterol

No really, they do!

There was a tiny flurry of interest in this story a few days ago, but it doesn't seem to have hit the headlines.

The story is that the WADA-approved laboratory in Cologne - yes, THAT laboratory - carried out a study on "travellers" returning from China, and found that 22 out of 28 of them tested positive for Clenbuterol.

I saw this report in Universal Sports: it came from AP, who are usually reliable, but I haven't been able to track down the actual report, so I don't know how up-to-date it is. I also don't know whether they were testing business travellers, tourists, or athletes: I don't know if they were actively looking for clenbuterol, or whether the finding was incidental.

Firstly, I have to say that a sample size of 28 is ridiculous, and is statistically useless.

Rather like those silly adverts we get in the UK for some ludicrously-presented beauty product containing Fake Scientific Name and a big banner saying that 82% say "it's brilliant!"  But when you read the tiny, tiny print, that's 82% of 133 people, which makes me despair... are women so daft that they fall for it? But I digress. (no surprise there, then.)

However, 22 out of 28 is a staggeringly high proportion.

WADA have written to the Chinese government asking, in so many words, what the hell they are playing at, allowing their farmers to use this drug to fatten/leanify their cattle.  (Note for non UK readers, I don't think that "leanify" is actually a real word, but you know what I mean.) If they write back and say "Ah so," (no, no racial stereotyping here!) "we use Crenbewderoll all time, make cattle prump and lean at same time" then not only Mr Contador (Alina, note how polite I am being!) but many other athletes are going to be using this as their defence.

Meanwhile, in case you wonder why anyone wants the stuff, check out MyClenbuterol.com to see rave reviews of how to lose 24lbs during two cycles. No, nothing to do with pro cycling, these are slightly overweight  stupid females gullible women  women who pay lots of money to take "off-label" drugs, ie drugs being dished out for purposes other than that for which they were developed.

I'm sure we all remember from when ClenbuterGate started, this is a drug for people with asthma, ie people who are already being careful of their health and who are under the care of a doctor.

The chatty, friendly website even manages to do the scary bit delicately:  "By building up the dose over time, users will usually feel when they've reached a dose that becomes too harsh. The use of clenbuterol will elicit higher body temperature, possibly higher blood pressure and in some cases insomnia and jitters".

Note that "will" induce, not "may" induce...  lovely.

The testimonials are hilarious, too: "I was sceptical at first, but the visa payment went smoothly..." yes, love, I bet it did.

Oh, and they suggest that their buyers take more and more of the stuff until they feel that they have reached the right dose for them... somewhere between 80 and 160 micrograms is suggested - "By building up the dose over time, users will usually feel when they've reached a dose that becomes too harsh."

Interesting that Wikipedia - ah yes, in Wiki we trust - (not) says that 120 micrograms is the maximum daily dose....

Anyway, forget about all that, who's this handsome dude? (PeeDee, I can write it - I just can't say it!)

Go on, have a guess.

And how about a caption for this one:

"Hello, little girl, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Cougar Girl!"

or, possibly

"I wanna be your gurlfwend!"

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Finally, late breaking news,  Leopard Trek have won a race, yay! 

Yes, Dominic Klemme,  Mr Orange Head, won the GP Samyn, about half an hour ago.

Well done, Dominic!