Do you agree that Andy is "not selling"?

Our friends at Stomach of Anger (we like them, they make the great tee shirts including the Schlecklander Uniform Tee) have made this following comment:

What on earth are they talking about?

Here's the picture to which the link links (if you see what I mean):

OK we can all see what they mean about Fabu quite possibly being a male model in a former black and white life, but how can they suggest that Unndy isn't "selling it"? I think he's doing a cracking job of being a male model!  I mean, it fits, he looks cool, if I were a bloke wanting a padded leather jacket, I'd probably ask to try one on, wouldn't you?

Sometimes I think other people don't know what they're talking about...

And personally, I think that's quite a good look for him, don't you? I suspect he was going for "mean and moody" but in my opinion has managed to get "soul piercing" instead. Or possibly "over tired".

Jensi: with long, flowing, blond hair...

Hold onto your hats, ladies:

What a dish! "Jean Vois" as he's known in France, when he was very young and very blond.

Even earlier, here he is looking slight scary in his German National Team kit:

Or he could possibly be delivering the post, I'm not quite sure.

Will this be the shortest blog entry ever made? Will I be able to resist making a comment about Lance Armstrong? No, and No.

Poor old Lance is under fire again: and I'd like to make the following point. OK the following two points.

Point One - I am not a Lance Armstrong fan. I've read two of his books, and he is amazing, and possibly the strongest person alive today (not in the weightlifting sense!).But I'm not particularly a fan, so don't send me hate mail.

Point Two: some people and some cycling press are making a big deal out of the fact that Armstrong always says something like "500 tests and never once positive".  They say that "never been tested positive" is not the same as "never did drugs".

Well, they are right, it's not the same, but remember that Armstrong had cancer, he had four rounds of chemotherapy, which is about the worst thing you can do to a human body. As part of his recovery, he was put on EPO: everyone knows that, he's never tried to hide it, it's part of the medical regime. When it was no longer necessary to keep him alive, he stopped using it. It was months before he was riding and racing again.

But for the rest of his life he can NEVER make that statement "I've never done drugs". If he did, he'd have to same something like "I have never taked PEDs except for that time during and after chemotherapy but before I started racing again." Not as catchy as "never once positive", is it?

Furthermore, Armstrong has certainly investigated every legally allowable chemical/natural remedy/regime that might help: he says quite openly in one of his books that he had/has been taking some extract of calves' liver or something equally delicious-sounding ("not", as the  kids say) which may or may not be banned at some point in the future.

So his statement of his drug position would have to include "and I have never taken a banned substance while it was actually banned" and people just love pulling that sort of statement to pieces, don't they? 

Personally, bearing in mind he's now retired from pro cycling, I think it's time to let the whole thing drop. I know that the US government is concerned about the all the money they put into US Postal, and Certain People (Landis, I mean you) are trying to suggest that the US people have a right to know if their taxes have been used to support someone who may have got some of their victories under the influence of PEDs. But Landis only suggested this when he was unable to "get back" at Armstrong in any other way. All his other attempts to put the blame on Armstrong for his, Landis', use of drugs have failed miserably, so he decided to prod the US Government into doing it for him. What a weasel, eh? Well, that's my view.

And as for Contador: against my better judgement, I am now forcing myself to hope that he is cleared, so that Our Glorious Leader (*pause for fanfare of trumpets*) can kick his bony little butt good and proper later on this year. So there! And thanks Susanne, for that inspiring thought.

Now, do we have any less-than familiar pics of Our Glorious Leader to end on? How about this one:

Headphone guy is saying "So, I hear that you're seeing Coug?" "No, no," replies Andy "I don't know where these rumours start, we're just friends. See, you've made me sneeze now."

The Schlick-Schleck Clock! Plus One!

Just what we all want for Christmas...

What you might not appreciate from this rather poor-quality image is that the eyes follow you from side to side, and the "tail" wags gently in time to the eyes.

(Sorry I can't make a moving gif thing for you, but I do have work to do you know.)

All right, I have just devoted several minutes to making a moving Schlick-Schleck Clock.

I can't find a way to get it here on the page, so I do apologise but you'll have to follow the link.

When you get there, do please click on "like" as it only takes 6 "likes" to make it to the front page of the website....


Don't say I don't do anything for you....

And if you want to know who to blame for this little oddity, blame Figgy for putting the idea into my tiny little head!

---

And in answer to demand: it's the Jakob-Clock! Err, the Feegl-Fugl-Clock? You can make up your own names for it.

The gif is once again at The Gif Site, please click on "like" as many times as possible in order to get it on the front page! I've put it in the category "funny" this time, to avoid that girl with the pierced nipples (ugh! shudder!).

And please note that I have removed the horrible tail and have gone for a simple Trek bike motif instead.

Good  lord - having just gone back there to check that the link works - those eyes really are quite hypnotic, aren't they?

Contador: still hanging on that hook

News from Reuters today that Contador's CAS (Court of Arbitration for Sport, but you already knew that, didn't you?) hearing has been delayed, and now won't be carried out until AFTER the Tour, instead of being safely out of the way before it.

CAS won't say if Conti's lot wanted the change of date, or the UCI: either way, it means that Conti will be racing in the Tour.

Which is all well and good unless CAS uphold his ban, in which case it will be a whole waste of time for everyone else participating in it.

What, exactly, are they playing at? How can it take a year to sort this thing out?

There's been some suggestions on Twitter - yes, I know, I know, I keep saying "never again" but then Auntie Leelu comes along and lures me back there.... - which are worth repeating.

David Harmon (my favourite commentator) asked the question:

I'm not sure about "keeping a name in the TdF", blimey, we have the Schlecks, what more do they want? OK, I might be slightly biased.. but there's Jakob as well, Jensi if his hand heals in time, probably Fab, maybe Little Fab ... not to mention guys from other teams. (*sniffle, no Tondo - glum face*)

Why would ASO be working out how to exclude him? Unless of course they secretly think he's going to be found guilty of taking it knowingly, and therefore likely to be stripped of any title? (I like the way we assume that if Contador took part, he'd win it!) I can barely imagine the headache that the admin department will have if Conti is banned, having to reallocate all those points and prizes, and positions, and money, and stuff.

In fact, it's entirely possible that ASO and RCS (Giro organisers) are now desperately hoping that the ban won't be upheld, don't you think? Just to avoid the admin problems!

And now better news - the Schleck Fanclub have a new flag!!  But alas for Figgy, they don't do it in a "car" version yet...

I love the way they've printed the names below their faces.... as if we can't tell the difference....and hey look, Frankie's eyes follow you round the room.. but what is Undy looking at?

Will the Giro ever end?

Sigh... I've almost had enough of the Giro this year.

What with losing Wouter Weylandt, which was awful: then Leopard Trek leaving (which was understandable) then with Contador having a suspiciously good day up Mount Etna which started the rumours again (which are getting on everyone's nerves by the sound of it) and what with the booing (what was all that about?) and then we have press revelations about Armstrong.... then poor Tondo being killed in while getting ready to go training....and meanwhile the Giro seems to have been going on forever.

It's annoying, (if understandable and I suppose, a good thing) that the press can't make up their minds about Contador either.

THIS report from the Sydney Morning Herald is headlined "Stakes Rise as unflappable Contador's climb goes on."

The reporter repeatedly mentions how calm Contador is, how the pressure of the CAS doesn't seem to be affecting him, how Armstrong could never break him (?) etc.

But we all remember the fragile, sniffling Contador making big tearful puppy-dog eyes at the camera, don't we? What happened to "I'll never race again"? What happened to "I'm so upset at these allegations that I can't sleep and my hair is falling out"?

I suppose we could say that Contador's confidence indicates that he knows that the CAS enquiry is going to find in his favour.

I have already come to the conclusion that the CAS enquiry is fueled far more by politics than by he's-doing-drugs-let's-flatten-him. WADA and the UCI seem to feel that they have to make a stand against the blatant use of the Spanish president etc to get the ban squashed - and so they should. Bans should only be squashed if it's the right thing to do, not because some big-wig says that you must.

Incidentally, going back to the Giro, what was all that booing about?

I watched the Monte Zoncolan stage over the weekend, and I was staggered to hear the booing! I mean, I know we all dislike him for the Chaingate thing, but booing him in a different race, when Our Andy isn't even in it? Oh, it wasn't for that reason, apparently.  What was it then? He gave away the stage the day before, didn't he, and wasn't that a good thing to do? Oh, apparently he did it in a patronising way. It's not considered good form to make a hand gesture in front of everyone: "one" is supposed to pretend to be tired out, to make it look as though the other person is genuinely winning. Well, now I know.

But was that enough to be booed? Apparently the predominantly Italian fans felt that Contador was somehow single-handedly responsible for the cancellation of the mad Monte Crostis downhill plunge that would quite possibly have given Nibali a bit of an advantage, seeing as he is able to descend as though he was hang-gliding.... oh, and the way Conti rounded up some Spaniards to work in his group didn't endear him to the Italian fans either.

I must admit (*looks guiltily over shoulder in case anyone is listening*) that I did laugh as he rounded the last corner, getting his smile in place ready for the cameras, then he heard the boos and his face fell - just like it did on the podium at TdF last year.  But then within seconds I was indignantly asking "why are they booing?"

The Giro seems to be ill-fated this year...  as is Blogger, come to think of it - I started this post yesterday then I wasn't able to access it again until a short time ago. Ooer, perhaps I've used up all my allocation?

Steff'n!

Agh! Thanks to Figgy for bringing this photo to my attention, I thought it was so extraordinary that I'd like to share it with everyone - I know that not everyone reads the comments ("Huh? They're the best part!") or follows all the links.

Stage 5, Tour of California, Steff'n D'neff'l and Oscar Freire broke away from the peloton and were having a lovely time until Steff'n got a flat tyre, and then this happened:

Squark!

(That's me having a worried moment. I mean, Steff'n has a nick-name, he's one of "my" boys...)

But luckily, next minute, with a sound effect something like "doinnnnnnnnng"

There he is, more or less upright again.

With a big 'ole in his knickers.

Yes, Figgy,  it is true, they don't wear underpants under their bib shorts.  Did you not know that? Really? There are many, many pics of bottoms hanging out... in fact I think I had one in the previous entry, after the bit about kangaroos, there was Baden Cooke of SaxoBlank with his botty hanging out, having hit the tarmac at speed. 

That's one of the things that makes this sport so extraordinary, that these guys hurl themselves down mountains, round corners, through towns, etc, while wearing a plastic helmet and pretty much nothing else. They don't call them "skinsuits" for nothing, you know!

No time for more!

ToC: Yay! Andy gets second in Stage 4!

Can't wait to see the footage of this stage - roll on the weekend!

It started with a minute of silence at the beginning, as it was Wouter Weylandt's funeral and of course our boys couldn't be there.

Here's Linus and Andy showing respect.

(Is Andy growing a moustache?)

Then the race got underway, and by all accounts was pretty exciting.

In particular I'm looking forward to seeing the break by Garmin's Ryder Hesjerdal (as opposed to Mechanic Hesjerdal, or Soigneur Hesjerdal) and Paul Martens of Rabobank. According to the report by Cycling News, "....the pair built up a lead of almost a minute before Martens misjudged a turn and rode into a gravel driveway and had to stop, get back onto the road, and chase back to Hesjerdal..."

That I have to see! He missed the turn, went up someone's drive and had to stop?!! Wonderful. Nearly as good as that time in Omloop when Pozzato went the wrong way round a roundabout, and found himself cycling, alone, on the wrong carriageway, forcing him to lift his bike over the barrier and run across the grassy central reservation......

Back to California - and Our Jensi gritted his teeth for all he was worth:

Yay, go Jensi!

And at the final stretch, ok Chris Horner of RadioShack went storming across the line with a clear lead of over a minute, which is phenomenal, but Our Glorious Leader made those pedals turn and beat the rest to come in second, yay! Go, Andy!

It seems that at 30k to go he gave all his fans a heart attack by dropping back to the rear of the peloton, but there wasn't a problem, he was just out of water and getting thirsty. No time to stop to knock on someone's door, of course, so he went back to the team car for new bottles. And from there, he surged all the way back to the front, yay! Go Andy! (*pauses for quick chorus of Chou Andy*) (*and yes, I was doing the dance*).

Praise to be heaped upon Steephill TV again for the photos, I can't recommend this site enough, it seems to be all done by one chap, who gets all the bib numbers and start lists, all the results, coverage info, streaming, some great photos, I don't know how he has the time to keep up to date on all the races, but however he does it, he's doing a great job, so well done Steve, keep up the good work.

So, results? Andy second, Linus 10th.

And in the GC it's now:

6 Andy
8 Linus
50 Jakob
53 Jensi
71 Martin P
101 Steff'n'd'neff'l
109 Anders Lund
113 Martin M

Yay, go Leopards! They're at the seaside tomorrow (tonight? today? I've lost track...) for the next stage, so that should be interesting. And I'm glad to see that the sun has come out, that's more like my idea of California.

The weekend is going to be very difficult, as we have hours and hours of cycling recorded. I expect that I will be wanting to watch the ToC, but I am sure that LLB will insist that we finish watching the Giro first. He's right, of course......  luckily dear old Miss Fede is keeping me up to date with the Giro on her blog, so thanks, FeeDee! 

BTW, I've found a sort of directory of cycling websites, it's at http://www.blogs.cycling-challenge.com. Please do go and have a look, and vote for Eisen Andy! No, only joking, there isn't a voting system.

Oh, can't quite sign off without including this rather nice pic of OGL when he was still a puppy: all together now, "D'aaw!"

Leelu and Nim - great present, thanks!

Big thanks this morning to Leelu and Nim for the lovely present, unfortunately it seems to have been delivered to the wrong address.

Here's the video.

Laugh? I certainly did!  In case the link doesn't work for you, it's a report on the BBC news (and therefore true) that a woman in Lyme Regis found a "rather large, red-coloured animal" in her back garden.

Lyme Regis, by the way, is a very small village on the south coast of England, famous for producing fossils. It's one of my favourite places, and I shall be even more keen to go there now, to pick up my present from Oz.

This woman thought it was a fox (*snorts with laughter*) until it started hopping around at high speed. Here's a fuzzy still from the fuzzy footage. It's clearly not a fox.

Digression: there is a reference to the RSPCA, which is the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals - a charity created in 1824 to campaign against, as the name suggests, cruelty to animals. Interestingly, the NSPCC - National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children - was not formed until 1884, 60 years later, and is still only a "national" society, not a "royal" one. Shows how much the English think of their pets, doesn't it?

Anyway, the interviewer says "Were the RSPCA able to give you any clues as to what they think it might be?"  Woman answers "Not really."

For heaven's sake, I'm a botanist not a biologist but even I could say with certainty "It's either a small Kangaroo (note spelling) or a big Wallaby, and has probably escaped from a local zoo/circus/private collection."

I would probably add "don't try to catch it, let it eat the grass and the leaves, you could try tempting it with cheese-flavoured crisps" although that last one is from the internet, and we all know how reliable that is...

So, on to Cycling: Tour of California, in all the glorious sunshine, California Girls, Daisy Duke shorts with bikinis on top, sunshine, heat, mmm, lovely.

Stage one: Ah.

Not so good then.

Gnasher, what were you thinking? You were supposed to order the sunshine!!

So, Stage one cancelled.

Odd news, the organisers changed their rules about doping just a few weeks ago, on the 3rd Feb: they changed the rule that says that no-one is allowed to participate if they are under investigation for doping.

This meant that Lance Armstrong, who is still under investigation, after all these years, would have been able to participate. But for some reason he didn't. So, that didn't work, then.

While checking this out, I found a video featuring Jensi, one of my favourite Leopards, who has been talking to Steephill TV - I love Steephill TV, it has the worst Gui but the best content on the internet, regarding who is in each race, stage details etc. - about how to pronounce his name properly:



Quote of the day: he says he can't tell us how it is most often pronounced wrongly, as he's not sure all the viewers are over 18. Yes, I think we can guess what he means! I also liked his nicknames - Jensi, Ze Chermann, or Big Fellow. (*snorts of laughter*)

Back to the Tour - Stage Two: moved at very short notice to Nevada, who were delighted to be suddenly hosting the event. The townspeople deserve huge credit for organising themselves so well, so quickly. I can't imagine what my town would do if told that a major race is coming through tomorrow....

I won't be seeing the footage until the weekend, so there's no point me trying to tell you about the race, but Ben Swift won the stage, yay! And one of the SpiderTech riders, Kevin Lacombe, lead out the sprint finish and came fourth, so well done SpiderTech,  Svein Tuft must be very proud.

Stage Three: Greg Henderson of Sky won the stage! This means that Sky are now leading the GC with Greg in first place, Ben Swift in second. LLB will be so pleased!

The final lap was quite hairy.


Baden Cooke of SaxoBlank - right - hit the ground very hard and ripped the backside out of his shorts, as you can see here.

But he managed to remount, and finished under his own steam, as did Will Dugan of TeamType 1 and our Jensi, who both had a bad crash right at the finish, in the lead out to the final sprint.

And of the Leopard boys? Linus came in 25th, Jakob was 43rd, Andy  50th. Poor Jensi limped in 4mins 37 seconds down in position 132, but at least he finished, yay Jensi!

In the GC:

20  Linus
48 Jakob

65 Andy
78 Steff'n'd'neff'll
91 Anders Lund
100 Martin P
108 Martin M
132 (by coincidence!) Jensi

And there is plenty of time yet for things to change!

Oh, update on the "Wallaby" story - I love the way they put the word in quotes, to indicate that they're not quite sure that it really is a wallaby - apparently we have a number of wallabies living wild in the UK!! Amazing!!

Contador - not innocent until proven guilty AT ALL!!!

Miss FeeDee made an interesting point on her blog the other day: she comments on the way Contador simply flew up Mount Etna when all around him were panting and collapsing.

This had led her to a crisis of conscience on the theme of "I should give him the courtesy of saying he's innocent until proven guilty, but blimey, the way he shot up that hill like a rocket makes me think that he must be on something - oh, confusion!"

Well, here's my two-penn'th, as we say in England in the late 1950s:

The phrase "innocent until proven guilty" relates to English law.

Now, Contador is a cyclist, and his ruling body is the UCI, who are based in Switzerland - not in England - and they have Rules, but they don't make laws.

If you break a UCI rule, you get penalised by them, but you don't go to jail.

The worst that can happen is things  like fines, bans, and having past wins taken away from you. A cyclist who breaks UCI rules (not laws, rules) may never be able to cycle professionally at that level again, but he doesn't go to jail, and he won't have a criminal record for the rest of his life.

So, "innocent until proven guilty" doesn't apply. Especially as Contador has already been proven guilty - the lab results showed that on several days he had Clenbuterol in his system. He can't deny that, but he is trying to prove that that he didn't do it deliberately.

Not quite the same thing!

So we don't have to worry about being fair to Conti, we just have to wait for CAS to get their act together and decide what they are going to do about it.

In the meantime, blimey, he flew up Mount Etna like a rocket, was he on something???!!

As several people have said on Miss FeeDee's blog, we all want Conti to be clean, we all want cycling to be clean, but really? To drop everyone else like that?

On the one hand, I can't imagine anyone being stupid enough to use PEDs when in Conti's position, ie the eyes of the world upon him and the likelihood of testing being about 100%.

But on the other hand, he went up that hill like a rocket!

And this is someone who spent months under suspension and suspicion, who was frequently seen nearly in tears, who didn't have a relaxing winter break like everyone else, who was stressed to a severe degree, who didn't have a proper training regime, and who allegedly only had 30 days' warning before his first race this season.  And who already has four stage wins and two overall wins.

It reminds me so much of one of my early Tours de France, when a young rider shot past everyone else on the hill, and LLB explained to me that he was looking so surprised because no-one should be able to ride uphill like that, at that stage in a race. Yup, it was Floyd Landis.

Sigh.

And another sigh - I haven't seen any footage of the Amgen Tour of California yet, it's all sitting on LLB's recorder, waiting for the weekend.  Apparently the first stage was cancelled due to snow:

So, in order to present the usual cheerful face to my fellow fangirls, here is a picture that I thought might amuse you/us/me.

Here are Anders Lund and a highly-muffled Andy Schleck talking to the Sky car:

"So, Andy, why don't you make life easier for Cougar Girl and join us here at Sky? You could come and live in England, which would be nice for Coug, Kara, Eli, Original Kara, and all your other UK fans: and it means that Coug wouldn't have to support two teams."

Andy: "Smmmmfff mmfffffff nkkk mmmfffff."

"Well, you already speak very good English, you'd feel right at home here."

Andy "Hffff mffff mmf-mfffnfffff?"

"Yes, we have McDonalds."

Andy: (*pauses to think*) "Mffffff -"

At that moment Brian Nygaard appeared with a big stick and the interview was over.

The Giro Goes On...

...without Leopard Trek.

And life goes on for the rest of us as well.

Fede has summed it up superbly in her blog entry "The Show Must Go On" so instead of adding my thoughts to the many already expressed, I'll just say that I agree totally with Miss FeeDee.

Also like Fede, this blog has been subject to a bit of mauling by Blogger, which has been up, down, up again, down again, not available etc for the last couple of days.

I was beginning to think that either:

a) I had broken Blogger in the same way that I broke Twitter, or

b) Blogger was getting jealous of me spending time on Twitter, and was trying to teach me a lesson.

All right Blogger, I will be faithful unto you, and will forsake Twitter. There, are we happy now?

Talking about being happy now, without in any way wanting to diminish the sadness of the tragic death of Wouter Weylandt, I am looking forward to the start of the Tour of California tomorrow, not least because Our Glorious Leader is in it. He's team leader this time,  and the coveted (well, I think so) Number 6 has gone to Anders Lund:

And on a personal level I am particularly happy, as LLB gave me a present yesterday:  look - socks!!!

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you, I now have a pair of genuine performance Leopard Trek socks, JUST LIKE the ones the guys wear.

Possibly the most expensive pair of socks I will ever own.....

And I don't even own a bicycle!!

(shock, horror, hope I don't lose most of my followers after that terrible admission.)

For anyone who is over-interested in what the boys wear on their feet, I can tell you that they are black underneath, which is very sensible, and the blue part is a lot brighter than the blue on their jerseys: and they have a mesh panel on the top, running over the tops of the toes, for added ventilation and cooling.

There, sock appreciation moment is over, hope you enjoyed it.

Jakob's flat.

Before we get onto the Tour of Romandie, a minor digression into Jakob's flat, which as we all know, is in the same block as Andy's flat.

Here it is:

Wow, so uncluttered! So clean!

What has Andy done to his forehead?

And is he growing a moustache? Cries of "No! No! Don't do it!"

Tour of Turkey

Yes, we've finally finished watching it, in instalments over the last couple of weeks. The race is generally accepted to be training for the Giro D'Italie - which starts today, YAY!

Digression: bit of a disappointment for us Schlecklanders, there won't be a Schleck in sight. Leelu will probably enjoy it, though, as Mr Orange Head is in it: but he doesn't have Lucky Number 6, that's gone to Davide Vigano, with Brice Feillu taking number one.

Interestingly - well, to me at any rate - Team Leopard have very nearly gone in alphabetical order:

101	FEILLU  Brice	FRA
102	KLEMME  Dominic	GER
103	ROHREGGER  Thomas	AUT
104	STAMSNIJDER  Tom	NED
105	PIRES  Bruno	POR
106	VIGANO  Davide	ITA
107	WEGMANN  Fabian	GER
108	WEYLANDT  Wouter	BEL
109	ZAUGG  Oliver	SUI

If they'd just put Bruno at 103, it would have been perfect.... of course, poor Daniele Bennati was supposed to be in it, but he's out of action for a while longer yet.

Anyway, back to Turkey: with no Leopard, and no Sky, I decided to support SPIDERTECH!! for the race, yay for Svein Tuft.

In case you haven't seen them, this is Team Spidertech in their kit: quite nice, raglan shoulders in THAT shade of blue, white fronts and backs, fading into grey at waist level: black "nappy" style shorts with white legs.

Fairly easy to spot in the peloton, but from the back you can't see the blue shoulders, so in my opinion, they should have put a band of blue across their backsides.

Honestly, what amateurs design these kits? Not just Spidertech's, I mean all of them: I'm getting tired of hearing the commentators grizzling on about how hard it is to tell the teams apart. You'd think that whoever designs the kits would, at the very least, have SEEN a race, and been aware of the common angles from which they are viewed.  At least Garmin had the sense to change their hat colour from blue and white to plain blue on top, so that from the front, we can pick them out....

Right, end of moan.

Hilariously, and this never stopped being funny, in this race, the peloton is called the "Bunch". Every time the graphic came up, there was some sniggering from my side of the sofa. I mean, bunch? When there is a perfectly good word for it? Peloton, guys, peloton! But no, Turkey insist that it is the Bunch. Well, they can call it what they like, it's a peloton to me.

Day 1: with 17kms to go SaxoBlank decide to have a go, and one of their guys peels off the front. Oh no! An old boy with a flat cap decides, at exactly that moment, to stroll across the road in front of them. Luckily they all avoid him.

It ended in a mad sprint finish, with Guardini of Farnese Vini (left)  taking it, looking for all the world like Cav.

Is Guardini really Cav, in disguise?  Surely not.

Suddenly, cries of "Oh no, an accident on the finish line?"  There's a sudden cluster of high-vis bibs, is it the paramedics? Oh, it's ok, it's just Farnese gathering for a team photo.

Day 2:  coverage was due to start at one o'clock, so at 12.30 we turned on the TV. It was already running!  Grrrrr.

Much confusion today, the leader's jersey in this race is blue: yes, THAT shade of blue. This made the leader pretty much indistinguishable from NetApp, Liquigas, Spidertech ("Yay!") Astana and Colgano.

Honestly, the Pro-Continental teams have just the same problem as the Pro-Teams.  I really think the UCI should consider making someone responsible for being an Information Point for team kit.  Not any sort of ruling, just a central place where teams can log a picture of their kit, updating it as soon as it's changed, so that teams thinking of changing kits can see what's already out there and maybe can slightly amend their designs before they go to print, as it were. Just a thought.

The commentators were talking about yesterday, and a bit of a scandal when Petacchi of Lampre hit a Francais de Jour rider just as they approached the finish line. Do they have footage? Yup. OK, let's have a look then. Ouch! That was a full-on closed fist thump, swinging the arm downwards with some speed. Yes, we all know cyclists have spindly arms compared to, say, boxers, but still, that was quite a thump. "He's been sent to the Naughty Step" said Carlton Kirby. Is he reading the blog as well? "And was given a one minute penalty." Quite right, too.

Once again we admired Garmin's blue hats, makes them so much easier to spot - oh dear, what's happened to that one? Garmin 5 (Travis Meyer) hits the deck, very hard. Ouch. He now has his backside hanging out, and a big rip in his chest. But he gets back on his bike, and spends the rest of the race being very, very safe, right at the back. And who could blame him.

Oh! Someone said "Andy Schleck"!  Ah, the commentators are talking about the time that OGL took a turn carrying water bottles during the TdF. Huh, we thought that was a good thing, showing that OGL is not a prima donna, but the commentators think that he was wasting his energy. Well, I guess they are entitled to their opinions.

This stage ended in what would have been an exciting sprint finish except that hardly anyone had race numbers visible, which led to some confusion. Someone from Astana won.

Day 3: With 2km to go, the commentator said "Svein Tuft is leading them on!" Yay, go Svein!

Day 4: (yes, that's all that happened in Day 3) our coverage came in with 45kms to go, and  a 31 minute gap! How on earth did that happen? There was a leading group of 8 or so, then 45 seconds to the chasing group, and everyone else half an hour behind. No point looking at them, then. Let's see what the chasing group are up to. Someone's gone off the front! It's SVEIN TUFT again, haah hahh hahhah,  go Svein! He bridges to the leading group, but by the time he gets there, someone has gone off the front, so he's still in a chasing group, but well done Svein!

At this point Carlton Kirby says "Welcome to the plentiful viewers tuning in from Oz" so there is a chorus of "Hi, Leelu!" from the sofa. And some strange noises from the koala bear and the KangERoos, presumably they are also saying Hi Leelu.

We're now at 26km to go, the rain has stopped, and Svein Tuft has peeled off the chasing group and is alone in pursuit of Fouchard, who is leading. Svein catches Fouchard! What a great day for Spidertech. Svein hasn't shaved today, but this doesn't seem to be slowing him down. He and Fouchard are working together now, and have just over a minute on the chasing group. Probably not enough to win the stage, but plenty enough to make their sponsors very happy.

Fouchard takes a sticky jacket from his team car. Svein pedals on. Fouchard takes a sticky bottle from the team car. Svein pedals on. The camera bike is watching every move. Fouchard throws away his old (non-sticky) bottle, which rebounds off a wall and hits the camera bike - splat! Water everywhere! Much laughter from the sofa, but the commentators don't seem to have seen it.

8kms and although Fouchard and Svein are still leading, they are definitely going to be caught. Just as the chasing group approaches them, the coverage suddenly changes to a replay of the water bottle hitting the wall incident. This time the commentators see it, much laughter.

Fouchard kicks! Svein goes too! NetApps shoots past, but Petacchi gets it on the line. Never mind, Svein, good try, excellent TV break, and it shows what Tuftage - and getting a mention on this blog - can do for a rider.

Day 5: As always, the coverage starts with a lovely travelogue of the most beautiful shots of Turkey: romantic couples, mountains, elegant dining, sunsets: then we cut to the footage - oh look, they're going through an industrial estate. Bit of a contrast.

Today we were treated to a very arty shot of a tortoise thinking about crossing the road, just as the peloton swept past. Don't do it, little fella!

Spidertech were in the breakaway, yay! which at 16km had an 8 minute gap, and the peloton were cruising along in a leisurely manner, as though it were a Sunday club outing. At 4km to go, and a gap of 12 minutes, they were still admiring the scenery (of the industrial estates, no doubt) and chatting amongst themselves, oblivious of the exciting sprint finish we had up front. And Farnese did it again!

Day 6: our coverage started with just 17km to go. Was it worth it? Actually, no, as nothing whatsoever happened.

Day 7: with 46km to go, Garmin have split the bunch using the "wind" technique that Sky seem to have invented earlier this year. You know, wait for a bit with a good sidewind, then stretch them out until the peloton breaks. There was quite a lot of elbowing and naughty temper in the back bunch, but I suppose at this stage of a Tour,  people are tired and tempers are getting short.

I took a close look at Garmin, pulling on the front, and look! One of them has his sleeves tucked up! It's not Johan Van Summeren, he's not in this race - who could it be? Is it a trend? A fashion statement? Does he read this blog and is he now hoping to win his next race? Well, duh, I'm sure that he IS hoping to win his next race, you know what I mean. Will the Magic of Schleckland find a new winner? I'm pretty sure it was Van Marek, so look out for him in the near future and remember, you read it here first!

Lovely camera bike shot of the Caja Rural car, with the mechanic sitting in the back seat mending a puncture while they were driving. I have always wondered about that! I mean, there are only so many wheels that you can get onto a car, and what if they used them all up? Also, what do they do with the punctured wheels, does the back of the car end up a tangled mess of greasy, dirty wheels? Now I know: in the smaller teams, at least, they sit there and fix them. Or maybe Caja Rural, being a small team, only had one spare wheel?

Anyway, it was another sprint finish, and Farnese pinged out from nowhere again and won the stage, which they deserved.

So, that was the end of the Tour of Turkey - not the most fascinating of races, lots of very samey stages, and of course none of our favourites were in it, but still enjoyable.

Liege Bastogne Liege - Aaaaaaw!

Many thanks to VirtKitty for giving us the link to the video of Andy after the race, being a bit tired and somewhat emotional:

"Words are superfluous" said NOS Sport.

No kidding!

Poor guy, all that pressure to win it: new team, big hopes, responsibility that the team has been built around him, he'd better have some wins to justify all this faith and money: he's won it before, so he should be able to win it again: etc etc etc.  Who can blame him for being a bit stressed at this point?

I love the way that as soon as Martine touches his back, he instantly turns round to her - not hiding, or ashamed, or embarrassed, or anything - just taking a quiet moment for himself.

And we all know what happens next, aaaaaaw, liddle Leea gets a big kiss.

Look, he's puckering up!

Liege Bastogne Liege - The Race

Aha! I've found my notes!

Our Eurosport coverage started with a shot of Movistar's Jesus Herrada being dropped by the peloton: good grief, he looks about 12 years old!

Are we watching a Junior race by mistake?

But no, it appears to be the correct race. Here he is:

Later on it transpires that he is the youngest rider in the race today, being just 20 years old.

(Actually, I quite like the Movistar socks.....)

The commentators are speculating that Phil Gil might be going to Astana - where do these rumours come from?

Hold on while I have a quick search on google - ah, from Eddie Mercx, apparently: back on 1st Jan there he was, doubting Conti, saying that Phil Gil was the strongest rider and was a Tour contender, but suggesting that he might need to move teams to get a win at the Tour. He also said that Andy Schleck would win the Tour one day, yay! Go, Andy!

Now a quick digression about race numbers: I'm starting a conspiracy theory, right now. Here it is: I think that Andy's lucky or favourite number is 6.

You know how race numbers are created: they give out 1-9 to the first team, usually the one containing the rider who won the race last year: then a second team are 11-19, then 21-29, 31-19 etc. 9 is the biggest team, conveniently. Generally, number 1 goes to the Team Captain or Road Captain: not quite the same thing. Damn, I am going to have to write Auntie Coug's Intro To Pro Cycling, aren't I? Anyway, the rest of the numbers then get dished out to the rest of the team, and don't appear to be in any particular order. I mean, it's not by age, or alphabetically.

But it seems to be that Andy is usually either number 1 (71, 121, etc) or number 6.

So if I ever get to meet Andy Schleck (god forbid, I'd probably burble like an idiot or do something reprehensible) I shall attempt to behave like an adult and ask an intelligent Question, ie how do they allocate the race numbers, and does he ask for number 6 in particular.

For LBL, Team Leopard Trek were given the 70s, so Andy was 71 and Frankie got 76.

Criterium International: Andy 41, Frankie 46.

Tirreno-Adriatico it all went horribly wrong, Fabian was 171, Andy got lumbered with 172. Joost Posthooma got 176, perhaps there was a fight in the bus on the way there...

Fleche-Wallone: Andy 71, Frankie 76.

See what I mean? Definitely a pattern.

Back to the race: I was looking at the Garmin riders, and trying to spot Johan Van Summeren, part-time Schlecklander, but again he was no-where to be seen. Does he not need to race, ever again, now that he's won Paris-Roubaix?

More strange comments from Eurosport: Vinokourov (*boo*) is going to become a DS for Astana? ugh, what a horrible thought. But it means he would no longer be racing, so that's not all bad news, then!

In case you don't know why I dislike "Veeno" so much, he did drugs, you might remember, and got banned:  now he's back, and he has never said "I was wrong to do drugs" or "I'm sorry I did drugs" or "I won't do it again." So I dislike him for those reasons.

Also, he has no eyebrows, and that's just weird. Look for yourselves!

The strange comments go on: Little Fab was struggling, at one point, and the commentators were saying things like "He's not had much of a year..." (it's only April) "...so far, you've got to wonder what length contract he has with Leopard, probably only one year." Huh! (*huffs indignantly*) 10kms later, Little Fab is at the front and pulling, so yar boo sucks to them. He was also pulling terrible faces, but that's ok.

So, the actual race then: first crash of the day, Steffan'd'Neff'l down and not looking good: Jakob looking strong, as usual: one of the Omega guys pushes Jakob as though to say "you carry on working!" but Jakob sits up and says "No! You lot get up there and do some work!"

At 21kms to go, as we all know, Gilbert peels off with Andy and Frankie - are they going to do the Schleck Sandwich on him? Alas, no, they don't: Gilbert looks very strong indeed, and meets all attempts at a break.

Veeno gets a puncture, ha! ha! unsympathetic laughter from me.

The final downhill section: oooer, please don't let there be a ravine anywhere, in case Frankie takes a header over it... luckily, no ravines, everyone makes it safely to the line. OK, Gilbert got there first, but 2nd and 3rd, two Schlecks on the podium, not bad, chaps, not bad at all!  From the Eurosport footage, I could have sworn it was Andy second, Frankie 3rd, but they say it was the other way round, and they were there, so they must be right. No overhead shots for us today.

And my pet carrot, Anton, came in 14th, yay!

Well, that's Liege-Bastogne-Liege over for another year, pity Andy didn't win it again, but that's how life goes.

So, moving on to a pet obsession of mine, Search Terms. There is a determined person out there, who wants some particular information and keeps ending up on this site. They must be getting quite frustrated by now. Their search terms started with:

Andy Schleck girlfriend (as previously mentioned, yeah, we've all been there)

Then we had:

Andy Schleck new girlfriend

Andy Schleck girlfriend April 2011 ("interestingly specific" as I said at the time)
Andy Schleck girlfriend 2011 (they just can't let it go, can they?)
Andy Schleck shower (hang on, that could be someone else...)
does taking clenbuterol improve singing (huh?)
Jakob Fuglsang eyebrows (ah, happy days)
Singing eisen andy. (hey! they've heard of us!)

And, my personal favourite for the week so far:

What does the o mean for team leopard trek

You are not alone in wondering that, my friend!

Liege-Bastogne-Leige

Late again.... I know...

...and I can't find the note I wrote during the race to remind myself of things I thought worth mentioning...

so I'll just post this pic of Our Glorious Leader at the finishing area, being totally ignored by the cameras in favour of whoever it was that won it - some bloke with an earring, I believe.

There was an even worse one, where some bird in a white shirt was actually pushing past him to get to Gilbert! Fancy pushing past Andy Schleck to get to someone else! (*incredulous look*). But I wasn't prepared to give that one any more coverage than it already had.

Obviously this is only one tiny, tiny moment, and I am sure that both Andy and Frankie were very shortly surrounded by lots of cameras and people, but to capture just this one moment:- you can see why Mr Miny is a professional photographer, can't you?

Don't worry, Andy, we still think you're lovely.

Three Days of de Panne

...all happened so long ago that I'm sure you've all forgotten about it: and after all, Team Leopard Trek wasn't even in it, so why was I watching it? Well, Sky, my second team, were in it: and having been deprived of cycling all over the winter, I am now happy to watch pretty much any men's pro-cycling.

I'm even learning some of the Continental teams! They have such great names, like Veranda's Willem. The willem of Veranda? Who is Veranda? Could she be a mysterious dark-eyed former beauty queen, hiding herself away in her fading years, attended only by her faithful former lover Willem (that's William spelt wrong, by the way),  whose only other interest is his pro-cycling team.

Or possibly, Willem is her faithful attendant, who manages the household, deals with the tradesmen, cuts the grass etc, and it is her former lover, spurned and rejected when she lost her beauty but who still carries a torch for the lovely Veranda, who sponsors the team, and named it after his lover's attendant....   sorry, what was that? Time to get back into the straitjacket? Surely not, we haven't even said OGL's name yet!

OK, De Panne.Day 1.  Lovely sunny day. Described as "a climber's day", so, lots of hills. Good start to the event, two guys are carted off to hospital, oh dear. It was cat-and-mouse right up to the end, and Greipel won it, but regretted it when he was handed the most hideous trophy ever seen.

Just look at it!

Described somewhere as "a 6th form art project" and they're not far wrong.

I mean, what have we got? A sort of crescent moon, but with a mushroom (is that significant? Is is a mushroom-growing area? Are there fairies there?) growing on the end, and with strange bobbles on it.

A religious icon of some sort.

Another mushroom.

A man with a yellow jersey, no trousers, and terrible bed-head hair reclining on the steps, and either blowing into a sort of horn (that green thing under his arm) or sucking on some sort of pipe.

All very dodgy. Oh, and I nearly forgot the orange box of tissues, balancing on a snowball.

And the lovely piece of hardboard for a base! What, they couldn't even be bothered to cover up the rough edges??!!

I bet that trophy didn't even make it back to the hotel that night....

Day 2: the sprinters' day.  Ah, the famous "sticky bottle" episode: Stijn Devolder (pronounced Shtan, like Stan - very old-fashioned English name, no-one under the age of 75 called Stan any more - but while wearing false teeth) had the longest sticky bottle episode ever seen, leading Magnus Backstedt to say that he would be penalised "at least a minute and a substantial fine" by the commissaires.

Then a strange moment: a guy fell off at the very same tree that we saw in Gent-Wevelgem! The very same corner! I remember saying at the time that it was a bit mean of the organisers to set up a static camera on that particular corner, as though they were expecting tumbles - and of course there were several, it was a horrible tight corner, narrowing into a bottleneck, on a very poor surface. "How to make cycling more interesting for the casual viewer: get lots of pics of accident." Hmmm.

Back to the race, David Harmon usually invites comments on Twitter, but today he said that they couldn't get any comments, as the Twitter page was overloaded.

See, I broke it!

Finally, much excitement towards the end, as Graeme Brown broke for the line, amid many shouts of "Graeme Brown?" from LLB and I. He nearly did it, too, he was third in line right up to the last sprint.

Day 3: this was always going to be an odd day: a half-stage in the morning, a mere 111kms, short break for lunch and a lie-down, then a individual Time Trial to see who ate too many pies at lunchtime.

And it was a grizzly, drizzly day.... as they did the signing in and getting ready bit, there was a stout and homely Podium Girl.... fairly obviously someone's daughter... but aha, there's hope for me yet! I can't find a photo of her, sadly.

Shtan Devolder avoided sanctions, in the end: he withdrew from the race. Coward! Face it like a man, man!

The race wasn't particularly thrilling, other than a glimpse into the sidelines: at one point the course ran alongside a long straight stretch of canal, with a road on the other side, which appeared to have a series of minibus outings on it. There were minibuses from Topsport-Mercator, saw that one, and Quickstep: I couldn't read the names on the others, but there must have been a dozen of them. I wonder how you get a seat on one? Was it just for that stretch? Were they provided by the organisers? They were all the same model of minibus, so they weren't provided by the teams: and all the same colour, but with the team names sign-written all over them. Again, I can't find photos of them... thinks, must find a way to get a screen cap from the TV.....

Then, at 14km to go, great excitement: Miss FeeDee was leading the escape! Huh? Oh, my mistake, it was Federico, not Federica. I did wonder why Miss FeeDee hadn't mentioned it on her blog... so, Mr FeeDee Canuti of Colnago lead the escape, looking very relaxed. He lead right up to 3km to go - a classic TV break.

It ended in sprint finish, and Graeme Brown ("Graeme Brown?!") nearly won it!

Day 3 after lunch: Mr FeeDee was leading the time trial for a long time, yay!  I loved the hilarious layout of the TT course, particularly that long straight road, up one carriageway, screech round the central reservation and back down the other carriageway. Bad enough for the cyclists, but to watch the team cars all having to stop and do a three-point turn was just hysterically funny. One car failed to make the turn, was too late to do a three-point as the car behind him was too close, so he just bumped up the kerb and bashed into the hedging! Great stuff.

Although the commentators didn't mention it, Niki Terpstra of Quickstep crashed, we saw him sitting by the road with his arm in a sling. Later, it turned out that he'd broken a collarbone, poor boy.

Oddly enough, I noticed that Lieuwe Westra of VacansOleil appeared to have something down  his jumper, very much a la Frankie: again, sorry, can't find pictures of it. However, no-one said anything.

This was possibly one of the shortest time-trials, not in duration, but in lack of competitors: due to that lovely old rule about finishing in time-of-winner-plus-12%-or-whatever-if-average-more-than-45kpm etc etc, 77 riders were out of time, and only 56 were able to take part in the TT.

So there it was, De Panne over and done with.

And now for something totally non-cycling-related: easter eggs, and What Are We Teaching Our Children?

Actually, not totally non-cycling-related: you might remember me mentioning that during Fleche-Wallone, LLB and I were eating easter-eggs, and he was taking advantage of my concentration on watching OGL to steal bits of my egg. The beast!

Well, as I was putting the carton into the recycling bin (*my halo gleams*) I noticed that there were some rather strange illustrations on the box.

 Here's the first one - look , these two bullying bunnies are terrorising another bunny by painting it with splodges of brown and beige ("Soooo 70s, my dears").

You can tell the tortured bunny is not enjoying it, his ears are all down and his eyes are closed as though he was crying.

Or possibly he's asleep? Well, that would be a kinder interpretation, but it's still pretty mean to play tricks on other bunnies/people while they are asleep.

Then there's this one, on the side of the carton: one bunny is, by the look of it, bursting a paper bag (or possibly a chick, if you want ultimate cruelty, although I'm not sure that popping a chick would make a big enough Bang! unless you inflated it first....) to make the other bunny leap up, startled.

Now, you may well scoff, or say that I am reading too much into this, but it's no wonder that today's children are turning out to be little monsters, if this is the sort of subliminal programming that they are receiving?