Andy's in Oman!

*blinks in surprise*

Sorry, fellow Schlecklanders, I seem to have been asleep for a while, and I missed the fact that Andy and Frankie are both in Oman - they are riding again! Yay!

Let's hope we get some coverage of the race in the UK, as we had none at all of Qatar... I remember that last year there were problems between the host broadcaster and the UK Tv networks, so we didn't get any coverage at all, but we had hoped that thing would be sorted out by this year.

Alas, no - no coverage.

The bad news is that so far, I can't find any coverage of Oman, either! *screams and tears hair out*

They're under way, apparently - as I write, they've been on the road for about half an hour, due to finish about 11.30 UK time, and I'm stuck indoors again today due to the stinky weather we are having here - rain, rain, and oh! what a surprise, yet more rain. I have seen enough flooded fields to last me a lifetime, but please be assured that here in Schleckland, the water is nowhere near the doors. It's just that most of the gardens are full up with the stuff, so I can't get out there and work.

Ah well, it gives me time to try to track down some sort of race coverage, I suppose! *looks all around for silver lining*

So what do we have to look forward to in the Tour of Oman? *loyal cries of "Andy winning it!" *

No, Andy is not likely to actually win it, there are three sprint stages, one "undulating" stage (presumably that's a flat stage that isn't exactly flat?) and two mountain stages, stages 4 and 5, on Friday and Saturday, and those will be the two stages that will particularly interest us.

It's generally accepted that GC riders who do well here, do well in the rest of the season, so there's no pressure on Andy and Frankie *laughs* . Oh, I expect they are feeling the pressure, but hopefully they will be cheered up by riding together again, for the first time in about a hundred years.

And what of the teams? Running through them in race order - Sky are sending Froome, Svitsov (Robo-Domestique) and little Ben Swift (who is one of my pets).

Katusha are sending the usual selection of Dark Lords, still wearing red and white: Ass-t'na are sending Nibali (wonder what Jakob is up to?*waves*).

Trek are leading out with Fabian, he's wearing 31, with Andy on 36 and Frankie on 37. Which number did I decide was Andy's lucky bib number? 6, wasn't it? Let's hope it works for him this week! And let's hope that Tinkerjil is sticking to the schedule of not having her baby until next month!

The Cannondale Chipmunks are lead by Peter "Jammy Dodger" Sagan, BMC have gone for PhilGil, along with BumFluff Van Garderen: Omega Pharma ArmBands have sent Tom "snort it up my nose" Boonen - I still don't like him, but I have to have some sympathy for the guy after last year's "I have worn out the skin on my scrotum" episode. *winces* And he has Rigoberto "so good they named him twice" Uran Uran, my former Sky pet, as support.

Next we have Lotto Belisol, yet another team in Red and White this year, they have send Gorilla Gummy Bear Gruipel, who was doing pretty good stuff earlier this month.

Ah-dzjee-durrs-air are sending an instantly forgettable team with no big names - I don't think they are taking this too seriously, but there again, they are the only team to ever wear brown shorts - and Belkin, the only team sponsored by a medieval cod-piece, are sending Gesink, Lars Boom, and Martin "check spelling" Tjallingi.

The 10th team is Stinkoff, glowing brightly in hideous yellow - again, an instantly forgettable team. I have more faith in FDJ, at least they are trying, with Pinot, and Chavanel. 11th are NetApp, not much of interest there: followed by O'rica, lead by Darryl Impey, who is still managing to ride without his musette, which I have, as you might remember.

Barbie Barbie Haussler is riding for IAM this year, oh dear, how are the mighty fallen - mind you, an awful lot of pro-team riders were scrabbling for teams, and many of them have had to drop down a league. Topsport Vlanderen, Bardiani, and United Healthcare make up the 17 teams, so there you have it.

Quite a mixed bunch, quite a lot to look out for, but best of all, both Andy and Frankie! Riding together! Whoo hoo!

Err, I've just signed in to Twatter, for the first time in about three months, and Trek Factory Racing have given us this:

Seriously, guys, you own him, he's at your disposal, and this is the best photo you could get? He looks tired, pained, blinded by the sun, scrawny, and not happy.  Although the tuftage is not bad... but come on, give us nicer pics than this!!

Kit Colours and Consistency

As I said recently, I noted that one of the cycling commentators was discussing kit colours, and saying that the UCI are going to have to step in and ensure some sort of order appears among the kit colours: they want to promote the globalisation of the sport, they want more spectators, more viewers, more fans, but at present the colours are confusing, even to professional commentators such as themselves, and the constantly-changing names are baffling to new fans.

I've been saying this for years!! And here are my latest thoughts on the subject.

I think that there should be a set number of pro-teams (ie the 18 we currently have) and they should have permanent names, with the sponsor or owner having their name on the kit as well, but not as the primary name, in very much the same way that football clubs keep the same name, but have different managers, players, owners, backers etc from year to year.

So we would have Team X sponsored by Z. In much the same way that the continentals have Jelly Belly Cycling Team presented by MAXXIS. In that example, Jelly Belly are the main sponsor,  Maxxis are a smaller sponsor.  The biggest obstacle is going to be deciding on the main, permanent, identifying name. It clearly can't be a sponsor name, and it can't really be a country or town name either, as these things do tend to change.

But if we can get permanent names, then we can have a permanent association of colours with each name.

Here's my example:  Team One sponsored by Sky appear in black. If Sky decide not to sponsor, but Virgin want to step in, it becomes Team One sponsored by Virgin, appearing in black. With a huge red Virgin logo, and probably with red armbands or red stripe, but predominantly black. If the team fail to get enough UCI points to remain a pro team, then the Team One (dressed in black) slot comes available for a rising pro-conti team: if the failing team continue racing, they are known as Virgin and can have whatever kit colour they want. If they have a great year and return to the Pro Team circuit, they have to take whatever  Team Slot is available - they don't automatically get Team One in black back, they might be Team 17 with orange as their main kit colour. I don't think is wasteful of kit, as most teams redesign their kit every year anyway! As we know, the top 10-12 teams generally remain constant from year to year anyway.

I would expect that in everyday racing, the words Team One, Team Two etc would not be used, in the same way that Sky Procycling are known as just Sky, or Team Sky.

And obviously it would need a bit of thought to get 18 or so different kit colours - there would have to be a main colour and a secondary colour, I think - apart from Brown, where only Ag2R would apply for  it.

Perhaps they could have an auction, when it starts, and teams could bid for the colour they wanted - wouldn't that be a great opportunity for corruption!

Seriously, though, doesn't that make some sort of sense? It doesn't solve the problem of funding and reliance on sponsorship, but at least it's a step in the right direction, and might encourage team managers to try to "hang on" to their Team Number and kit colour, regardless of who is sponsoring them. It would provide more of an identity for a team: we could all recognise Euskaltel instantly - they are the ones in orange. It didn't matter if they were Euskaltel, Euskadi-Petronor, Equipo Euskadi, or Euskaltel-Euskadi - they were in orange, they were mostly Euskaltel, and they were instantly recognisable.  I would like to see that for all the other teams. 

I would be happier if someone could come up with a better suggestion than "Team One" for the basic naming, so do feel free to add your comments below!

Dubai - Final Day

Today's race coverage starts with the break - yet again, Skydive Dubai are out there, well done lads! Good job! They have Stinkoff and Vini Fantini with them, their shades of yellow clashing horribly in the bright Emirates sunshine.  I think it would have been better - or at least "less worse"! - if Stinkoff had gone for two blue shoulders, rather than having one yellow shoulder.  Again, do none of these kit designers ever actually watch any race footage?

Ah, here's Doper Hesjerdal going back for bottles.

Oh, I've just noticed (going back to kit again for a moment) that Trek have one thick white band on a leg, so in a really bad crash, their legs could easily be confused with Omega's arms. It remains to be seen whether this will be a serious mistake, or not. *laughs*

Our commentators are having a big discussion about Natural Breaks, ie peeing in public, and the difficulty of doing so when the entire route is in a city, even one with as few spectators as we  have here. Quiggers is suggesting that some riders divert down side streets, and LLB suggests that the organisers should sling a long plastic sheet along a section of central barrier, with a trough underneath it: a Pee Zone, if  you like.  A more amusing alternative would be to have the team car hold a bucket out of the window.  As you can tell, we are not taking this race terribly seriously.

The Dubai buildings, I have to say, are truly spectacular, especially the  hotels: the one shaped like a sail is just outstanding, but the one with the huge curved drop, with the row of balconies cascading down the side, is just breathtaking. It's certainly a good way for the government to spend their oil money, to make hotels so stylish, extraordinary and beautiful that you'd go there just to see them.

Brian Smith is now discussing kit colours again - ha ha, my favourite subject so far this year - and he's saying that the UCI are going to have to step in and ensure some sort of order appears among the kit colours: they want to promote the globalisation of the sport, they want more spectators, more viewers, more fans, but at present the colours are confusing, even to professional commentators such as themselves, and the constantly-changing names are baffling to new fans.

I've been saying this for years!! But I shall write about it on a separate post.... meanwhile back to the race.

There's 12k to go and suddenly we see groupage - I love this moment in cycling, when you see the teams suddenly forming up. Today we have all of Ass-t'na on the right, with one lone rider at the front on the left, presumably having failed to hear his team leader shouting instructions - of course, no race radios in this race. Whoops!

Only two riders have dropped out of the race, in four days of racing, which is not really surprising - there's been no crashes, and hardly any punctures, probably due to the beautiful wide, clean, new roads. Plus it's been practically all flat, and there haven't been much in the way of side winds either. There was a bit of sand on the road at one point, we saw the front riders screwing up their eyes and spitting it out as they rode, but not for long. Even though there have been some horribly tight U-turns, it just doesn't feel as fast or as dangerous as a UCI race.

6k to go and everyone is trying to get on the front, but no-one wants to starts pushing on yet.

Oh dear! 4.3k to go, and I spoke too soon about the crashes, "Jammy Dodger" Sagan is down, and is throwing his bike petulantly against the barriers. The hole in his shorts suggests that he slid out on the corner, and I bet he is cursing me, whoops!

The final 3k is fantastic, just like a real race, with all the trains pushing and shoving, Giant do a superb job to get Kittel to the line first, and Cav is nowhere to be seen. We spotted him sitting up just before the last bend,  and it turns out that he hit a bollard and lost his chain, which is really bad luck. But it was an excellent end to what turned out to be quite a nice little race.

Dubai day 3

We're back in the sands of Dubai... actually it's not quite as predominantly desert as Oman and Quatar, there is a hint of green here and there. And there are lumps on the horizon too - not what you would call proper mountains, but a bit of a change from endless flat sand.

Like Oman and Quatar, there are hardly any spectators - well, as our commentators say, it's a new race, and it's a strange sport for a country where the men wear long trousers with long-sleeved dresses over the top, and usually hats as well. What they must think, when the see a peloton full of lycra and all those bare legs and arms, I cannot imagine. So it's rather nice to see a lone man, complete with persil-white trousers and dress, waving at the camera bike. LLB and I solemnly wave back.

Talking of which, we see two riders from an unknown team drifting back towards the peloton - they both wave and smile at the camera, and the host broadcasters show it again, in slow motion. See?! This is what I keep saying, you have to "engage" with the camera bikes, you must wave and smile, or pull faces, or make hand signals, in order to get TV-time. Andy, boy, are you listening? *laughs*

Declan Quigley, one of our commentators, is suddenly talking about a suggestion he's been tweeted, that the Tour should allow substitutes, if  they don't compete for GC - what!! I've been saying this for years! This is proof that Quiggers does not read this blog, huh, *huffs indignantly*. I shall have to have words with him. Oh, that would mean going back on Twitter. Hmm, maybe not.

Wow, an interview with Frankie - and he's not even in this race! He's looking good, actually - looking healthy, relaxed, and very calm. You  know how sometimes - with the greatest respect, Frankie, honest - he does look ever so slightly mad around the eyes. Well, there's none of that today, he looks very good. And, strangely, he looks more like Andy than he used to. Perhaps later, we'll get an interview with Andy? *sits to attention*

Today is Garmin's turn to wear the horrible ping-pong helmets, clearly they are planning a sprint finish, and I notice that JVS has not tucked up his sleeves. I wonder why. I have visions of the team seamstress (they must have one, surely?) being instructed to stitch rows of stiffeners in his sleeves, to prevent tucking...

The scenery in Dubai is most interesting: there are sudden odd patches of lush irrigated greenery, with no apparent reason for it, which really stand out from the brownish general background. Just as I am thinking this, LLB comments that from the helicopter, it looks like a model railway - you know, when sad middle-aged men build complicated track layouts in their lofts, and spend hours making miniature trees and buildings, but skimp on the background, spreading out flock-covered fabric and just spraying them vaguely greeny-brown, with odd boulders, strangely out of scale, plonked down at random.

Suddenly, in the middle of nowhere, there is a sort of truck-stop area - a cluster of flat-topped buildings (no rain out there, I suppose, so they don't need pointy pitched roofs as we do) including some actual shops (we always comment, when watching the Giro and la Vuelta, "where do the villagers buy food? Where are the shops?"), one of which is labelled "Supermarket" in English. It really does look like a poorly-made scale replica.

There's a super break taking place, with a lone rider from a shitsmall team out front for km after km, the commentators have been banging on about the pollution in the area, but I haven't seen any signs of it - until I realise that the lone rider is Pliuschin. Pronounced Plee-oo-shin.Ah. He's riding for the Skydive Dubai team, and it's good to see the local lad getting lots of TV time, so well done him. Nice kit, in a rather retro toothpaste/chewing gum sort of way. He's out there alone for ages, but at 10k to go the peloton are suddenly storming along, we are starting to ramp up towards the two small hills of the stage, and he is swallowed up.

BMC, done a lot of work, suddenly appear to have run out of steam, and there's a sudden flurry of Movistar activity as the Wiggly Worms group up at the front. *waves at Alex* With a 10% hill, suddenly it's all the pro teams, and the contis just melt away, which really shows the difference in level between the divisions. I've seen it any number of times, and it's always amazing to see - you think that the pro teams are working hard, but they aren't: they are merely cruising along with the contis, until the chips are down, when they suddenly start working and zoom off. I remember seeing footage of one of those "come and ride with the pros" events, where the amateurs were slogging along, red-faced and dripping, and Our Andy pedalled up behind them, swung smoothly round and past them, all while chatting and laughing one-handed on his mobile phone....

At 6k to go, they are bombing downhill and Sagan is drinking, overtaking Valverde, and fiddling with his shoes: hey, it's a proper race! These guys really are a league apart, aren't they?

As often happens, it's a mad dash, then at 2k it all suddenly slackens off as they play the cat-and-mouse game of who is going to start sprinting first... and off they go, the final is exciting, including as it does a speed bump just as they round a corner into a narrow section. Luckily no-one falls off, although it's quite amusing to see the sine-wave effect of each rider rising up over the speed bump in turn.

It's a totally unexpected win by Kittel again, we didn't even see him on the climbs, and our commentators didn't see him in the sprint until just after he crossed the line, which is always amusing.

So, one more day to go, looks like another flat day, round the city. Wonder if Kittel will win again? Fabian's sitting in 5th place, not that it really matters, as it's not a UCI race, so there are no points to win.

I'd love to make some comments about where Andy and Frankie are racing next, but it's impossible to get any information from the Trek website unless you have half an hour to spend, waiting for the incessantly slow screen-changes. Guys, all I want is a list of races, and who is riding in them; not fancy pictures of them leaning on their bikes, I want a list of their names. OK, it's nice to have a head-shot of them as well, but not the full pics which mean you can only get four of them on the screen, and I have to scroll left and right to see all of them. Waiting 15-20 seconds per screen change. This is simply not acceptable, particularly when you think that many people will be wanting to access the site from their phones.

So I don't know when Andy will appear for the first time this year, I'm sorry to say - hopefully someone will let me know!

Dubai - TT and Day 2

At last, some proper cycling on TV! Well, ok, it's not a UCI World Tour race, but it had 11 pro teams in it, and what's more to the point, we are getting lots and lots of TV coverage, yay!

It started with an ITT which we didn't get any coverage of: but Day 2 starts with a catch-up, so we got a chance to see Fabian in his National champion skinsuit, which was, er, very red. With a big red cross on it. Looked ever-so-slightly like the fastest Swiss Army Knife ever seen on the roads, and rather-more-than-slightly like the BMC kit.

More grumbles about the kit later!

Talking of BMC, they are riding in those horrible unperforated semi-aero helmets, which make it look as though they have ping-pong balls on their heads. Yes, I know it's a race, not a fashion show, but what the pro peloton wears and rides has a big influence on what is sold to kids on the roads, and I can't see many kids opting for the ping-pong ball look. At least the spiky normal helmet had an element of style about it.

Stinkoff appear to have made a rather arrogant choice of design for their new kit - it's so yellow that from the front, all you see is a mass of yellow. With a black nappy somewhere in amongst it. I can't help feeling that they might regret this choice at the Tour - for a start, no-one will be able to spot the Maillot Jaune; for a second, if they get it, no-one will notice that they are wearing it.  It seems disrespectful to opt for a predominantly yellow kit, don't you think? Unless they are going to reveal a much blue-er kit for the Tour - sometimes teams have a change of kit mid-season, don't they - the UCI rules ("aaargh! My soul! My soul!") say that a team is allowed one change of kit per season, to allow for changes in sponsorship - but I don't know if they are then allowed to change back, or whether that would count as a second change.

A couple of years ago, Team Sky changed their blue stripe for a green stripe for the Tour, and then went back to the blue. I have no idea if they received special permission to do so.

Ooh, that's a nice kit - Giant. Who are they? Giant-Shimano,  previously known as Argos, previously Skil-Shimano, with a brief interlude as the catchily-named 1T4i. I like the go-faster stripes on the back, very easy to spot from the helicopter shots. Perhaps they chose it after seeing arty black-and-white shots of the Cannondale Chipmunks' kit.

Oh hang on, now we can see them from the front. Oh dear, they look just like Trek. Oh dear, so do Omega Pharma, who used to be blue but are now black and white as well. Hmm. Oh, here's something different, it's Movistar - no, wait, it's the same shade of blue, but it says Vini Fantini. What happened to the fluoro yellow, boys? Oh, you sold it to Stinkoff.

I like the Garmin kit - they are now practically the only blue kit in sight, and the addition of a red stripe over the shoulder is a good one, as we can see it both from the back,and from the front.

Right, enough about the kit (for now...) Dubai scenery is weird: the skyscrapers look as though they were based on the results of a 6th form competition, using only egg-boxes and sticky-back plastic - the whole place looks as though it is CGI, and every time we get the helicopter shot of the city, I expect to see Spiderman swinging through the buildings. This impression is supported by the total lack of clutter - no rubbish, hardly any cars, no people, everything is pristine, empty, desolate. It's hard to imagine people actually living here, or even visiting here, other than for one of those "immersion experiences" where you wander round a film set being scared by animatronic dinosaurs.

The race coverage - which was not particularly thrilling, btw, small break out the front and everyone else poodling along and chatting - is interrupted by an interview with Fabian, looking healthy, relaxed and rather handsome. It's quite a long interview, and I am less transfixed by the words, than by trying  to work out why Fabian speaks so strangely. (Yes, I know he's Swiss, it's not that!) Apart from the fact that his tongue appears to have a life of its own, he has those upside-down teeth that life-long pipe smokers get - but he's still very charming. At the end, LLB commented "Well, there were lots of English words there, but somehow he didn't say anything..." Didn't like to admit that I wasn't actually listening...

OOh, they're on one of the islands! I remember watching (on TV, not in real life) these fabulous islands being built: you know the story, of course - Dubai was a popular place to go, attracting lots of rich visitors (I have no idea why, not my idea of fun) but only a very limited amount of shore. And everyone wanted a sea view, and somewhere to park their posh boat. So they decided to build some fake islands just off the coast, to increase the length of shoreline. And they decided to make them pretty shapes when seen from above - clearly they knew about Google Earth and the fact that these days, we can see everything as though from low-flying planes. So they made palm tree shapes, and a cartoon map of the world, bringing in tonnes and tonnes of sand and built posh villas and hotels for all the rich visitors.

So far it seems to be a mixed success - there were problems with the intricate palm tree islands, as the water wasn't circulating and became stagnant (pooey whiff!), and there have been complaints about erosion and sinkage requiring what the developers endearingly call "sand nourishment" or "rebuilding" as we normal folk would call it. But you can clearly see from the race footage that there are indeed lots and lots of very smart villas, each with a carefully irrigated green patch around it, and many of them with a posh boat tied up out front.

Personally I'd rather have 10 acres of woodland and no-one else in sight, but each to their own... it's interesting to see it, and it makes LLB and I laugh to realise that, at ground level, you can't see the palm tree shape at all, and it could be almost anywhere!

This is a nightmare for the commentators, we have a mass of black and white as Giant, Omega and Trek are all mushed up together, and we are frantically checking their shoulders to see who is who -  Trek have one white shoulder, Giant have two thin blue armbands, and Omega have two thick white armbands and the word LATEX CO in big white letters. This makes me splutter with laughter every time I see it - I mean, of all the places to put a sponsor name, the shoulders is the one that gets the most coverage in head-on sprint action. And they have chosen to allow LatexCo to have the priority shoulder slot. Having just looked them up, their latex products are actually harmless mattresses, pillows and bed toppers, but it still makes me snigger. Good thing that Team Sky aren't here, with their two black shoulders and one thick blue armband, eh?

As predicted, it's a bunch sprint at the end, and Kittel of Giant gets it.

So what do we think of this new race? Not bad, is the answer, not bad - not the best scenery, but better than Oman. It will be interesting to see if the following days are different, or just more of the same.