Fuglsnag!!

This morning I checked my emails and shreiked with laughter.

Not something that normally happens, I assure you: usually it's a combination of mindless spam that gets deleted, or work-related emails which are treated carefully and seriously, and responded to as necesary.

Yes, even at the weekend.

But today there were comments on Eisen Andy, from ace Schlecklander Midge, *waves* who is my pet Twitter lookout, and who can be guaranteed to be up to date with what's going on there.

Secondly was the news that Martine has had her baby, another girl, called Nayla, so thanks to Midge, and congratulations to Martine and Frankie, and also to Andy for being an Uncle again, I bet they are all thrilled!  Sleepless, but thrilled!

But firstly was a link to a picture of Jakob's dossard (team number) from last year's Vuelta, on which his name was spelt wrongly:

Shrieks with laughter!

Awww, poor Jakob!

Honestly, what idiot prints off these things? Presumably there is a computer programme that generates the printed dossards from the start list, but you would have thought that someone, somewhere would actually read the document.

Someone who is at least slightly familiar with the participants in the sport.

I, for one, certainly hadn't noticed this myself - so thanks to Midge (@ParisWheels if you are on Twitter) for spotting it, and for finding the photo!

What would you have done, if this had been you? I think I would have folded over the extreme right corner before pinning it, so that the number was clearly visible, but not the last three letters of the name...

Frankie wins a stage! Well, nearly...

OK, I'm a bit behind the times with my race coverage, but who cares, this one is worth re-living!

It was Paris-Nice, last day, and in the UK we only got the last 27k to watch.

We were greeted with our commentators telling us about the five riders who failed to start today, and the 15 or so who had already abandoned... I could feel the hateful phrase "Schleck-chute" hovering in the wind, unspoken, but luckily it continued to be unspoken, and Andy wasn't mentioned.

I took this as a good sign: if he had withdrawn, they would surely have been making a bit deal about it *rolls eyes and sighs* so as they haven't mentioned him....

As the coverage starts, LLB is laughing at Sean Kelly pronouncing Rojas as Roe-Djass, which is quite a nice counterbalance to Rob Hatch and his exuberant over-pronunciation.

Talking of which, I was Tweeting earlier in the race, and I'd said something about being distracted by Rob Hatch's pronunciation... he took me up on it!

I do love it when they respond... during the same day, I got this response to a casual comment from the PR department at Omega Pharma Armbands:

It's such a little thing for them to do, but it means so much.... one day, one day I'll get a tweet from Andy... *sighs*

Sooo, back to the race: "Oh dear, here we go again, at the back" says Hatch. It's Andy! *waves*

We had just been watching Tirreno with nothing but Contador for the final 30k, and LLB had been complaining that we don't get to see anyone in the top ten, just the front and back of the race. Hence my pleasure at Andy being right at the back - at least we get to see him!

Frankie is working well, as is Jakob: Frankie is now leading the group, and to great excitement on the sofa - well, on my end of the sofa - he pings off the front. And again! It's all very thrilling, until we see a sharp bend approaching, one with an arnco barrier... noooo! Don't look at it, Frankie!

Luckily he managed to avert his eyes and misses it, then leads the leaders, if you see what I mean, over the top of the hill. "He's doing much better than his brother" says Hatch the Hatchet Man. Hmmm. Rob, I shall go off you if you keep saying mean things like that! But it's true, Frankie is descending well, even though it's not his best skill, and especially considering that just the previous day, he was hanging over the barrier.

There are a lot of comments about Frankie's descending, and how generally impressive it is, although I could have done without the snide suggestions that he'd been practising "while he was away". Yes, yes, we all know he was (wrongly) banned for a year...

At 10k to go, Frankie and one of the Dark Lords - Spilak - are working really well together, and I make a mental note that some time, I really must tell Rob Hatch that it's not Froink, it's Fraaaank, as in Frank Sinatra. You might remember that we know this, due to one of Frankie's former school teachers, who told us so, back in Schleckland days.

Meanwhile, Jakob is leading the group which is 20 seconds behind Frankie and the Dark Lord, and they are all steaming along.  Frankie keeps on pushing, even when the Dark Lord sits up and gives up for the day: not our Frankie, he even attacks again! Go Frankie! Of course, the group of chasers catch him up just a few metres from the line, but he nearly made it!

Meanwhile there has been a huge crash, and Rui Costa scares us all by lying inert at the base of the barrier. Luckily, like G, he manages to get himself together, is lifted onto a new bike, and wobbles over the line under his own steam.

We return to the finish line to find that Frankie is officially 6th in this final stage, which puts him 34th overall. Jakob finishes 5th overall, just 29 seconds down, which is pretty darned good: a big group comes over the line some 7 minutes down, and there is Andy, and he is grinning! He must have heard the news on race radio. He is 65th today, which puts him, by coincidence, 66th overall, 41 minutes down.

I don't care, I'm extremely happy to see him finish, and he said on the jangly, here-comes-your-headache Trek website,

“I am feeling fitter after this week, and I am really motivated to get back home to train hard. We have a good plan [for me] and I am really excited and to get back on the level I had before. I have no doubt I will be ready for the Ardennes Classics."

Let's hope so - go, Andy!

Frankie! Mind that barrier!

Goodness, my heart went bumpity-bump for a moment this afternoon, as we were watching the live coverage of Paris-Nice, Stage 7: we haven't yet watched the middle stages, but as it was on live, we decided to stay in and watch it.

Most of the race was fairly standard stuff, up and down, people in the break, you know how it goes: a moment of glory as Jakob pings off the front on the final climb: then there's a big crash with only 5k to go, and to my horror there is a Trek rider, looking for all the world like Frankie, hanging over the barrier:

 It is Frankie!  The commentators confirm it's G on the ground, although we don't know how they can tell, as he's under a pile of bikes and partially under the barrier.

Worst of all, it looks as though his head is directly in line with the arnco barrier support, and just for a moment, there's a horrible flashback of Wouter Weylandt hitting his head - and we all know how that ended.

 Frankie is rolling over the barrier, oof, he looks as though he's in a lot of pain,  and to his left,  the FDJ rider is pulling himself upright on the barrier, and appears to be not too badly hurt.

G is still lying on the ground, not moving.

As the Mavic car rushes heartlessly past, Frankie appears to be getting his breath back, or possibly saying "G, mate, are you ok?"

As Frankie lifts his bike off of G, he appears to be holding his right shoulder, and for a moment I think that he's busted a collarbone.

Luckily he seems to recover, and he moves away, but he is still looking back at the stricken Sky rider, clearly concerned about him, which is seriously nice of him, considering the FDJ rider who was also involved has already legged it back into the race.

The kind passer-by is then moved aside by the Sky personnel, and he tries to straighten Frankie's handlebars, although it's apparently a lost cause.

The mechanic arrives with a new bike, and Frankie departs, still casting a glance back at poor G, lying on the road. A few moments later, we see that G is sitting up, thank god, and Frankie is away and back onto the race. He came in 59th, 3' 41" down, which could have been worse, and that puts him down in 34th place, over 5 mins down.

Andy, meanshile, came in 63rd, 5 mins down, along with Toe-mah V'klare (as Rob Hatch insists on pronouncing it), and was subjected to the usual insults by the commentators, but I don't care, I was just happy to see him finishing all in one piece. He's now sitting 80th, 34mins down, which is quite an improvement on 162nd. LLB is teasing me, saying that sitting 80th in a race is nothing to be getting all excited about, but we does agree that it's good news that Andy is finishing the race. It takes a special type of courage to keep on cycing, despite all the insults, despite not being anywhere in GC, despite being not on top form - especially when, as we have in Andy's case, you have been The Best.

Don't worry, Andy, you'll be back on that podium again one day, I am sure of it!

G, meanwhile, limped in just over 7 mins down, tattered and torn, and with blood dripping off both knees, but at least he was upright and pedalling. Whether he takes the start tomorrow is another question... he's out of the GC now, but at least *looks around guiltily* that pushes Jakob up into 5th positon,  just 29 seconds down.

So there you have it, another exciting day of racing, and tomorrow is the final day, so come on lads, all you have to do is stay on the bikes and finish...

"Andy who?"

While watching Pari-Nice, LLB said a cruel and painful thing: he commented that people who have only discovered pro cycling in the last couple of years will have no idea of who Andy Schleck is.

Now, before you all start shrieking, throwing things at the screen and demanding that I throw him roughly to the ground, it's a fair comment, and must be a bit confusing for new fans, that the commentators keep mentioning him, now that he's racing again, but he doesn't - from their perspective - seem to have been in any races in the last year or two.

Just wait until he starts winning races again!

Talking of Paris-Nice, Day One started with nothing but comments about TeeJay "Bumfluff" Van Garderen and his stomach problems. "He was alright at the sign-on" huffs one commentator, indignantly. As though he had left the race for no good reason. Rob Hatch then said "maybe it was bubbling up earlier". EEuuw!

The race coverage starts, and Andy is clearly visible, right at the back. He's next to an Ass-t'na rider, wonder if it's Jakob? Are they having a chat, do we think? I'm not at all sure that it's the right place to be, all it takes is one crash and he'll be losing time. Oh well, he's the professional, I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Also at the back is a Sky rider with no numbers at all - how odd, I thought they were penalised for not displaying them, and it's not as though he has a rain jacket on. I'm also a bit vexed today that half of Team Sky are wearing helmets that don't have the blue stripe up the middle. Come on, guys! We need all the help we can get to distinguish the black-clad teams this year!

At 27k to go, there's a big crash. Where's Andy? I can't see him, and I haven't seen Frankie at all so far. Fingers crossed that they are not involved in it, or caught up in. Luckily I am distracted by the fuss the commentators are making about Sky's decision to send Richie Porte out to Tirreno instead of Paris-Nice.  They were lucky that Sky even considered sending Porte to Paris-Nice, after they organised a route that simply does not suit him at all.

21k to go, and there is another crash, blimey, it's as bad as the early days of the Tour! I am a great believer in Prologues, and I think they made a mistake not having one here, as no-one knows what they are doing. There's no sign of Andy, so either he has heard me complaining about his position and has moved up, or he's dropped out! Hopefully, not the latter.

Ah, our commentators - in between going on about Bumfluff and his digestive problems - tell us that the crashes have caused two big splits, and it looks as though both Jakob and Andy are in the back group. Well, as long as they have merely been held up, rather than hitting the deck, I will be happy.

Another distraction from the over-enunciating Rob Hatch is his references to "Toe-mah V'klare". Who? Ah, Tommy Voekler appears on screen. Must be him, then.

It's 5k to go, the leadership keeps changing but it's hard to tell as everyone is wearing black kit. We spot Thor Hushovd in the second group, looking well fed-up with everything.

Meanwhile the Sky train has evaporated, and G, in his distinctive spazzy sunglasses, tucks in neatly behind a Cannondale Chipmunk. Alas, it was a bad choice, as the Chipmunk goes the long way round a roundabout. Oops. Meanwhile, Giant have a superb train going, they are thundering along at a terrific pace, the last guy looks over his shoulder for Degenkolb - where is he? They've lost him, the fools! They've been leading out no-one at all! Total disintegration of the train, riders scatter all over the road, total chaos, and Nacer "Wobbly Rider" Bouhanni gets it. Which is not bad, considering the blood all over his knee.

Day two starts off badly for us, as power cuts in the UK mean that the recorder's clock reset itself, and instead of getting all the coverage, we only get the last 45k. My first sight of the race is Andy's rear, at the back of the peloton, and the commentators making rude remarks about us all getting accustomed to seeing him there.

Huh! *huffs indignantly*

For a start, at least he's racing, not dropping out: for a second, this is just a training ride, even though he has the number 1 on his back. I have no idea why Trek did that, seems a silly thing to do as it will inevitably focus attention on him. And for a third, we all know that Andy and Frankie are only interested in le Tour!

Personally I am very happy that he's right at  the back, because then I get to see him frequently, rather than him being lost somewhere in the mass of the peloton, as Frankie is.

Just as I am thinking this, Andy shoots forward into the back of the peloton. They show it again, in slow motion. Very kind of them, but I have no idea why... the commentators are telling us that Andy was fined 200 Swiss francs for "going off course" in yesterday's race. Guess we didn't see that bit... and I don't see the relevance between that, and Andy going in slow-mo round a corner.

Suddenly we are hearing a discussion about the "rider who slid out" not being hurt. What rider sliding out? We rewind, and watch the bend again. There's Andy, making up speed on the corner, becoming part of the peloton instead of dangling off the back. No sign of riders sliding out. Puzzled, we rewind further, but there aren't any corners. We come back to the now-familiar slow-mo corner, and there he is! There's a rider in the ditch, and I'd been so busy watching Andy that I'd failed to spot it altogether. Luckily, LLB hadn't seen it either, so he couldn't insist that I needed to go back to Andyhab.

At 28k to go, Andy's off the back a bit, and puffing: but again, after a year of not seeing him ride at all, (that is, no tv coverage) it's good to get a chance to see him in action. I think he's looking good: looks lean, but not skinny: pedalling nicely, actually, fluid, unstressed looking: ok, shame he's right at the back but if you don't plan to go for GC, then why not?

At 11k to go they're lining up for the sprint, and we see O'rica coming to the front. They clearly want to copy Sky's unvented helmets, but don't have the budget, so they appear to have had hat-covers made to cover up the vents. They are printed in team colours, but unfortunately they make their heads look like round beach balls, so it's hard to take them seriously.

10k to go and we're laughing at a rider who did a very neat but enormous bunny-hop over some road furniture -oh! it's Andy!  At that very moment there's a huge crash,  Andy slips fairly smoothly through the confusion, but Gianni Meerkat is on the deck and looking pained. Ah, this must be the famous "fine him for drafting" incident that I read about in the cycling press.

Talking of which, does anyone know what's happened to Velonation? It was always my cycling news site of choice, but it seems to have died a death, with no new reports since Feb 23rd. I'm having to read Cycling News now, and it's a right pain, what with all the jiggling banners etc.

Anyway, from now until the end all we get is Meerkat drafting, Meerkat drafting, Meerkat taking a hand sling, etc. And yes, I can see why he was fined! There is drafting, and there is moto-pacing, and this was clearly the latter. And apparently it was all for nothing, as he was withdrawn from the race anyway? At least it takes the pressure off Andy, who tootles along and finishes safely, avoiding the big crash at 8k to go, along with the smaller crash as a Dark Lord takes out another rider as they take the final bend.

A quick check of Steephill TV confirms that Andy is still in the race (yay! Go Andy! ), sitting in 132nd position, 23 mins down: Frankie is doing much better, 42nd, 1min 39seconds down, and Jakob is 6th, a mere 13 seconds down! Go, Jakob!

I might even take a sneaky peak at today's stage, if I can find a half-way decent stream to watch...

At last! An answer to the Dossard problem.

You might have read recently that one of the BMC riders, Stetina, is calling for a rethink on the use of the race numbers which are currently, in this high-tec era, still pinned to the pockets of the jersey.

You may also be aware that I am frequently to be heard suggesting that riders should definitely have their name clearly visible on their jerseys somewhere, and frequently moaning that we can't tell who is who in the peloton.

At last! An answer to both problems!

Each team, at the start of the year, numbers their riders from 01 to 32,  or however many they have at that time. This can be the chance to reward star riders with number 01, or to indulge those who have a favourite number. (I still think that Andy prefers to be rider number 6...) These numbers remain with the rider all year - if someone leaves, that number is left blank, and if someone joins mid-season, they get 33, or 34, or whatever.

Meanwhile, the UCI already issues a three-initial team abbreviation, which is used on on-screen graphics, points tables etc.

All we have to do is join the two.

So, for example, Fabian's jerseys would be printed TFR 01. (Presumably!) Twice, once on each pocket, in the same typeface and style as the current dossards. No cheating! Rather like car numberplates in the UK, they will have to comply with certain regulations, and let's face it, the UCI are good at making regulations.

At the next race, the Trek team would be, perhaps, TFR 01, TFR 06, TFR 07, TFR 15, TFR 31 etc. We would know who was who, as the team website would give each rider their number along with their other details.

Helicopter and rear camera footage of the race would be easy for all of us - the initials tell us the team, in case we can't spot them by kit (which, in the case of Giant, Omega Pharma Armbands, Sky, IAM etc can be tricky) and the number tells us which rider. We only have to learn them once, each year: in fact riders may well be allowed by their team to keep "their" number from year to year, during their contract, as a small perk.

No more safety pins, no more dossards flapping about in a very un-aero manner, sounds like a good idea to me?

Ideally, riders would also have their names clearly on their sides or across the shoulders as well, and they could additionally have their number on their helmets, which would help us identify them in the head-on shots.

The drawback is that all riders would have to have personalised kit, which could be an additional expense for smaller teams: although they could always use iron-on transfers for the numbers, to save money.

What are the drawbacks?

1) Well, the overall number gets longer - five units (three letters, two digits) instead of three. Although they could print the number above the letters, for clarity.

2) Some race organisers might be miffed that they no longer have their name on the dossards - although frankly, most of us can barely read the numbers, let alone the small print below it!

3) Cost of personalising all the kit. Well, the use of iron-on patches could help there.

4) Riders having to wear their own kit - we all remember Andy wearing Frankie's skinsuit at the Tour one year, don't we! *laughs* OK, they would have to ensure they each get the right kit, but Team Sky already personalise the jerseys, and many teams have to have special jerseys with National bands on the arms etc, so there is already a high level of individualised jerseys out there.

5) Rainjackets and gilets - already a major problem! Either they have to have a transparent panel at pocket level, or they have to be similarly personalised. If riders complain about the faff of having to get the correct jersey, then perhaps they could attach a small saddle-bag to carry it. That was a joke.

6) Loss of clarity for cameras: currently, the maximum digits on the dossard is three. My suggestion raises it to five - but the letter could be underneath, with the number above it. Easy! If the UCI really think that that is too much to read, we could retain the idea of riders having a permanent number for the year, and teams being allocated a letter of the alphabet, as there are never more than 26 teams in a race. The jerseys could be printed with the rider number, with a space for the iron-on transfer of the letter for each race.

What do you think?

Kuurne - Bruxelles - Kuurne

Wow, what a great race!

I've been watching cycling for a few years now, and I have never seen a race like this, where a heavily overloaded break goes away ridiculously early, and makes it stick. And wins the race!

We didn't think we were getting any coverage here in the UK, but it suddenly popped up on Eurosport, so hooray for them, and LLB and I cancelled our plans for the afternoon, choosing instead to sit indoors and watch the cycling. Well, unlike the weather in Belgium, it was cold and raining, so it was no loss...

After the filthy weather of Omloop on Saturday, it was a positive relief to see blue skies and a bit of sunshine, although it was clear from the water-filled ruts in the fields all around that this was a recent improvement.

The race suffered from an early crash, which wiped out a couple of riders altogether: there was an early break of four unknowns - one of whom was in BMC kit but we'd never heard of him - then a bit of side wind and a bit of clever work by Omega Pharma Armbands caused a few splits in the peloton.

For some unknown reason, the peloton let a bunch of Armbands get away, dragging three Belkin guys with them, along with Schlecklander pet Johan Van Summeren, he of the incredible height, the tucked-up armbands, and the ludicrously non-aero flowing hair. They picked up a Topsport Vlaanderen guy who had dropped off the back of the four breakaways, and he - to give him credit - did a fantastic job to stay with them for the rest of the race.

So we had 5 Omega Pharma Armbands, including Boonen, past winner of the race - yet the peloton did not manage to catch them. Their lead (they quickly overtook the former break) went to around a minute, and just stayed there for about the last 80km or so. Sky did try to pull them back, but - frankly - they just couldn't do it. They only had three riders able to do much work, and they were struggling, with hardly any support from other teams. Lotto did a little work, presumably for Gummy Bear Gruipel (or "Android Gruipel" as I'm sure I heard Rob Hatch say) but then lost interest, and no-one else seemed to be bothered. 

Towards the end, the Dark Lords of Katusha got on the front, and Paolini did a lot of waving-of-hands and looking angry, but it was too little, too late, and the break went all the way to the end.

Predictably, Boonen got it, but it was a close-run thing, and the Belkin rider was definitely going faster by the time they hit the line! But it's not about who's going faster, it's about who gets there first, and Boonen was that rider.

Meanwhile, back in Luxembourg:

There is a gentle tap at the door. Andy opens it, cradling a tiny little person against his chest. It's Jakob, holding a bag of nappies and a huge yellow teddy bear.

Jakob: *whispers* "Hey, mate! How are  you doing?" *blows kisses at sleeping baby*
Andy: *whispers* "Fine, thanks. Jil's asleep, so be quiet."
Jakob: *whispers* "d'aaw, he's so tiny! Can I hold him?"
Andy: *whispers*  "No! You are the one who dropped the bag of shopping, remember?"
Jakob: *whispers*  "Aw come on, it was only that once!"
Andy: *whispers* "And you were the one who knocked the vase off the shelf."
Jakob: *whispers* "That was the cat!"
Andy: *whispers* "we don't have a cat..."
Jakob: *whispers*  "Aw, come on, just let me hold him..."
Andy: *whispers* "Maybe tomorrow...."

Omloop! And Babies!

I had some lovely news yesterday, while watching Omloop and saying "wow, it looks just like England in the spring" ie wet, miserable and muddy.

Midge, down off the south coast *waves* told me that TinkerJil has had her baby, and Our Andy is now father to a little boy called Teo (no, guys, you were supposed to call him Jean-Pierre, remember?).

Great news!

Well done Jil, first of many?! *laughs* And it was a boy, as correctly predicted here on this blog!

Omloop, meanwhile, was a cracking race, despite the truly 'orrible weather, and the numerous crashes: Sky did fantastically well, with three riders in the top 11 *laughs*, two in the top 3, and one coming first.

Well done to Stannard for actually holding off Greg van Avamert (who was nearly in tears at the interview afterwards) to take the win, and to EBH for sticking it out, playing an excellent tactical race, and coming in third: and special greetings to Schlecklander pet Luke Rowe, for hanging in there with the third group, and coming a very respectable 11th. OK, 10th would have been better, but it wasn't a UCI race, so there weren't any points at stake.

Today it's K-B-K, we don't know yet if we are going to get any coverage, so we'll have to wait and see.

So, much celebrating in Luxembourg this week, with more babies due in a few weeks!