And the award for un-co-ordinated kit goes to... Trek!

There I was, sitting on the sofa with LLB, getting ready for the Amstel Gold Race TV coverage to start in 2hrs 15minutes (are we sad? No! Not at all!) and checking Twitter to see how the race was progressing, while we waited.

Up popped a tweet from Trek Factory Racing, accompanied by a photo of the presentation:

Aaargh!

Talk about complete and utter lack of co-ordination.

 Before I even get started on leg-warmers - thought that was Hayden Roulston in the middle, with bandages on - what's going on with the black modesty panels? Riders one and six (I would go to the Trek website and learn the names of all the riders, but their website is so jangly and takes so long to load and screen change that I just can't be ar**d, sorry) seem to have super-long panels halfway to their knees.

Are they wearing skinsuits? Why would they, on a hilly classic? And if so, why do they have different legs?

Why do only three of them have the single white legband? OK, four, if you count the Lux hoops of Bob Jungels - he's the only one I can put a name to, owing to the excessively large Lux colours on his jersey. Now, we all thought that the Leopard kit stripes were a bit too subtle, or "confusing" if you prefer, but this is really going to far the other way.

Then there is the lower leg department: what's going on there? Two in plain black, four in black with writing, one with one-black-one-white, and Andy in bare legs.

Not exactly a cohesive look, is it? I realise that the riders have the choice of whether to wear arm-warmers, or leg-warmers, or none, but the whole black-or-white thing is just annoying.

I'm trying not to say anything about the Red Shoes, which are frankly, hideous. In  my opinion.

Once again, for the fifty millionth time, you have to ask who designs these team kits. Do they honestly never watch any race footage? Have the never seen the postures that our riders hold when riding? Shoulders! Shoulders! Currently bare of any name, and would be the perfect place for the short word "Trek". Oh, unless they are holding back that position to offer to anyone wanting to have a go at sponsoring, as per their recent email to me - and presumably to many others, but who knows, maybe just to me? - extending an invitation to sponsor them.

Right! I feel so much better for getting that lot off my chest. Now I can sit back and relax and enjoy the race, as I hope you will all do, too.

Oh, one final point - in the pre-race interview, Andy said that he "hoped to finish the race", which could be seen as a slightly underwhelming aim: mind you, as things turned out, he had a fall before live coverage started, and although he managed to get back on the peloton, he abandoned shortly afterwards, having injured his knee.  Poor Andy! Oh well, we'll just have to cheer for Frankie in this one, and hope that Andy is not badly hurt.

Paris-Roubaix: a new tradition

Phew, what an exciting race!

Our coverage started early, but we didn't get any cycling, instead we got some French bloke talking to Greg Lemon (well, that's what he kept calling him) and Juan Antonio Flecha, who was looking surprisingly youthful without his helmet on. Odd, what a difference hair makes...

Flecha was there to do interviews with other riders, as he only retired last October: and of course we all remember Flecha for being the one knocked off his bike by that damned French TV car during the Tour, while Johnny Hoogerland was caterpulted into the barbed wire and had to have 27 STITCHES in his rear end!! Ouch!!

Anyway, Flecha was the other rider there, and I have always felt a bit sorry for him, as he was the one who was actually clobbered by the car, but Hoogerland is the one we all remember. Ah well.

So, there was Flecha doing an interview with Fabian, and they went up onto the Trek bus to talk. I was trying to see if Andy had a seat with his name on it, but apparently he doesn't. The bus seemed quite nice, it had three rows of proper individual seats but then there were a couple of bench seats, which seems a bit of a disappointment, and a bit too much like the school bus. Fabian sat on one, Flecha sat opposite, and I couldn't help noticing that the window had "Trek Factory Racing" on it, the right way round - such that you could read it from inside the bus, not from outside.

This seemed a bit odd: LLB said it was that way round for interviews, but I wondered if it was to remind the riders which team they were riding for now. After all, Andy started 2010 riding for SexyBank, finished 2010 riding for Leopard Trek: in 2012 they became RadioShambles, then in 2014 they were morphed into Trek. That's four teams in five years - and although a lot of the team and a lot of the support staff have remained in the team through all these changes, it can't be easy for any of them to remember who they are....

Then he interviewed Wiggo, who managed - as usual - to open his mouth and put his foot in it. Flecha was asking about the danger of participating in The Hell Of The North, and Wiggo made the comment "well, you know, if you end your career at Paris-Roubaix, well, *shrugs* that's ok, innit? But if it happened after [shitsmall race] then well..." *they both laugh uproariously*. So, having insulted the organisers of that shitsmall race, we finally get to some actual racing.

We come in with 118k to go, there is a break of 8 mostly shitsmall riders up the road, they had 9 minutes at one point, but it's down to 6 mins now, and already our commentators are talking about The Arenberg, the great big bogey of the cobbled sections. Carlton Kirby refers to Omega Pharma Armbands as O P Quickstop, which makes me laugh. I don't know why...

At 105k to go, crash! Lots of riders piling into each other, and it turns out to be a row of slender blue-painted posts under a narrow bridge, practically invisible and with no marshall. Hmm, bearing in mind what happened at the Tour of Flanders, you would have thought they would have paid particular attention to the marshalling. Apparently, not.

At 97k to go, Sky are suddenly on the front en masse, and we have no idea why. G is leading, it's a good thing he is in love with his spazzy white sunglasses: he looks quite dorky, but he's very easy to identify.

At last! The Arenberg! On the way in, the helicopter shot shows us a long field, completely covered in rows and rows of neatly-parked white campervans. Presumably all those die-hard fans have had to walk up into the Arenberg, leaving their cosy vans behind?

There are the usual punctures and problems in the Arenberg section, but nothing like what we have seen in previous years.  I think it was a good idea to have the spectators on one side only, behind ropes: much less accidental interference, and more room for soigneurs with spare wheels to stand. The whole passage is generally much calmer - except for the Trek rider, who throws his bike to the ground in disgust. (Rast, as it turned out.)

The next obstacle was a level crossing - and aargh! we can see the train approaching! The peloton are steaming towards it, will the barriers go up in time? It's a bit confusing, as suddenly we are watching a lone FDJ rider, holding on to the Mavic car in order to avoid unclipping, clearly fuming as the train has passed, but the barriers don't go up. Just as we think he's about to climb under the barrier, another rain whizzes past in the other direction. It turns out that this is the tail end of the break - most of them managed to beat the first train, but a couple of them were caught out, and as it turns out, they never make it back up to the break.

There is yet another crash, and a lot of frantic pedalling to catch up, but by 83k the leaders are sitting up and scoffing gels, so the pressure is off, and gradually it all comes back together.

The next drama is one of those that won't be forgotten for a while:

There's Hayden Roulston going down hard, and taking out Fabian, plus half the rest of the peloton. Luckily Fab was ok (having had a nice soft landing on his teammate) other than needing a new bike, but Roulston was out of the race, and apparently very apologetic about it afterwards. He won't be allowed to forget that one! Watching it again, he was lucky not to break a collarbone, as he put his arm out to stop himself as he fell.

Sagan, meanwhile, is not having a particularly good day, he seems to be unhappy with his bike, and is tearing off the bar tape. We are told by Carlton that he rides a non-standard or unusual bike size, so he can't easily swap with a team mate. That has to be, tactically, a bad habit to get into, surely? I suppose that the rider has to have the frame that suits him best, but it must be annoying for the DS, all the same.

Suddenly we get a brilliant move by Boonen - I don't like the guy, but I have to admire this move, it's just so clever; he's hanging back from the front of the group as they work along a cobbled section, with one of his teammates leading the group, in the gutter. Boonen then jumps out of the line, whizzes past them all, including his teammate, who does not speed up at all, thus blocking the entire line of chasers, none of whom want to go past him onto the lumpy bits. Brilliant! He quickly catches up with the original break, but no-one will work with him, other than G, so he has to do a lot of the work himself, not to mention all the energy spent waving, gesticulating and cursing the other riders.

The rest of the race is just sheer grit and determination: Fab rides with a total poker face as always: he said afterwards that his legs "felt funny" all day, but you wouldn't know it to have seen him ride. Sagan tries a bit, Boonen tries a bit, Wiggins tries a bit: Terpstra tries and succeeds, and to this day I'm not quite sure why they let him ride away, but he does so, and of course in the end he wins it.

We, watching, had no idea who came second, or where Fab came, as the cameras followed Terpstra all the way round the velodrome, then follow the second chasing group. Very confusing. Finally we get the finishing list, and Fab gets on the podium, with G coming in 7th, with Bradley 9th and Boonen just squeaking into the top 10.

At the presentation, Terpstra's girlfriend watches with a strangely worried expression: she did the obligatory "50 yard dash across grass in high heels" and was rewarded with Terpstra sobbing on her shoulder (bet she regretted wearing that white cardigan) and according to the tradition started by JVS, the lone winner then has to propose to his girlfriend. So why does she look so worried? LLB suggests she's thinking "Hmm, not the best time to tell him I'm pregnant by another rider, then" but I don't think that's the case.

Fabian manages not to cry in his post-race interview: he mentions his bike-change after the crash, but sportingly doesn't say "My team-mate tripped me up, the swine".

I just want to know how they get the right girlfriend onto the finish line in time to receive the blood-sweat-snot-and-dirt kiss. Do they keep the ten most likely ones near at hand? Or do they send runners out to the team buses in the last 10k, to collect every girlfriend of the ones currently leading?

An intriguing question...

Johan Van Summeren - oh, what a crash!

The Tour of Flanders - or the Ronde van Vlaanderen - was just about the most exciting race I've seen this year, and I hope that most of you managed to see it as well. The ultimate excitement was, of course, Fabian winning it in the most amazing way - after all those hours, after all those kilometres, after all those CRASHES (more of them in a minute) he was with a small group at the end, and despite everyone on our sofa shouting "Go, Fab!", and despite the team car shouting "Go-go-go!" at him, he rode the clever race, did the cat-and-mouse thing, and he won the race.

Again.

Such good riding! Such excellent tactics! I didn't think it was going to work - I think most people watching, including those in the team car, didn't think it would work - as I thought he'd end up being flattened in a sprint, as he is not really a sprinter.

But after such a long, hard race, it's not actually about who can sprint, it's about who has that tiny little bit left in the legs. Fabian tested them all, he made them use up their last little bits, and he saved his one until those last few metres.

In fact, he saved the last bit for so long that the following group nearly caught them! But it was another fantastic ride for Fab, and a well-deserved victory. Hopefully this means that Trek can now relax, as they have won a major Classic with their star rider *waves flag saying "Go, Fabian!"* and we might get to see Andy a bit more.

Although I was slightly concerned by an email I received from Trek saying "You're already a dedicated fan of Trek Factory Racing. Want to take your support of your favorite team to the next level? We're looking for partners to join us in building a team for the future."

Hello, I thought, they are running out of money and are going to ask members of the fan club to chip in a few quid each to keep the team running. Reading it more closely, they are merely asking for co-sponsors. I don't think I can quite afford to run a cycle team, but thanks, Trek, for the invitation.

Going back to RVV, and the crashes - oh boy! were there ever some crashes! I don't think I've seen such a crash-hit race, it just went on and on. I wasn't making notes this time (I was tweeting instead) but I do think that Stijn Devolder deserves to be made an honorary Schlecklander - he hit the deck, but managed to get back on: then two Stinkoff riders decided to change bikes, and managed to knock Stijn into the ditch, and a BMC rider right into the field of crops. But some team members came to get him, and he managed to get back on. AND THEN not long from the end, he went down again! As he was wearing his national jersey, I didn't actually realise that he was another Trek rider: he was in Leopard-Trek as well, and I'm a bit embarassed that I didn't know him. But, unbelievably, he made it back on, and at that point I decided that the only suitable result was for Fab to win it, with Stijn second.

But to get back to the crashes, two in particular stand out, for all the wrong reasons, and the first and worst has to be poor JVS, who came a massive cropper over a traffic island, flattening a pedestrian as he did so.

Now, there are many arguments already raging about this, and I will come out clearly on the side of JVS and the pro riders. The group of pedestrians, including the elderly lady who was flattened, and a child, were standing on a traffic island, in the middle of a road, during a cycling race.  What sort of idiot stands on a traffic island? It's dangerous enough standing beside the road, as anyone who has seen any races in Belgium knows!

If there has to be a question of fault or blame, then it's her own fault for standing there, and possibly the fault of the marshalls for not ejecting spectators from the middle of the road. There should have been a marshall on the island, as it was in the middle of the road, and it didn't have any sort of bollard on it, just a kerb.

I certainly don't think that it was Johan's fault in any way at all - there's a suggestion that he was trying to bunny-hop the edge of the island and just didn't see her, there's a suggestion that he was nudged off line just as he made the hop - it's simply not clear from the footage.

All you can say for certain is that at one moment the stout lady in the dark red coat is standing on the traffic island, and then the next instant she is flat on her back, with a bike on top of her, and JVS is lying on the ground clutching his face, and ends up being stretchered off to hospital in a neck brace.

Not pretty, no matter how you look at it - and if you really want to there's one here:
http://youtu.be/E8tBa4Uc5OA and another from a better angle, but worse quality here: http://youtu.be/nTgb8Ec3YZ4 and I do not recommend watching all of it, it seems to be a collection of crashes and watching too many crashes makes me start feeling queasy!

There is some suggestion that JVS might face a legal case, especially if the woman dies, but I very, very strongly hope that this does not happen. OF COURSE I am very sorry for the woman, but honestly, she was standing on a traffic island in the middle of the road. That is simply not a safe place to stand!

If you check the second video, there are two adults and at least one small child standing on the island: then JVS goes through them like a mower and the island is suddenly empty. Then the bloke and the child step over the unconcious woman and the holding-head-in-agony JVS and continue to watch the race! Callous, or what?

It's the marshalls who are to blame, if anyone: and from their point of view, it is true to say that no matter how many ropes and barriers you put up, members of the public will crawl past them just as soon as you aren't looking.

But at the same time,  I do hope that there are not any repercussions for the sport - I would hate to see full barriering, or the banning of spectators. I guess we will have to wait and see, and hope that the spectator recovers.

As for poor JVS, he was back on his bike for an hour today, according to the news, but has a very sore face, and appears to be feeling mighty guilty about the whole affair. Sensibly, he is refusing to discuss it. So, best Schlecklander wishes go to JVS for a speedy physical recovery, and no lawsuit.

Talking of callous, there was another crash that took out Popovytch: I thought it was yet another annoying spectator with a badly-managed flappy flag, but it turned out to be an annoying spectator with a stupid flappy coat, which caught Popo's handlebars and threw him down, hard.

 Here's a screen-cap of the very second that her stupid asymmetrical flappy coat catches his handlebars, and a split-second later, he is down in the gutter.

The callous part comes in where, after the poor guy has been lying, stunned, in the gutter for some time, with spectators from the other side of the road running over to make a barrier around him, Little Miss Flappy Coat wanders over, wine glass still in hand, and peers down at the fallen rider. Then she carelessly wanders off, still with her (unspilled) wine glass.

  I do hope that someone who knows her was watching, and gives her a good talking to.

That's her, still clutching her wine glass. Presumably she was hoping to see some blood? The resolution of the video is not very good, but I totally failed to see her mouth making anything remotely like "sorry" shapes.

If you want to watch it, go to this page:

http://www.sporza.be/cm/sporza/wielrennen/140604_rvv_valpartijen

and check the 5th one down.


Ending on a better note, there was a lovely moment where Johnny Hoogerland - honorary Schlecklander and special barbed-wire pet (I, too, have scars from barbed wire  in the leg but I didn't have to have 27 stitches and I didn't ride a bike the next day) - slid off the road along with another rider, just as the course turned steeply uphill. The other rider stopped picking up his own bike, and gave Hoogerland a good, long shove to get him going again. Isn't that amazing? Not even one of his own team-mates, just some anonymous rider, helping a fellow DUTCH!! (not Belgian, thank you B, for pointing that out, too much "Belgian" in this post!) rider. I love this sport - you simply would not get that, in any other sport.

So there you have it, a day full of crashes, and some lingering issues to be sorted out afterwards.