Friday 24 October 2014

Ass'tna: why Vino is a baaaad leader

Ass'tna are in the headlines again, for all the wrong reasons: not only have both of the Iglinskiy brothers separately tested positive for EPO - shocked intake of breath at their stupidity - but now one of their tiny little stagiaires has failed a doping test for anabolic androgenic steroids, something which sounds as though it involves elements of a sex change along with weight-lifting enhancements.

Presumably it has some application for cyclists.

Unless the stagiaire is really a girl... which seems unlikely.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't like Vino, I was glad when he chose to retire, although I did have to give him a bit of respect for getting back on the bike after than horrendous tumble down the ravine, when he broke quite a list of bones. And why do I dislike him? Apart from him having no eyebrows? Answer, he's an unrepentant doper. I can forgive the ones who did it, confessed, and stated how stupid they'd been and that they would not do it again. But I have no time at all for the ones who only regret being caught.

David Millar is a case in point, I saw him on an English news programme talking about his disgrace, and to see a grown man so nearly in tears was very moving. He spoke out so strongly about how he'd been pressured into it, and how stupid he had been for giving in to the pressure, and ever since then, he has been a vocal opponent of doping.

Vino, on the other hand, did it repeatedly, got caught, and muttered and fumed all the way through his ban, and has refused to acknowledge any wrong-doing. These days, he won't even talk about it. He says he has "paid for" his doping. Not, you note, for his mistake, just for getting caught.

And now two of his team have been caught doping, just when cycling really doesn't need any more of these episodes. And it's two brothers, which is particularly hateful, as it adds fuel to the "Frankie doped, so Andy must have done it too" brigade. Which of course is ridiculous in so many ways, not least because Frankie wasn't doping: he was found to have ingested something that would be extremely bad for his health, and he strongly maintained it was contamination. At that time, there was no excuse but we have all seen that in recent months the UCI are relaxing that rule. Pity they can't relax it retrospectively, eh?

Getting back to Astana, it's worsened by the fact that they should have immediately taken themselves out of racing, according to the MCC rules, but they swindled it so that they could compete in the races which were important to them, and then used the voluntary ban to get out of going to Beijing, while waving a halo and saying "Hey, look what good guys we are, voluntary ban, look, we're giving up racing all on our ownsome". Hopefully the UCI will fine them good and proper for not attending.

I've always worried about the lovely Jacob being on his team... am I the only one to be concerned about him? He seems so mis-placed there, although they have allowed him to shine a little more than he would ever have done, had he remained at Stinkoff, what with Contador and now Sagan. So from a career point of view, top marks. But on the other hand...

Thursday 16 October 2014

Tour of Beijing Day 4

The day started with scandal - at the sign-in board, the Giant number 1 rider, Warren "Onion" Barguil signed his name as normal, then instead of handing the pen to the next person, he drew a little heart over the box for his number 2,  Johannes Frohlinger.  (Sorry, can't do umlauts.)

Is there something going on here?

Then Movistar come up to the board and once again, there they are, mucking about on the podium, pushing each other and generally having a good time. Then I realise that their number 1, Benat Exhausted (Intxausti, really, but I can neither spell nor pronounce it) is trying to sign on in the number 2 box, and number 2, Capecchi, is pushing his arm away to prevent it.

Just as an aside, I wonder what they do with the sign-on board after the race? Anyone know? Do tell...

Our coverage starts at 64k to go, Graeme Browne (always pronounced in an Australian accent with rising inflection, in the style of Leelu - gone, but not forgotten) is in the break, and we are told that once again we have missed seeing the Great Wall. This time, there was a sprint there, but the organisers decided to put it in early, before TV coverage began.

I really don't understand the Chinese: they have this massive (literally) tourist attraction, something that virtually everyone in the world has heard of, they route the race past it, but in such as way that we can't actually see it.

We would have loved to have seen it! Instead we get worrying shots of armed military-uniformed types, standing with their backs to the race: what message are we supposed to take from that? The riders need an armed guard? The people of China so hate the rest of the world that they will attack them? For this, and many other reasons, I am very pleased indeed that this is the last time we will be racing in Beijing.

At least today we have trees: in earlier stages, the trees were planted suspiciously consistently alongside the road, leading me to speculate that they were actually the same thousand or so trees, in tubs, that were being loaded up each night and set out each morning on the next stretch of road.

And at least today, we don't have what look like concentration camps along the route: lines of identical huts, crammed together, in the middle of nowhere, for no apparent reason. LLB wondered if they were holiday villages, or something left over from the Olympics, but I thought they looked more sinister - and derelict - than that.

Oh, I spoke too soon, there we have another one: and this one really is derelict, some of the buildings have no roofs on them. Very strange. And rather uncomfortable to watch.

Luckily, we get to the end, and Dan Martin and his teeth win the stage. Once again, not exactly heaving with spectators, but at least the sun was shining, and the trees were quite attractive, with what the yanks call "fall colour". Ah well, just one more day and it will all be over.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Luxembourg:

Teo: "Mummy..."
TinkerJil: "Yes, darling?"
Teo: "Ooo know Auntie Coug... "
TinkerJil: "Yes, darling. "
Teo: "Well, oo know her bog... "
TinkerJil: "Blog, darling. "
Teo: "Bog. "
TinkerJil: "Blog. "
Teo: "Bog. "
TinkerJil: "Alright, I know what you mean: yes, I know about her blog. "
Teo: "Well, umm, it dussint say IzzenUnndy no more, duz Auntie Coug not like Daddy no more?  "
TinkerJil: "Any more darling, not no more. Say it nicely. "
Teo: "Any more. "
TinkerJil: "Well done. No, it's not that Auntie Coug doesn't like Daddy any more, it's just that Daddy isn't riding in quite the same way - he's retired now. Remember, we talked about it? "
Teo: "Wetied. Wetied. No more sy-kling. "
TinkerJil: "That's right, no more cycling. Well, not as much, anyway. "
Teo: "Did Auntie Coug only like Daddy coz he sy-kulled, den? "
TinkerJil: "Well, not exactly, she admired his sportsmanship and his incredibly good temper as well, but mainly she used to write about him cycling, so she can't do that any more. "
Teo: "Oh. No more bog? "
TinkerJil: "Different bog. Blog. More about cycling in general, less about Daddy. "
Teo: "Oh. Boring bog, then. " TinkerJil: (laughs) "Yes, a little boring, now."

Tuesday 14 October 2014

Tour of Beijing - thank god, it's over.

Sighs of relief, amidst the coughs, from the entire pro-peloton (apart from Ass'tana who are laughing uproariously at having skived off of it) that they will never have to go back to the Tour of Beijing again.

LLB and I watched stage one in disbelief: grey-brown scorched earth, no greenery, no trees, thick grey air, no spectators to be seen, and our commentators bravely pushing the Party Line about "dust" in the air. Dust! Who are you kidding? Smog, mateys, smog pure and simple. No wonder nobody bothered to turn out to see it... even the finish line was, ooh, let me see, possibly three-deep with spectators, who appeared to have been roped together into as small an area as possible in order to make it appear to be bustling and popular.

Stage two was mercifully shortened due to the, er, air quality (ie SMOG) and although I accept that shortening a stage and changing the finish just 40 minutes before the race started could account for the lack of spectators, well, you would still expect to see good numbers at the near-the-end KOM point, wouldn't you?


Well, here is Philly Gilly crossing the line to enthusiastic cheering from both the spectators.

Pathetic, huh? I would be ashamed, if I were the organisers, to call this a finish. If they managed to get the red banners, the doping caravan, the podium truck, the photographers etc etc up there in time, you would have thought they could have bussed some of the spectators up there as well.

And as for stage 3, well, blow me down and call me Shirley, Tyler Over-Hyped Farrar only actually won the flipping thing!  I seem to have spent the last five years criticising him for never winning, but always being talked about as though he had a chance.

Finally, stung by my comments, he managed to scrape a stage win, whoo hoo, pity it had to be the non-event that is the Tour of Beijing but at least the team will be happier with him.. oh, too late, they've already given him the shove and he's off to MTN Qhubeka (not Quebeca, as I keep writing it) for next season. Oh well, at least MTN-Quebec *laughs* will be happy with him.

What was that? Why do I dislike him so much? I think it dates back to when I first started following cycling properly, he was on every advert break, with his fat smug face pushing the Transitions specs. I couldn't understand why he had the advert deal - no doubt worth a huge amount of money - while he never won anything.

Oh no, perhaps we'll see a new series of ads featuring his chin-enhanced face... let's hope not, eh?

Friday 10 October 2014

The start of an era...

... and it's one without Andy in the peloton, but he says he'll still be around: he's not dead, you know, and he said in the post-conference interview that although he can't be a pro-rider, he still knows a massive amount about cycling, tactics etc.

*suppresses unworthy thought that if he's no longer cycling, he might actually be more accessible than he was before*

So he might be a coach, he might start the Schleck School of Cycling, he might be Frankie's soigneur, we might see him in the team car at races, he might be commentating - he does speak at least four and a half languages,  you know - and you can bet that the sponsors will still be interested in him, he'll be drawing crowds wherever he goes for years to come.

So it's not all gloom and doom, although of course we are all sad for him, he was visibly upset at the press conference, but what a man, eh? To stand up there in front of a million flash guns, with a wobble in his voice, and to bravely tell us all that he's retiring due to the knee - and a thousand curses on that stupid spectator (not the pink shirt bloke, although curses on him anyway, and on all spectators who impede the race) who knocked Sky's Garcia to the ground, which caused the fall involving Our Andy, as well as Simon Gerrans and a couple of others. They all got up and carried on, but as we know, Andy's knee was permanently damaged by that crash, so if that was you, it was YOUR fault. May you get punctures every single time you leave the house.

A lot of riders would have just issued a bulletin, but I really admire Andy for standing there in public and saying it.

He commented that the ligaments in his knee had recovered well, but not the cartilage: he said "there is hardly any cartilage left under my knee" and that there was a risk of permanent damage if he continued trying to train. "I've done everything..." he said, and you could hear the desperation and frustration in his voice.

I'm not medically trained, I don't know if cartilage can re-grow, or whether it can be surgically replaced, so there is still a chance (in my mind, at least!) that he might return - but it sounds as though, for now at least, he has accepted that this is the end of his pro-rider career.

I shall watch with interest to see what happens.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Luxembourg:

The phone rings.
TinkerJil: "I'll get it, don't get up, love,"
(she answers the phone)
Andy: "Who is it?"
TinkerJil: "It's Jensie, he says now that you are both retired, he has a suggestion....."

Thursday 9 October 2014

Andy Schleck Retires: for real.

Ah dear, the end of an era.

Earlier today, at a conference in Luxembourg, Our Andy confirmed that he is retiring from pro-cycling.

*sheds a tear*

Never mind, it was wonderful while it lasted! Who will ever forget the whole Stomach of Anger thing? Or the singing cat? And at least Andy has Tinkerjil and son Teo, he has a whole new life to ease into: no more being away for 250 days of the year, no more training, training, training: no more having people knocking on the door at 7am asking him to pee into a cup: no more nasty, nasty internet people making hurtful remarks.

Good luck, Andy! Have a great life:  and if I ever get to Luxembourg, I might still come and knock on your door to say hello. I might even sing you my version of the Singing Cat song, and I bet you won't be able to make out a single word of it.

Goodbye, Schlecklanders: in particular, farewell to all the early girlies from several year ago - Leelu, Nim, Fede, PeeDee, Gnasher, and everyone else who was sent to the Naughty Corner: farewell to the Howald Tunnel, farewell tuftage, farewell to amusing and entirely made-up conversations between Andy and Jakob, farewell to my silly race reviews, even farewell to the wonderful Loupe episodes: I've just gone back and re-read them, and they still make me laugh. ("A bird sang, and everyone listened"!)

And a final word to any fairly recent Andy fans - please feel free to go back to the beginning of this blog, there are some great early pictures of him!

Hmm, do I wave goodbye, or do I salute as the SS Schleckland sinks?

*waves goodbye*

Wednesday 8 October 2014

Andy Schleck semi-retires?

There's been quite a lot of speculation about what Our Andy is going to say in tomorrow's press conference *looks up times of planes to Luxembourg - drat, can't make it* .

It seems that the conference has been called by Trek, not by Andy personally, which I take as a positive sign: if Andy were just going to retire, the conference would have been organised by his agent, not by his team.

At present he's still coming back from the knee injury, we don't know yet whether he will be able to ride at the top level again - the damage to his knee is described as "possible career-ending" so there is the chance that he won't be able to compete again, and any team would be stupid to extend a contract to a rider that can't yet show that he can ride. What with the reduction in sponsors, team size, etc, every team is going to have to pick the very, very best it can afford, and there are plenty of riders out there without contracts, so I can't imagine Trek giving a precious slot to an injured rider.

So, what are the options? Apparently Trek had considered farming Frankie out to a pro-conti team towards the end of his ban, so that he could get some race miles into his legs. This didn't work out, but it's an interesting concept: maybe Trek will put Andy into a pro-conti team for a year. This would allow him to come back into form slowly, out of the spotlight, with very little pressure, and it would be very good for his ego to be the biggest fish in the littler pond. Ok there's the "shame" of dropping out of the major league, but we've seen a number of big riders do just that, due to lack of contracts - and lack of teams - at the top level. I think Andy could take it.

Maybe Andy will take a year off, on doctors' orders, to let this injury heal properly? That would be a viable alternative, as well: Frankie had a year off, Contador had two years off and came back strong and fit - and Andy is younger than both of them, so he has some years in hand. It's debatable as to which are the "best" years of his career: I'm not a sports fitness expert so I can't comment on that, but I would have thought he'd be able to afford another year off, before being considered "past it".

Or maybe he'll choose to retire completely. I'm hoping not, obviously, but if that knee is not recovering, then it might be the only option.

We'll find out tomorrow.

Tuesday 7 October 2014

Andy Schleck retires?

Noooo!

Surely not!

News today on Cycling News, apparently Andy has called a press conference for Thursday of this week, and the journalists are speculating that he is going to announce his retirement, in the wake of his various injuries, and the very real probability that he won't be getting a contract extension at Trek, bearing in mind that Frankie has already been re-signed.

Of course, he could be merely announcing that he's going to another team: this would be preferable from my point of view, of course, although it would be a darned shame that he wouldn't be riding with Frankie any more.

It could, of course, be a domestic announcement, maybe a second Baby Schleck on the way? Unfortunately, it's more likely to be a cycling announcement, and I guess we have no option but to wait for it to be reported.

Fingers crossed, Schlecklanders, fingers crossed...