It's today! - and I have my Andy-Flag!

It's today, it's today, Andy is racing today (although I won't get to see it until tomorrow, as LLB and I area away this weekend)....

and I have a flag to wave:

Nice, huh?

LLB bought me a string of Lux ensign bunting: I now have about two dozen of these flags,  and the first one off the string has become a small flag to be waved while watching races featuring Our Andy.

What shall I do with the others... I wonder.....

One more day to go!

And today we had the Presentation of the teams - cringe, it never improves, does it? Well, I say that: this year's effort was considerably better than that terrible bull-ring fiasco a year ago - or was it two? I can't remember.

This time they had the teams staying on luxury liners, apparently, and being brought in one team at a time on launches. With their bikes.

You would have thought that anyone with any sense - or, for example, the insurance agencies - would have !seen the potential for accidents, falling overboard, being sick, dropping bikes etc, and would have said "Non!"

However, luckily it all seemed to go without incident, there were one or two near misses which made LLB and I cry out in two-part harmony, but no-one actually fell in the water, or dropped their bike.

And was there anything of note, apart from me saying "Hi, Jakob!" and "Hi, Andy" at the appropriate moments?  (They were both looking, good, if anyone is interested: Andy was looking quite relaxed, and laughed during his interview.)

Well, Blanco have their new sponsor, Belkin, and they have a new kit to go with it: kinda similar to the Blanco kit but with the shoulders in Belkin pale green, quite retro, quite nice.

Team Trek, on the other hand (that's me trying out new names, in case you hadn't realised) turned up with newly painted bikes - weirdly, although they are by definition Trek bikes, they were painted Bianchi blue.

Which is almost, by coincidence,  Ass-t'na blue. This could lead to problems in any big pile-up - the Ass-t'na boys will grab the bikes in their uniform colour, and there will be squabbles!

Once again, though, the organisers missed the point of the presentation: we want to see who exactly is in the race, so a graphic on the screen telling us all the names would be a good start. And a clear shot of each rider in turn, with his name highlighted, and I think it would also be massively useful to have them labelled as "Sprinter" or "Road Captain" or "Climber" etc.  It would make it much easier to establish what sort of team had been sent.

Ah well, at least we saw Our Andy, and he's looking good.

Wonder if Frankie is sitting at home watching? Not much longer, Frankie, you will soon be racing again!

Two days to go - and we're Trekking!

Yay, jump up and down with excitement, only two days to go and it's Le Tour!

Even better, Trek have announced today that they have managed to claw the UCI licence out of Mr Becca's greedy little fingers bring negotiations to a successful conclusion with Mr Becca, and they now have the UCI licence belonging to Leopard SA.

They are looking for a main-name sponsor, they said, but if they don't find one before officially taking over the team, next season, they will ride under the name Trek.

*chorus of "Weee're Trekking, we're at the Tour de France!"*

So, how  much good news is this?

Let's check our requirements for next season:

1) Get rid of Mr Bruyneel.  Check.
2) Get rid of Mr Becca. Check.
3) Get Andy back to top form.  Check. Well, technically "in progress", but I have faith.
4) Keep Fabian in the team. Check.
5) Get Jakob back.  Working on it.
6) Keep Jensie on in some capacity, even if he stops riding. Working on it.
7) Get rid of the bad-news RadioShambles name. Check.
8) Find new sponsor to ensure stability for a couple of year. Hmm, working on it.

Well, that's not bad, is it?

Roll on 2014, I say, particularly as Le Tour is starting in the UK next year.

Yes, it really is, seems like a very odd thing to do, to drag everyone and everything over here for a low-key start - oh, come on, be honest, cycling is a tiny, tiny, minority sport in the UK - just to have to get everyone and everything back across the channel for the next stage. I mean, what if the tunnel collapses? What if the ferries sink? What if the Cats deflate?

What was that? It's been done before? Well, yes, but really, I can only imagine what the riders are saying.

Rider: "Hey, I hear we're starting le Tour in Britain next year."
Other Rider: "Oh blimey, not again, they refuse to block off the roads, they don't speak a word of French, and only half a dozen of them turn out to see us!"
Rider: "Well, it's only for a day or two."
Other Rider: *grumpily* "Oh, I suppose so." *wanders off, grizzling about it*

I actually made a memo to self, to book a hotel early, on the grounds that they would be booked up a year ahead like they are in the Pyranees.

Then I realised what I was writing, fell about laughing, and stopped worrying about it.

(A small hotel somewhere in Yorkshire)

Manager: "Eh, lass, wi've joost had an right narna on't phooowwn, wantin' to boook a room for September."
Waitress: "Well, Mr Hartingford, tha've booked a bit early, to be sure, but tha's not sooch a bad thing, is it?"
Manager: "Nay lass, you misunderstand - September o'next year! Next year!!"
Waitress: "Eh!" *throws apron up in surprise* "Who wud boook a horrtel that far in advance?"
Manager: "Er did say summat about a cycle race, but Ah think she were a bit bonkers."
Waitress: "That she must be, Mr Hartingford, that she must be."

*they both laugh at the silliness of southerners*

7 days to le Tour, and I wonder...

...do they ever try on each other's jerseys, just to see what they'd look like?

Andy: "Hey Jakob, can I try on your Astana jersey?"
Jakob: "Of course, but you have to say it ASS-t'nar, not Ah-star-nah."
Andy: "Azz-tar-nah."
Jakob: "ASS-t'nar."
Andy: "Azz-t'neuh"
Jakob: "ASS-t'nar."
Andy: "AZZ-turner "
Jakob: "ASS-t'nar."
Andy: "ASS-tuner "
Jakob: "ASS-t'nar."

(Andy grins)

Jakob: " !  " *speechless*  He throws the jersey at Andy and stomps off into the kitchen.

8 days to le Tour...

... and in the cycling news this morning, Mr Becca and Mr Bruyneel, our two least favourite non-riding cycling people, have been fighting it out in court.

Mr Bruyneel apparently lent Mr Becca (who is allegedly a multi-millionaire, and therefore shouldn't need a loan, you would have thought ) quite a lot of money in order to pay the Leopard Trek salaries, a while ago.

Remember that scandal? The one where Jakob went public about not being paid, and got a lot of flak from Mr Bruyneel, along with a strong indication that he'd be thrown off the team?

Mr Becca has still not paid it back, apparently, so Mr Bruyneel took him to court. One of those odd cases where I really can't cheer for either side.

Mr Bruyneel won the court case, and now Mr Becca has to pay him back, plus interest.

I wonder what Mr Bruyneel will be spending the money on? Lawyers?

Other cycling news, forgot to mention this one, poor old Barbie Barbie - Heinrich Haussler, that well-known German Australian - took a tumble, and guess what, he fractured his pelvis, too. Let's hope Our Andy isn't setting a new trend in injuries...

Tommy Voeckler: " Hey, I broke my collarbone in four places, just like Cancellara!"
Barbie Barbie: "That's nothing, mate, I fractured my pelvis, just like Andy Schleck!"

Finally, if you get a bit confused about which team is now called what, here is a really useful chart of all the changes from 2005 to date:

Cofidis and Eskaltel-Euskadi clearly win the prize for Sponsor Fortitude, although Lampre and QuickStep deserve a mention, as do AG2R. Well done to those sponsors!

So, anyone prepared to make a guess as to what Andy's team is going to be called next year?

Leopard Trek? (my favourite)
Leopard Iam?
Leopard-soleil?

9 days to go...

....ooh, getting exciting!

Many of the teams have announced their Tour teams already, so even though some of them are provisional, let's have a look and see if there are any Schlecklander pets in there:

AG2R (pronounced Ah-djee-dirrrs-air, as we all know) hmm, only name of note is John Gadret, and he's far from being a pet: he's the one who refused to hand his bike over to his team leader a couple of years ago, and I have borne a grudge ever since. I mean, everyone knows that domestiques have to hand over their bikes if their leaders need them!

Argos-Shimano -  no-one interesting.

Astana - pronounced ASS-t'na, of course, as mentioned by me - er, whoops, I didn't publish that post, about them trying on each other's jerseys. Maybe later in the week. So, the Ass-t'na team: well, the lovely Jakob of course, recovering from a bad training crash last week, when three of them went down while descending, and the other two were both so badly hurt that they are now OFF the Tour list, so you can imagine what a narrow squeak Jakob had. They have only nominated four riders so far, so let's hope they scrape up a couple more before the race starts.

Blanco - about to be re-named Belkin, as they now have a new sponsor. I heard that they were going to be revealing the new kit at the Tour, so presumably they will also change their name then. Bram Tankink! Yay! I have a golden Orfe named after him...

BMC - well, Cadel Evans of course, PhillyGilly,  and Tejay "Bumfluff" Van Garderen, always good for a laugh: and Thor Hushovd, who LLB and I nearly knocked off his bike at the Tour of Britain a couple of years ago. Whoops.

Cannondale - yes, predictably, Peter "more fun than a jammy dodger" Sagan. He's having another great year so far, and he certainly he is one of the rising-est stars of the sport at the moment. Let's hope he keeps his hands off the podium girls this time!

Cofidis: no pets, just some funny names, in particular Rein Tarramae, who always make me think of Tirimasue - and Luis Angel Mate Mardones, who seems normally to be known as Angel Mate, which to me is pronounced, Ain-jel, mate! in a chirpy London accent. Apparently they all call him Angle Mar-tay, which throws me every time.

Europcar - Tommy Voeckler made the team! He's another one who is always good for a laugh, he is so determined, and so funny when he starts "talking" to himself, and pulling faces.

Euskaltel - ah, my dear little carrots. My favourite Igor, Igor Anton, is there: they have a team made up of one French rider and eight Spaniards, hmmm, it's not the Vuelta, you know. Bizarrely, they have two riders both called  Isaguirre Insausti - Jon and Gorka - which should lead to some interesting commentator moments.

FdJ: Their nomination for Silly Name goes to their Geoffrey Soupe. I mean, Geoffrey, what a silly name! (That is a joke, of course I meant the "soup" part.) Like Astana, they haven't nominated a full team yet.

Garmin Sharp have a full team, lead by the much over-rated Tyler Farrar. Oh, that sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it? But for as long as I've been following cycling people have been talking him up, and I have rarely seen him actually win anything. OK I'm slightly biased, three years ago he was the face on TV of Garmin Transitions, the sunglasses (remember them?) and I got sick and tired of seeing his smug "here's my chin, the rest of me is following" face. I just can't warm to him.  They are also sending Ryder Hedjedal - a good choice, but we hope they are sending Mechanic Hesjerdal and Soigneur Hesjerdal in support, ha ha. Then there is Dan Martin, him of the teeth: Alex Rasmussen, him of the unfortunate surname: super-super-domestique JVS, of course (Johan Van Summeren) who has been told severly not to cut the arms off his jerseys any more. Oh, and Dave Zabriskie, who I used to like, but since his 6 month ban for doping, I've sort of gone off him.

The Dark Lords of Katusha are sending some assorted Dark Lords, no surprises there.

Lampre: they haven't quite decided yet.

Lotto are sending Greipel, who for some reason they keep calling "the gorilla" although he looks more like one of those toothless gurning old men. But I'm sure he's lovely, really - also Greg Henderson, who is one of my pets for no particular reason, but I named one of my friends' bears Henderson. 

(I was looking after a selection of her soft toys while she moved house, and do you know what, she had this sweet little bear, he had NO NAME, shock horror, and - even worse - he still had the tags on him! Honestly, does she have no feelings? Poor little bear: no name, and still with tags on, as though he could be sold on at any moment. Humph. I quickly sought and gained permission to remove the tags, and gave him a name. Henderson. So there.)

Here he is, using my Leopard Trek socks as a hat and as a sleeping bag.

Ah, at least I still have the official Leopard Trek socks, now that my *hic* Luxembourg ensign socks *choke* are... *sniffle*... no, no, I can't say it!

*overcome with emotion* sob! Oh,  my lovely Schleckland Luxembourg ensign socks! sob!

Moving swiftly on...

Movistar have sent a team of no-one in particular, the only one of interest is the unpronounceable Szmyd.

Orica Greenedge have sent a much more interesting team: it has Stuey in it, for a start, and Svein Tuft, honorary Schlecklander: also Darryl Impey, and I don't know how he is going to manage a three week race, when I still have his musette. *chorus of "here's my numm-bah, call me maybe!" while pointing to bottom*

Omega Pharma - Cav and a load of supporting sprinters, by the look of it.

RadioShambles are, of course, sending Andy along, with Jensie to keep him on the straight and narrow. Hooray!

Sky's main man is Froomey, along with Bernie Eisel - who seems to be having a wonderful time without Cav, who'd've thought it? - G, Stannard, Richie Porte, Edvald Boasson-Haagen-Daaz, and the two super domestique/robots, Kiryenka and Svitsov. No, that's not how they spell it, it's how they say it.

Sojasun are sending a team entirely made up of French riders, unsurprisingly.

Stinkoff are sending Contador, of course, along with Eeeee-bennati, former Leopard *boo! Splitter!* and apparently not one single Danish rider, which for some reason seems to have been raising eyebrows on the cycling forums - so LLB tells me, as I don't read them myself.

Finally, Vacansoleil, who are tempting fate by sending both Johnny Hoogerland AND Juan Antonio Flecha, the pair who were flung into the road/barbed wire by that cursed French TV car a couple of years ago. Grr, I'm still cross about that.

So there you have it, that's the peloton so far.. and only 9 more days to go!

Andy's doing le Tour!

As team leader, no less!

I'm so happy to have this confirmed in the news today, phew, big sighs of relief!


And only 10 more days to wait....

Tour de Suisse - Andy's improving!

Another good day in the Tour de Suisse for Our Andy: he stayed with the front group all the way, and came in 15th, just one minute down. He's now lying 42nd overall, which is great!

RadioShambles have actually put up a news report on this stage, and have mentioned Andy, which is nice (sarcastically), he said:

"... the rest of climb I felt really good.  It was a good test and I’m happy with the results.  My training is done now and the remaining days are just staying safe on the bike."

So we won't be looking for any further progress, but he's happy with his form, and feeling good. Excellent!

Alas, no tv coverage for us, which is a real shame for me, not just for missing seeing Our Andy storming up the hill, of course, but for missing the collapse of an air-bridge: I have often wondered what happens if one of these gets a puncture, or breaks loose from the moorings, and now I missed it!

Apparently this is what it looks like when it happens:

So well done to the bloke in the middle, gamely holding it up for the break to get underneath!

Andy's in the front group!

Yes, Schlecklanders, it's all been a bit quiet on the news front, but - as they say - "no news is good news" and not only is Our Andy riding well in the Tour de Suisse, but yesterday he came in in the front group. Excellent!

Here he is at the finish line, not looking too bad, all things considered.  We haven't had any TV coverage of the race at all, and I've been working all week, so I haven't had time to waste on Twitter, so it's only thanks to dear Steephill TV (from whom I pinched the above picture, as you can see by the credit) that I know anything about it.

That was yesterday, and as for today's stage, well, he came in 10mins 43 seconds down, which might seem like a bad thing: but there were the four leaders within half a minute of each other, then a massive bunch of 140 riders all arriving 10'43 down. That was either a very exciting stage, or a very dull stage.

Overall, he's lying in 69th position, 21mins 44 seconds down.

RadioShambles don't seem to be saying very much about him at all, so we will just have to make stuff up:

Me: "So, Andy, I see they gave you the number 7 within the team, then."
Andy: "Yes, that's right, I am number 37"
Me: "I seem to remember that a couple of years ago, I asked if 7 was your lucky number, as you always seemed to be number 7."
Andy: "Err, yes you did. Or was it number 6?"
Me: *worried look* "I can't remember. Maybe it was number 6..."
Andy: "Huh, call yourself a fan?" *he laughs at my discomfiture*
Me: "See, I told you that I'd been in Andyhab. I am soooo over you!"
Andy: *slightly miffed* "No you're not, you're still my fan."
Me: "Oh, well maybe just a  little bit then." *playfully punches him on the arm*

Slightly unlucky that we were on the balcony at the time, and that my Dick Emery-style punch sent him flying over the rail and into the hotel swimming pool below.

Whoops.

How to make KoM into a genuine climber's competition.

Something I find frustrating and annoying in stage races is that the King of the Mountain points are - in the first couple of weeks - usually hoovered up by people in breaks. It is the first person to cross the summit who gets the points, not the person who was fastest up the hill.

Likewise the Sprint points - how many times have we seen a break of riders in shitsmall teams sail unconcernedly across the Sprint point, not even bothering about who gets the points.

Sprinting is a bit of a problem, but I have a perfectly workable suggestion as to how to make the KoM competition more realistic.

As you probably know,  each bike has a transponder (microchip) on it, so that at the finish line, the organisers can take an accurate timing of when the bike crosses the line.

It's that little square thing, usually hanging down from the back section of the frame: 

This is why, incidentally,  there is sometimes a delay in announcing the winners - if riders have had to change bikes mid-course, or have swapped with another rider, it can cause some confusion as the transponder is either missing (if it's a spare bike) or comes up with the wrong rider's name.

So here's my first suggestion: add more decoder loops at the bottom and the top of a KoM hill, then it can easily be seen who got up it fastest.

Simple, huh?

OK, it takes out the tantalising "shall we attack? Or shall we look at each other?" tactics, and reduces it to merely who can steam up the fastest - but isn't that what climbing is about? Who can do it fastest?

Mid-race Sprints are a bit trickier: my first thought was that instead of there being just one air bridge across the road, there should be two, set a certain distance apart, so that we can see who got from the front to the end of that section the fastest. The final sprint would still be a mad scramble, by the way, I'm not proposing to change that one.

I can see a few objections to the Sprint suggestion: it removes all the tactics, and that fine judgement as to when to go and when to hold back. It would require anyone not intending to compete to move to, say, the left, to avoid blocking anyone steaming up from behind. It possibly would turn the mid-race sprints from being a display of strength and skill, to merely being strength.

And it would look a bit odd, possibly, to see someone way, way off the back of the peloton suddenly surging forward, having saved their strength for the past hour or more.  And, worst of all, there would not be an obvious immediate winner, it would have to be announced once all the riders had passed that point.

I suppose those objections would also apply to my KoM plan. But I think there's validity in the suggestion.

And if anyone is thinking how easy it might be for riders to swap bikes in order to cheat - well, there are cameras everywhere these days, and I suppose it would be as easy to have the transponder in, say, the heartrate monitor,  so we are tracking the rider rather than the bike.

Simple, don't you think?