Sorry, Schlecklanders, I'm a bit behind with my posts due to pressure of work and study: I tell you, kids, listen to Auntie Coug - make the most of being at school, college or university while you can. Studying there is easy, it's all around you, you're used to it, everyone around you is doing it, and - I know you will hate me for saying this - you have no responsibilities and can just get on with it. Plus it's always day-time, your eyes aren't tired after a day of work, and you are so young that you don't ache all over as a matter of course.
Once you are a grown-up, it's one hell of a lot harder to study! Not only am I working full-time, I do extra work, plus other extra work, plus running my household, plus blogging, plus unpaid work: it's really difficult to find the time to study, other than in small chunks, slipped in here and there wherever they will fit. (Oh, and seeing LLB as well, mustn't forget to allocate time for him!)
So don't do drugs! Don't waste your time! Study hard - go that extra mile: if the course that you are studying does not occupy you all day every day, then do some additional subjects or modules or whatever you call them, while you can.
Oh, and I forgot to say that adult education costs A LOT OF MONEY as not only do I have to pay for the course, but I have to take time out of my life to do it, and sometimes I have chosen to study, where I could have been out earning money.
Right, end of rant.
Saturday 28 April 2012
Thursday 26 April 2012
Liege-Bastogne-Liege and Inge's Flag
We come in at 103km to go: and almost immediately I'm reminded of Inge's fabulous story about Lars Boom having a puncture, frantically waiting for the new wheel and being accosted by a fan asking for his signature. "Dude, I'm racing!" he said. At 103km to go we see Lars Boom at the front of the chasing group, clearly telling the camera bike to get out of the way. All together now:
"Dude, I'm leading!"
It's early days, but I spot a small collection of RaNT jerseys near the front of the peloton; but it is Shack, or are they Leopards? I still worry about them not pulling together as a team.
Suddenly, the race speed picks up, the gap is dropping, it's all getting very exciting and then we cut to an interview with Rodriguez, and then an interview with Frankie. "I have done a lot of training," says Frankie, looking rather like Andy ie dour and non-smiley: "and a lot of sack fighting."
Huh? Is this a new training regime? I used to do this on horseback, we would half-fill a sack with straw and try to knock each other off with it: and if anyone dropped it, it was a free-for-all until someone else had picked it up - without getting out of the saddle of course. But I can't quite imagine Andy and Frankie galloping around their lake on horses...
Perhaps he meant lots of sacrifices?
I am nearly as puzzled by this as by the rather unusual step of stopping the race in order to have interviews, until we realise that there are serious problems with the footage, and they have lost the picture. We are being shown interviews from earlier in the day, and pictures of the start (oh look, there's Andy, "Hi, Andy!" as he waits on the line) until such time as we can get the pictures back.
Oh dear, the pictures are back, but we have already seen this footage, except that the first time around, we had a commentary to go with it. We hear David Harmon's voice apologising that they can't hear anything from the race, so they don't know if they are commentating to us, or have been cut off for an advert break or for interviews. Then, for quite some time, we get race pictures and race sounds, but no commentary.
Well! I will never again criticise the commentators: watching a race without a commentary is pretty damn dull!
LLB and I, predictably, start making our own commentary, but before it gets too silly, we get David Harmon back. He clearly still doesn't know if we are hearing him or not, and we suspect that he can't see the race footage, as he's giving a lecture on how racing has changed in the last year, with no more long breaks: the teams now try to keep their squad together, in order to get as many men as possible into the top 10 in order to get UCI points.
I have been saying this for the last year!!! I guess it's good to know that other people are now realising it as well.
80km to go and we are now getting French commentary. Huh? Oh that's better, we're back to no commentary at all. LLB and I start making it up again.
LLB: "Aaaaand Sammy Sanchez has made it back to the peloton."
Me: "Oh, well done Sammy. Do you think his forehead hurts when he wrinkles it like that?"
LLB: "Aaaaand the peloton are slowing down: they are adjusting their hats and taking off their gilets."
Me: "Foolishly, it would appear, as there are black clouds up ahead."
LLB: "Mmmm, you might be right. There certainly seems to be some weather coming up."
Me: "Aaaaaand Jensi is on the front of the peloton! The speed is picking up! Go Jensi!"
(LLB gives me a Look, as I am getting a bit over-excited. I sit back down again.)
Thankfully, the proper commentary returns, just as we see Andy ("Hi, Andy!") at the back of the peloton. What's he doing there? Did he go back to the car? Comfort break? No one knows.....
Once again the race footage is interrupted for an interview, but this one is with Andy *sits up straight on the sofa and pays attention*. Oh dear, he's very "down" again. He says that he is working for Frankie and for Chris Horner, as he is concentrating on July. Not a single smile, no twinkle in his eyes. Oh dear.
There we go, told you so, it's raining: jackets are going on, arm warmers are being rolled up and Sean Kelly comments on the number of winter gloves being worn.
Incidentally, am I the only one to find it hilarious when they roll up their arm warmers but don't quite get them aligned properly with the sleeves of their jerseys? It's that little flash of bare skin, it always makes me laugh. Possibly the proximity to the legs is what makes it funny: there's a subliminal "stocking top" feel to it.
We see Gilbert, very relaxed, at the car, swapping his specs and picking up some arm warmers. I don't particularly like Gilbert, for no real reason, but I'm starting to feel very sorry for him, as he must be under so much pressure to perform this year. But no-one can have a season like the one he had last year, and then repeat it, surely? Years like 2011 are rare things: he had a stormer of a season and won nearly every race he entered! But now he's been bought by a new team, and they are clearly expecting some return for their money, so I expect he is feeling the pressure.
Mind you, it's not all bad news: so far Gilbert has 72 UCI points, that is twice as much as the entire SaxoBank team...
Anyway, Gilbert, relaxed, taking his time to wrap up the arms: well no wonder, he has a team-mate at the front of the peloton who is doing a very good impression of someone pulling the peloton, whereas actually he is dawdling along in order to keep it easy for Gilbert to get back into it.
It takes a while, but eventually the other teams realise this, and push on past the BMC guy. Suddenly a SaxoBank rider pings off the front! Is he doing this for sponsor-time? Or is it a desperate effort to get points? Yes, Saxo still have only 32 points. Fancy, that's half as many as Gilbert has, all by himself.
At 41k to go we get a nice shot from the front of the peloton, with Frankie in his black coat and Andy ("Hi, Andy!" ) just in front of him. LLB says "They look miserable." Don't they all! There are lots of wet muddy bottoms to be seen, where the road spray is rising: suddenly the second-most-popular-sponsor-site is looking like less of an good idea...
Well done, Inge, and wow! it's bigger than I thought it was. Even LLB was impressed.
Now we're at 25k to go, and the race is starting to hot up: there's a small group chasing the 3-man break, and it almost looks like Andy? The commentator confirms that it's not Frankie... but clearly he doesn't know who it is, either.
David Harmon is now burbling on about "the industrial heartland of the Liege area." Is he seeing the same pictures as us? We have lush fields, green trees, forests, neat little houses scattered around beside the road: not exactly heavy industry.
As Nibali descends, we get a lovely soft focus effect on the camerabike, where the lens is steaming up from the rain. It persists right through to the end, giving us a very romantic, soft view of the area, and of the final chase.
At 8km to go, the group suddenly slow up, as no-one wants to pull. Now, Andy! Come zooming around the corner behind them! Now! Drat, it doesn't happen, and we get the amazing finish where Nibali just about kills himself, but is thrashed by Iglinsky. I'm really glad that Nibali got second, he certainly deserved it: well, he deserved to win, but there again, Iglinsky deserved it as well, he did a superb job of chasing.
Gilbert wobbles home all along (shame, shame *coughs*) and I am left to admire the number of Lux flags there are at the line, and to think that I must try and get myself one.
"Dude, I'm leading!"
It's early days, but I spot a small collection of RaNT jerseys near the front of the peloton; but it is Shack, or are they Leopards? I still worry about them not pulling together as a team.
Suddenly, the race speed picks up, the gap is dropping, it's all getting very exciting and then we cut to an interview with Rodriguez, and then an interview with Frankie. "I have done a lot of training," says Frankie, looking rather like Andy ie dour and non-smiley: "and a lot of sack fighting."
Huh? Is this a new training regime? I used to do this on horseback, we would half-fill a sack with straw and try to knock each other off with it: and if anyone dropped it, it was a free-for-all until someone else had picked it up - without getting out of the saddle of course. But I can't quite imagine Andy and Frankie galloping around their lake on horses...
Perhaps he meant lots of sacrifices?
I am nearly as puzzled by this as by the rather unusual step of stopping the race in order to have interviews, until we realise that there are serious problems with the footage, and they have lost the picture. We are being shown interviews from earlier in the day, and pictures of the start (oh look, there's Andy, "Hi, Andy!" as he waits on the line) until such time as we can get the pictures back.
Oh dear, the pictures are back, but we have already seen this footage, except that the first time around, we had a commentary to go with it. We hear David Harmon's voice apologising that they can't hear anything from the race, so they don't know if they are commentating to us, or have been cut off for an advert break or for interviews. Then, for quite some time, we get race pictures and race sounds, but no commentary.
Well! I will never again criticise the commentators: watching a race without a commentary is pretty damn dull!
LLB and I, predictably, start making our own commentary, but before it gets too silly, we get David Harmon back. He clearly still doesn't know if we are hearing him or not, and we suspect that he can't see the race footage, as he's giving a lecture on how racing has changed in the last year, with no more long breaks: the teams now try to keep their squad together, in order to get as many men as possible into the top 10 in order to get UCI points.
I have been saying this for the last year!!! I guess it's good to know that other people are now realising it as well.
80km to go and we are now getting French commentary. Huh? Oh that's better, we're back to no commentary at all. LLB and I start making it up again.
LLB: "Aaaaand Sammy Sanchez has made it back to the peloton."
Me: "Oh, well done Sammy. Do you think his forehead hurts when he wrinkles it like that?"
LLB: "Aaaaand the peloton are slowing down: they are adjusting their hats and taking off their gilets."
Me: "Foolishly, it would appear, as there are black clouds up ahead."
LLB: "Mmmm, you might be right. There certainly seems to be some weather coming up."
Me: "Aaaaaand Jensi is on the front of the peloton! The speed is picking up! Go Jensi!"
(LLB gives me a Look, as I am getting a bit over-excited. I sit back down again.)
Thankfully, the proper commentary returns, just as we see Andy ("Hi, Andy!") at the back of the peloton. What's he doing there? Did he go back to the car? Comfort break? No one knows.....
Once again the race footage is interrupted for an interview, but this one is with Andy *sits up straight on the sofa and pays attention*. Oh dear, he's very "down" again. He says that he is working for Frankie and for Chris Horner, as he is concentrating on July. Not a single smile, no twinkle in his eyes. Oh dear.
There we go, told you so, it's raining: jackets are going on, arm warmers are being rolled up and Sean Kelly comments on the number of winter gloves being worn.
Incidentally, am I the only one to find it hilarious when they roll up their arm warmers but don't quite get them aligned properly with the sleeves of their jerseys? It's that little flash of bare skin, it always makes me laugh. Possibly the proximity to the legs is what makes it funny: there's a subliminal "stocking top" feel to it.
We see Gilbert, very relaxed, at the car, swapping his specs and picking up some arm warmers. I don't particularly like Gilbert, for no real reason, but I'm starting to feel very sorry for him, as he must be under so much pressure to perform this year. But no-one can have a season like the one he had last year, and then repeat it, surely? Years like 2011 are rare things: he had a stormer of a season and won nearly every race he entered! But now he's been bought by a new team, and they are clearly expecting some return for their money, so I expect he is feeling the pressure.
Mind you, it's not all bad news: so far Gilbert has 72 UCI points, that is twice as much as the entire SaxoBank team...
Anyway, Gilbert, relaxed, taking his time to wrap up the arms: well no wonder, he has a team-mate at the front of the peloton who is doing a very good impression of someone pulling the peloton, whereas actually he is dawdling along in order to keep it easy for Gilbert to get back into it.
It takes a while, but eventually the other teams realise this, and push on past the BMC guy. Suddenly a SaxoBank rider pings off the front! Is he doing this for sponsor-time? Or is it a desperate effort to get points? Yes, Saxo still have only 32 points. Fancy, that's half as many as Gilbert has, all by himself.
At 41k to go we get a nice shot from the front of the peloton, with Frankie in his black coat and Andy ("Hi, Andy!" ) just in front of him. LLB says "They look miserable." Don't they all! There are lots of wet muddy bottoms to be seen, where the road spray is rising: suddenly the second-most-popular-sponsor-site is looking like less of an good idea...
AND AT 35k TO GO - INGE'S FLAG!!
Well done, Inge, and wow! it's bigger than I thought it was. Even LLB was impressed.
Now we're at 25k to go, and the race is starting to hot up: there's a small group chasing the 3-man break, and it almost looks like Andy? The commentator confirms that it's not Frankie... but clearly he doesn't know who it is, either.
David Harmon is now burbling on about "the industrial heartland of the Liege area." Is he seeing the same pictures as us? We have lush fields, green trees, forests, neat little houses scattered around beside the road: not exactly heavy industry.
As Nibali descends, we get a lovely soft focus effect on the camerabike, where the lens is steaming up from the rain. It persists right through to the end, giving us a very romantic, soft view of the area, and of the final chase.
At 8km to go, the group suddenly slow up, as no-one wants to pull. Now, Andy! Come zooming around the corner behind them! Now! Drat, it doesn't happen, and we get the amazing finish where Nibali just about kills himself, but is thrashed by Iglinsky. I'm really glad that Nibali got second, he certainly deserved it: well, he deserved to win, but there again, Iglinsky deserved it as well, he did a superb job of chasing.
Gilbert wobbles home all along (shame, shame *coughs*) and I am left to admire the number of Lux flags there are at the line, and to think that I must try and get myself one.
Thursday 19 April 2012
Are Fangirls Quackers?
I haven't finished watching Fleche-Wallone yet (although we all know how it ended) so I don't have any comments to make on that race yet.
But a question arose concerning the amount of rain in the Classics area, and there was a suggestion that our riders should be developing webbed feet as a precaution, or possibly to make them go faster. Clearly, this would require re-naming of the teams.
Our boys would therefore become RadioQuack.
As you can see, the kit is stylish and classy in this new incarnation: don't worry about the lack of sponsor names, it's only due to my very basic graphics package and my lack of time....
RadioQuack will of course be chased by the other teams, who would no doubt try to copy this new strategy, before the UCI ban it.
LiquiQuack were first to leap into the breach, closely followed by EusQuackTel, who were very pleased that their orange kit nicely complemented the beak colour.
SaxoQuack, still with only 32 points, oh dear, were prepared to try anything that might help them get through this season.
Omega Pharma QuackStep (currently leading the UCI team rankings) are looking very promising.
Sky ProQuacking Team and GreenEdge ProQuacking Team - well, I think those two haven't fully embraced the philosophy. Perhaps once they see how well the others are doing, they might participate a little more whole-heartedly.
Garmin-Quack-a-cuda, however, are splashing away like mad, they are really keen to get their little webbed feet pedalling.
AG2Quack la Mondiale, likewise, are coming up fast, and are determined not to let SaxoQuack overtake them in UCI points.
The Dark Lords of Katusha were a bit reluctant to get involved: they wanted to be known as The Quack Lords of Katusha, but it was rejected by the UCI, so for the time being they have settled on a tentative Ka-QUACK-ka, with the emphasis firmly on the middle syllable.
Right, time I got on with some work.... have a nice day, everyone!
But a question arose concerning the amount of rain in the Classics area, and there was a suggestion that our riders should be developing webbed feet as a precaution, or possibly to make them go faster. Clearly, this would require re-naming of the teams.
As you can see, the kit is stylish and classy in this new incarnation: don't worry about the lack of sponsor names, it's only due to my very basic graphics package and my lack of time....
RadioQuack will of course be chased by the other teams, who would no doubt try to copy this new strategy, before the UCI ban it.
LiquiQuack were first to leap into the breach, closely followed by EusQuackTel, who were very pleased that their orange kit nicely complemented the beak colour.
SaxoQuack, still with only 32 points, oh dear, were prepared to try anything that might help them get through this season.
Omega Pharma QuackStep (currently leading the UCI team rankings) are looking very promising.
Sky ProQuacking Team and GreenEdge ProQuacking Team - well, I think those two haven't fully embraced the philosophy. Perhaps once they see how well the others are doing, they might participate a little more whole-heartedly.
Garmin-Quack-a-cuda, however, are splashing away like mad, they are really keen to get their little webbed feet pedalling.
AG2Quack la Mondiale, likewise, are coming up fast, and are determined not to let SaxoQuack overtake them in UCI points.
The Dark Lords of Katusha were a bit reluctant to get involved: they wanted to be known as The Quack Lords of Katusha, but it was rejected by the UCI, so for the time being they have settled on a tentative Ka-QUACK-ka, with the emphasis firmly on the middle syllable.
Right, time I got on with some work.... have a nice day, everyone!
Monday 16 April 2012
Amstel Gold
Aha ha neighing, it's that time again - podium girls dressed in beermats, lovely! *searches for photo;*
There you go, last year's podium girlies, and yes, that dress is made of beermats, and yes, that peculiar head-adornment is also made of beermats.
No-one seems to know if these are real beermats,or fake fabric ones: bearing in mind that podiums often contain showers of champagne - not to mention showers of rain from time to time - you'd think it would be quite risky, if they were actual beermats. Why, someone might try to mop up the podium with the podium girl!
Or, more amusingly, would the cardboard swell up if it got wet, so that the podium girls suddenly appeared to be XXL sizes?
Moving on from that speculation - here in the UK our coverage started at 70km to go, we are hearing that there is a break of 9 or so riders about 10 minutes up the road, the Dark Lords of Katusha and BMC are pulling on the front, and "some other teams" are "content to hang on their coat-tails". What ever do you mean, Mr Harmon, Mr Kelly? "Mostly RadioShack," they continue, "there's a whole raft of them up there." I'd call that good tactics, myself.
Would be nice if we could see them, please? Nope, helicopter shots only. Grrr.
Oh look, there's Johnny Hoogerland at his team car (hurrahs for Johnny Hoogerland!) and he already has a bandage on his elbow. Have there been crashes? What happened? Instead of telling us, Harmon is going on about the delights of racing in the Netherlands, "oh look," he says, "stuff all over the road." He means road furniture such as road signs, roundabouts, traffic islands, trees, speed bumps etc etc etc, and indeed, the peloton seem to spend as long bunny-hopping and cornering as they do actually racing.
We hear that Cadel is out ("Already?") (or, "But is Andy still in?") but no reason as to why: meanwhile Gilbert is getting lots of screen time as his team bring him up to the front of the bunch. We are getting the information that this is a long, long race, and that the last 50kms is where it will start to get interesting. I love it when they say that - as though it's been deadly dull so far. I'd be sooo insulted if I were racing......
For your general information, there is peace on the sofa today: no cheesy-biscuit wars, as LLB has the bowl all to himself - I'm full up on chocolate (which I rarely eat) as he kindly bought me chocolate Easter Bunnies, yum. I've had some interest from across the pond as to what exactly the "cheesy biscuits" are: well, ok, Lisa tweeted me and asked the question. Here we are:
Sadly, I can't find a photo on the internet of the actual snacks, and of course we've now eaten all of them, so I can't take a photo of them. Next time, if I remember. Basically they are very small little crunchy snacks, very slightly cheese-flavoured, and they make ideal sofa-fighting food, as we put them in a small bowl on the sofa between us, and the routine is to select a tiny handful - usually 2/3 at a time - without taking our eyes off the screen.
This means that we have to watch each other out of the corners of our eyes, and when one person makes a stealthy move towards the bowl, the other one tries to get there first and block them.
LLB, being devious as well as Lovely, sneaks his fingers inside mine as I am trying to get hold of the biscuits, and steals them out from between my fingers. Or he puts his entire hand over the top of the bowl and prevents me getting access. Or he takes hold of one of my fingers and holds it up, so I can't get the other ones close enough to make a grab for the contents. All this, I should say, is done silently and without looking, the game being to provoke the other person into indignantly saying "Eeeere! You're cheating!" or into looking at the bowl.
Er hem *clears throat in embarrassment* where was I? Oh yes, Amstel Gold.
On the sofa, there is much laughter as we see a Lotto rider go down in a slo-motion tumble, losing his chain, and swatting away a would-be helper as his team mechanic rushes up, blocking the entire (narrow) road while he expertly slings the chain back on then pushes the rider (Van Den Broek) on his way. Oh what a shame, it's the VIP car that has been held up. Snigger snigger. After the Tour last year, we are not particularly keen on cars in the peloton, even the team cars, so we rather enjoy seeing the VIPs being held up.
Matti Brueshal retires: we see him and another rider pulling over at a corner, and at first we think they have crashed - but no, David Harmon tells us that if you know the area, there are many side ways and short cuts back to base if you've had enough, and clearly these two have had it for the day. I love the idea that, just before that point, there might have been a conversation - "Pfff, I've had enough, how about you?" "Yeah, my legs feel terrible, there's no way I'm killing myself getting up those last hills." "Shall we stop, then?" "Awww, the team cars are way ahead, they'll never come back for us." "No worries, we can take the turning just up ahead,. it's only 20km back to base from there." "Really? Any hills?" "Nope, pan flat. How about it?" "OK, you lead, I'll follow." and you could be coming home from shopping or something, and encounter two pro-cyclists doodling along your road, glumly comparing palmares as they plod wearily back to the hotel, while the spectators can be heard on the Cauberg, shouting and cheering...
Meanwhile, back at the real race, Sean Kelly is talking about RaNT - "they have a very strong team" he says, adding that the Schlecks will need to attack more than 20k out if they are to have a chance of winning. "It's no good them leaving it too late," he says "they will need to attack early." Are you listening, lads?
At 47km to go, we appear to be down to 4 RaNT riders at the front, but all we are getting are helicopter shots, so we can't tell who is there and who has dropped back, which is a bit frustrating. Johan Van Summeren is getting lots of screen time, which is great for all the SummerenLanders *waves to fellow fangirls* and, predictably, here he is at the front, pulling away. Hmm, where have all the RaNT boys gone? Not one to be seen!
LLB, who is checking Twitter - but keeping his laptop out of my reach - suddenly says that Cadel is already tweeting! He must have rushed back to the hotel at top speed - or maybe he's sitting on the team bus, all alone and sad, with just his wifi for company.
I'm pleased to see some Lux flags already in evidence, which is great: and not surprising, seeing as all three Lux riders are on the RaNT team today. Thinks: are there any other Lux riders in the peloton? Wasn't Karsten Kroom one of Andy's buddies? No, hang on, he's Dutch. OK, just two Schlecks and a Didier, then.
Astana are now drilling it on the front, and I can just spot Andy, behind them. Go, Andy! Or rather, Stay behind them, out of the wind! Their lead doesn't last for long, Chris Anker Sorensen leaps off the front, and makes a fairly convincing attempt at a break. I remember reading a news report from him earlier, saying that he felt good and was hoping to have a good result at this race. Could this be it? David Harmon is describing him as "Denmark's National Gurning Champion" which makes me laugh.
NB "Gurning" is pulling gargoyle-like faces, and used to be very popular in the north of England, when people didn't keep their teeth much beyond their thirties.... if you don't believe me, google it!
At this point in the race I am becoming quite distracted by the noise of the camera bike - it sounds like a strimmer, you know, that constant whining that never seems to let up or change in tone. Sounds like he's stuck in first gear! Annoyingly, we still get the noise of the bike, even when we are looking at helicopter shots.
As there's not much excitement at this point, LLB and I are discussing the new Argos kit, which we haven't really seen yet. "It's mostly white," I say, "not that different from the ITV4 kit". At that very moment, lo! and behold, an Argos rider pings off the front. Yes, the kit is mostly white, with pale green bits. We don't get a particularly good look at it, as he is swallowed up by the peloton almost immediately, but well done him for trying.
As though to confirm our opinion, LLB tells me that Blazing Saddles is tweeting about the race being very dull. I suppose he means that there are no crashes? Mate, if that's your idea of excitement, then I don't think much of your opinion. Mind you, I've totally given up reading that blog: it used to be funny, and clever, but lately it just seems to be snarky and insulting. Oh well.
With 23km to go (Andy! Frankie! Where are you! You should be attacking by now!) we now get GreenEdge on the front: go, guys! Love the kit! Again, no sign of any Leopards at the front, which I think is odd: they've been sitting in a bunch, in the really good position of about 8/9th from the front, for so long, but now that we're getting into the dangerous/exciting bit, they are nowhere to be seen.
BMC now displace GreenEdge at the front, they have brought Gilbert up and he's looking comfortable, for the first time this year. David Harmon says something like "Hmm, that's interesting." I hope that he means that it's interesting that Gilbert appears to be improving his form as the race progresses, not "interesting" in a "what is he taking to make him suddenly improve" sort of way. The main peloton has now shrunk to about 20 riders, and I can just make out one Leopard: and suddenly we are getting a name check for the entire team, for no apparent reason. However, we are grateful for this, much better than not being mentioned for the entire race!!
At this moment my second team, Sky, suddenly rise to prominence - Edvald Boesson-Haagen-Daas pings off the front in a surprise attack which gets BMC all in a flurry, ha ha ha! They have to really make an effort to get him back, over-stretching themselves - it's a great tactic which works perfectly, as Gilbert now only has one rider with him. Edvald drops back into the group, and now Tommy Voeckler and Pete Sagan make a break.
LLB is jumping up and down on the sofa yelling "Are you mad? Don't let those two get away! Chase!" so it's a good thing he finished up all the cheesy biscuits, otherwise they'd be all over the floor by now. LLB looks at me. "What are you writing?" he says. I raise my eyebrows innocently.
My word, it's getting exciting, I do hope that Blazing Saddles is still watching. Now Oscar Freire goes away, and I note that he's now riding for Katusha, so he's now a Dark Lord. "Who was he riding with?" I ponder, "Euskaltel?" "No, Rabobank" says LLB. Ah, orange kit. Well, I was close.
Sean Kelly is reminding us that the last 1200m is all uphill. They sweep under the 1km to go banner and turn left. Still on the flat. Er hem. Ignoring this, I can see there's a Leopard in the leading group - is it Frankie? Go, Frankie! As we switch to the overhead shot, I'm amused to see writing on the road - "Andy" then "Frankie" then "Happy Birthday" all in the same writing. Memo to self, must find out what paint/chalk is used for writing on roads before ToB this year.
And there are lots and lots of Lux flags at the finish! Hey, Inge, where was yours? I looked out for it, but didn't see you...
So, as you all now know, Gilbert made a brave bid for the line but just didn't have the legs, and faded out just a few metres to go. Why was I happy to see that? I don't dislike Gilbert - maybe I still bear a grudge for last year, when he sat on Andy and Frankie then pipped them for the win? Or maybe I don't want to see another rash of same-person-winning-all-the-time. Well, for whatever reason, I'm a little glad to see Gilbert fading, then horrified to see Nordhaug being taken out and slammed to the ground by Cunego. Ouch! The only amusing point is when, from a different camera, we see them pick themselves up off the road, Cunego makes a very Italian hand gesture to Nordhaug, as though it were his fault! Huh!
Final results: Little Fab came in 8th, Frankie made 12th - no points, but well done Frankie - Andy came in 91st out of 145 finishers - 188 starters. So, at least he finished the race, well done Andy! *pats Andy on the back*
And finally, here is a Steephill pic of RaNT in action:
No-one seems to know if these are real beermats,or fake fabric ones: bearing in mind that podiums often contain showers of champagne - not to mention showers of rain from time to time - you'd think it would be quite risky, if they were actual beermats. Why, someone might try to mop up the podium with the podium girl!
Or, more amusingly, would the cardboard swell up if it got wet, so that the podium girls suddenly appeared to be XXL sizes?
Moving on from that speculation - here in the UK our coverage started at 70km to go, we are hearing that there is a break of 9 or so riders about 10 minutes up the road, the Dark Lords of Katusha and BMC are pulling on the front, and "some other teams" are "content to hang on their coat-tails". What ever do you mean, Mr Harmon, Mr Kelly? "Mostly RadioShack," they continue, "there's a whole raft of them up there." I'd call that good tactics, myself.
Would be nice if we could see them, please? Nope, helicopter shots only. Grrr.
Oh look, there's Johnny Hoogerland at his team car (hurrahs for Johnny Hoogerland!) and he already has a bandage on his elbow. Have there been crashes? What happened? Instead of telling us, Harmon is going on about the delights of racing in the Netherlands, "oh look," he says, "stuff all over the road." He means road furniture such as road signs, roundabouts, traffic islands, trees, speed bumps etc etc etc, and indeed, the peloton seem to spend as long bunny-hopping and cornering as they do actually racing.
We hear that Cadel is out ("Already?") (or, "But is Andy still in?") but no reason as to why: meanwhile Gilbert is getting lots of screen time as his team bring him up to the front of the bunch. We are getting the information that this is a long, long race, and that the last 50kms is where it will start to get interesting. I love it when they say that - as though it's been deadly dull so far. I'd be sooo insulted if I were racing......
For your general information, there is peace on the sofa today: no cheesy-biscuit wars, as LLB has the bowl all to himself - I'm full up on chocolate (which I rarely eat) as he kindly bought me chocolate Easter Bunnies, yum. I've had some interest from across the pond as to what exactly the "cheesy biscuits" are: well, ok, Lisa tweeted me and asked the question. Here we are:
This means that we have to watch each other out of the corners of our eyes, and when one person makes a stealthy move towards the bowl, the other one tries to get there first and block them.
LLB, being devious as well as Lovely, sneaks his fingers inside mine as I am trying to get hold of the biscuits, and steals them out from between my fingers. Or he puts his entire hand over the top of the bowl and prevents me getting access. Or he takes hold of one of my fingers and holds it up, so I can't get the other ones close enough to make a grab for the contents. All this, I should say, is done silently and without looking, the game being to provoke the other person into indignantly saying "Eeeere! You're cheating!" or into looking at the bowl.
Er hem *clears throat in embarrassment* where was I? Oh yes, Amstel Gold.
On the sofa, there is much laughter as we see a Lotto rider go down in a slo-motion tumble, losing his chain, and swatting away a would-be helper as his team mechanic rushes up, blocking the entire (narrow) road while he expertly slings the chain back on then pushes the rider (Van Den Broek) on his way. Oh what a shame, it's the VIP car that has been held up. Snigger snigger. After the Tour last year, we are not particularly keen on cars in the peloton, even the team cars, so we rather enjoy seeing the VIPs being held up.
Matti Brueshal retires: we see him and another rider pulling over at a corner, and at first we think they have crashed - but no, David Harmon tells us that if you know the area, there are many side ways and short cuts back to base if you've had enough, and clearly these two have had it for the day. I love the idea that, just before that point, there might have been a conversation - "Pfff, I've had enough, how about you?" "Yeah, my legs feel terrible, there's no way I'm killing myself getting up those last hills." "Shall we stop, then?" "Awww, the team cars are way ahead, they'll never come back for us." "No worries, we can take the turning just up ahead,. it's only 20km back to base from there." "Really? Any hills?" "Nope, pan flat. How about it?" "OK, you lead, I'll follow." and you could be coming home from shopping or something, and encounter two pro-cyclists doodling along your road, glumly comparing palmares as they plod wearily back to the hotel, while the spectators can be heard on the Cauberg, shouting and cheering...
Meanwhile, back at the real race, Sean Kelly is talking about RaNT - "they have a very strong team" he says, adding that the Schlecks will need to attack more than 20k out if they are to have a chance of winning. "It's no good them leaving it too late," he says "they will need to attack early." Are you listening, lads?
At 47km to go, we appear to be down to 4 RaNT riders at the front, but all we are getting are helicopter shots, so we can't tell who is there and who has dropped back, which is a bit frustrating. Johan Van Summeren is getting lots of screen time, which is great for all the SummerenLanders *waves to fellow fangirls* and, predictably, here he is at the front, pulling away. Hmm, where have all the RaNT boys gone? Not one to be seen!
LLB, who is checking Twitter - but keeping his laptop out of my reach - suddenly says that Cadel is already tweeting! He must have rushed back to the hotel at top speed - or maybe he's sitting on the team bus, all alone and sad, with just his wifi for company.
I'm pleased to see some Lux flags already in evidence, which is great: and not surprising, seeing as all three Lux riders are on the RaNT team today. Thinks: are there any other Lux riders in the peloton? Wasn't Karsten Kroom one of Andy's buddies? No, hang on, he's Dutch. OK, just two Schlecks and a Didier, then.
Astana are now drilling it on the front, and I can just spot Andy, behind them. Go, Andy! Or rather, Stay behind them, out of the wind! Their lead doesn't last for long, Chris Anker Sorensen leaps off the front, and makes a fairly convincing attempt at a break. I remember reading a news report from him earlier, saying that he felt good and was hoping to have a good result at this race. Could this be it? David Harmon is describing him as "Denmark's National Gurning Champion" which makes me laugh.
NB "Gurning" is pulling gargoyle-like faces, and used to be very popular in the north of England, when people didn't keep their teeth much beyond their thirties.... if you don't believe me, google it!
At this point in the race I am becoming quite distracted by the noise of the camera bike - it sounds like a strimmer, you know, that constant whining that never seems to let up or change in tone. Sounds like he's stuck in first gear! Annoyingly, we still get the noise of the bike, even when we are looking at helicopter shots.
As there's not much excitement at this point, LLB and I are discussing the new Argos kit, which we haven't really seen yet. "It's mostly white," I say, "not that different from the ITV4 kit". At that very moment, lo! and behold, an Argos rider pings off the front. Yes, the kit is mostly white, with pale green bits. We don't get a particularly good look at it, as he is swallowed up by the peloton almost immediately, but well done him for trying.
As though to confirm our opinion, LLB tells me that Blazing Saddles is tweeting about the race being very dull. I suppose he means that there are no crashes? Mate, if that's your idea of excitement, then I don't think much of your opinion. Mind you, I've totally given up reading that blog: it used to be funny, and clever, but lately it just seems to be snarky and insulting. Oh well.
With 23km to go (Andy! Frankie! Where are you! You should be attacking by now!) we now get GreenEdge on the front: go, guys! Love the kit! Again, no sign of any Leopards at the front, which I think is odd: they've been sitting in a bunch, in the really good position of about 8/9th from the front, for so long, but now that we're getting into the dangerous/exciting bit, they are nowhere to be seen.
BMC now displace GreenEdge at the front, they have brought Gilbert up and he's looking comfortable, for the first time this year. David Harmon says something like "Hmm, that's interesting." I hope that he means that it's interesting that Gilbert appears to be improving his form as the race progresses, not "interesting" in a "what is he taking to make him suddenly improve" sort of way. The main peloton has now shrunk to about 20 riders, and I can just make out one Leopard: and suddenly we are getting a name check for the entire team, for no apparent reason. However, we are grateful for this, much better than not being mentioned for the entire race!!
At this moment my second team, Sky, suddenly rise to prominence - Edvald Boesson-Haagen-Daas pings off the front in a surprise attack which gets BMC all in a flurry, ha ha ha! They have to really make an effort to get him back, over-stretching themselves - it's a great tactic which works perfectly, as Gilbert now only has one rider with him. Edvald drops back into the group, and now Tommy Voeckler and Pete Sagan make a break.
LLB is jumping up and down on the sofa yelling "Are you mad? Don't let those two get away! Chase!" so it's a good thing he finished up all the cheesy biscuits, otherwise they'd be all over the floor by now. LLB looks at me. "What are you writing?" he says. I raise my eyebrows innocently.
My word, it's getting exciting, I do hope that Blazing Saddles is still watching. Now Oscar Freire goes away, and I note that he's now riding for Katusha, so he's now a Dark Lord. "Who was he riding with?" I ponder, "Euskaltel?" "No, Rabobank" says LLB. Ah, orange kit. Well, I was close.
Sean Kelly is reminding us that the last 1200m is all uphill. They sweep under the 1km to go banner and turn left. Still on the flat. Er hem. Ignoring this, I can see there's a Leopard in the leading group - is it Frankie? Go, Frankie! As we switch to the overhead shot, I'm amused to see writing on the road - "Andy" then "Frankie" then "Happy Birthday" all in the same writing. Memo to self, must find out what paint/chalk is used for writing on roads before ToB this year.
And there are lots and lots of Lux flags at the finish! Hey, Inge, where was yours? I looked out for it, but didn't see you...
So, as you all now know, Gilbert made a brave bid for the line but just didn't have the legs, and faded out just a few metres to go. Why was I happy to see that? I don't dislike Gilbert - maybe I still bear a grudge for last year, when he sat on Andy and Frankie then pipped them for the win? Or maybe I don't want to see another rash of same-person-winning-all-the-time. Well, for whatever reason, I'm a little glad to see Gilbert fading, then horrified to see Nordhaug being taken out and slammed to the ground by Cunego. Ouch! The only amusing point is when, from a different camera, we see them pick themselves up off the road, Cunego makes a very Italian hand gesture to Nordhaug, as though it were his fault! Huh!
Final results: Little Fab came in 8th, Frankie made 12th - no points, but well done Frankie - Andy came in 91st out of 145 finishers - 188 starters. So, at least he finished the race, well done Andy! *pats Andy on the back*
And finally, here is a Steephill pic of RaNT in action:
Saturday 14 April 2012
Oh dear, things are not going as well as hoped: I got all excited after Circuit Cyclist Sarthe, which Andy finished - although I was a bit miffed that we had no coverage of it - and he said afterwards that he was feeling good. But now he's crashed and abandoned another race, the unpronounceable Brabanse pijl.
According to the report, he had a bad crash, and hurt his hand, but got up and rode on ("Go, Andy, go!") but when he reached the final destination, instead of doing four (I think) laps, he only did one, then retired.
Here he is at the beginning, looking all bright-eyed and tufty-headed:
Mind you, less pleasing, here is an interview before the race - seldom have I seen such a non-happy, non-smiling Andy: watch it, and tell me what you think.
There have been some comments lately to suggest that Andy is off form, past his best, a no-hoper for the Tour, etc etc. Well, *shrugs shoulders and makes pfff! noise with Gallic gesture* that might be the case, I'm not a DS and I'm not privy to his training schedule - although in the video, he does say that he has done more training this year than ever before, which can only be a good thing.
If I had to take a guess, I'd say that being bounced into three teams over three seasons can't be good for the soul, nor good for the rhythm.
I also believe that luck comes into it: not in the doom and gloom sense of "oh dear we're having bad luck this year" being a self-fulfilling prophecy, but in the sense of "we've had some bad luck this year: it's not down to lack of preparation, poor form, inadequate training or bad bike-handling skills - it's just bad luck."
So we'll have to see how things pan out tomorrow, at the Amstel Gold. Velonation point out that it's a long way to the Tour, but they do admit that the Schlecks are not showing their 2011 form yet. Nice to see a news report that says that they are not in good form, without making rude remarks about it! Some of the forums, and especially Twitter, are on a real Andy-hate-fest at the moment.
I asked LLB why there should be so much hate of Andy, in particular: he commented that it's often disillusioned "fans" who thought he was good, got all keen about him, then took it personally if he "let them down" by not winning. Or by not attacking, or by not finishing a race, er hem. Something to do with these people feeling that they've been made to look foolish in some way - some imaginary way.
It is also a fact, much lamented by me, that if you go back a year and read the comments, many of those fangirls have moved on. (Although I do know that some of them do still read the blog, they just don't feel moved to comment, which is fine *waves to Armchair Schlecklanders* as long as they still enjoy reading about cycling and, occasionally, about OGL) I guess people can "grow out of" following particular athletes.
Oh well!
Just to give more joy to the cycling world, Tony Martin - the "Dripping Cod" as he is known - former lead-out man for Mark Cavendish, has been knocked off his bike while out training, resulting in some serious injuries. He was on a cycle lane as well, which makes it all the more annoying, and some woman driver drove across it, knocked him out, broke his eye-socket, jaw and cheekbone, and he has now been found to have hairline fractures in his shoulderblade and upper arm as well. Ouch.
And as for the Amstel Gold, riders are already dropping like flies, according to this report from Velonation: the worst news in this collection is that Johnny "Barbed Wire" Hoogerland might be out, he has a sore throat and is not sure if he'll be ready to ride.
So, fingers crossed, everyone, that both Schlecks manage to start, finish, and get a place in the race tomorrow!
According to the report, he had a bad crash, and hurt his hand, but got up and rode on ("Go, Andy, go!") but when he reached the final destination, instead of doing four (I think) laps, he only did one, then retired.
Here he is at the beginning, looking all bright-eyed and tufty-headed:
Mind you, less pleasing, here is an interview before the race - seldom have I seen such a non-happy, non-smiling Andy: watch it, and tell me what you think.
There have been some comments lately to suggest that Andy is off form, past his best, a no-hoper for the Tour, etc etc. Well, *shrugs shoulders and makes pfff! noise with Gallic gesture* that might be the case, I'm not a DS and I'm not privy to his training schedule - although in the video, he does say that he has done more training this year than ever before, which can only be a good thing.
If I had to take a guess, I'd say that being bounced into three teams over three seasons can't be good for the soul, nor good for the rhythm.
I also believe that luck comes into it: not in the doom and gloom sense of "oh dear we're having bad luck this year" being a self-fulfilling prophecy, but in the sense of "we've had some bad luck this year: it's not down to lack of preparation, poor form, inadequate training or bad bike-handling skills - it's just bad luck."
So we'll have to see how things pan out tomorrow, at the Amstel Gold. Velonation point out that it's a long way to the Tour, but they do admit that the Schlecks are not showing their 2011 form yet. Nice to see a news report that says that they are not in good form, without making rude remarks about it! Some of the forums, and especially Twitter, are on a real Andy-hate-fest at the moment.
I asked LLB why there should be so much hate of Andy, in particular: he commented that it's often disillusioned "fans" who thought he was good, got all keen about him, then took it personally if he "let them down" by not winning. Or by not attacking, or by not finishing a race, er hem. Something to do with these people feeling that they've been made to look foolish in some way - some imaginary way.
It is also a fact, much lamented by me, that if you go back a year and read the comments, many of those fangirls have moved on. (Although I do know that some of them do still read the blog, they just don't feel moved to comment, which is fine *waves to Armchair Schlecklanders* as long as they still enjoy reading about cycling and, occasionally, about OGL) I guess people can "grow out of" following particular athletes.
Oh well!
Just to give more joy to the cycling world, Tony Martin - the "Dripping Cod" as he is known - former lead-out man for Mark Cavendish, has been knocked off his bike while out training, resulting in some serious injuries. He was on a cycle lane as well, which makes it all the more annoying, and some woman driver drove across it, knocked him out, broke his eye-socket, jaw and cheekbone, and he has now been found to have hairline fractures in his shoulderblade and upper arm as well. Ouch.
And as for the Amstel Gold, riders are already dropping like flies, according to this report from Velonation: the worst news in this collection is that Johnny "Barbed Wire" Hoogerland might be out, he has a sore throat and is not sure if he'll be ready to ride.
So, fingers crossed, everyone, that both Schlecks manage to start, finish, and get a place in the race tomorrow!
Thursday 12 April 2012
Paris-Roubaix
Eurosport are pulling a devious trick on us UK viewers: they are giving us less coverage on "normal" Eurosport, and much greater coverage on Eurosport HD, which is the High Definition channel. Reputedly, the picture is much better on HD, especially for viewing sports, for when things move quickly through the frame. But you have to buy the channel, and you also have to buy a special HD-enabled TV.
Pfff!
As we don't have an HD television (I say "we" but I mean LLB, of course!) we won't be paying out for the HD channel, so we have to accept the lesser coverage, while grinding our teeth and making rude remarks about the bosses at Eurosport.
The only good thing is that while we are waiting for the race coverage to start on normal Eurosport, we are watching Track cycling. More of that some other time....
Eventually, after listening to our commentators saying, for the last hour, that coverage has already started on the HD channel (grrr grrr grind grind) we get coverage, yay!
"Welcome to our Eurosport viewers in the UK who are too stingy to cough up for the HD channel and an HD tv: you join us with 76kms to go, and I'm afraid you have missed all the carnage on the Arenberg. Oooh, yes, terrible it was, carnage, bodies in all directions, huge split in the peloton, but we won't tell you who was involved in order to teach you a lesson - yes, go out and buy HD!! Go on, we've spent lots of money making this technology, now we need you to pay for it."
OK I might be exaggerating slightly.
This time, I am not going to pick a favourite, bearing in mind what happened last time I did so. I nearly choose Bram Tankink, but I don't want him to break a collarbone. Sadly, not a single Schleck in the race, and of course, no Fabian.
Our commentators today are David Harmon and Sean Kelly, and DH gets things off to a tactful start by telling us that there is a break of 8 or so riders, being chased by a small group of "significant riders" including Juan Antonio "mind that car! aargh!" Flecha from Sky, Ballan from BMC and Bram Tankink. (Hey! I nearly picked him as my favourite!) Oh, hang on, that means that the break must be made up of insignificant riders, is that what you meant, Mr Harmon? There had better not be any Leopards in that break, mister, or I will be round to sort you out! *rolls up sleeves in manner of fearsome housekeeper, matron, or school mistress*
We are not told who these "insignificant" riders are, but we do get a nice shot of Stuey in his smart GreenEdge kit, along with the comment that he appears to be really enjoying riding his own race, after all those years as a domestique. He is a previous winner of this race, actually, and DH thinks that he is enjoying being team leader.
Ouch! Thor Hushovd is down, he bunny-hopped some road furniture then came a cropper on the descent, we think there might have been oil on the road.
"Probably oil on the road," says Sean Kelly.
Lovely, now we get a close-up of Thor back on his bike, and we can see bare skin through the hole in his shorts. LLB and I have a short discussion at this point, to the effect that we can never recognise Thor these days, in BMC kit. What is it about their kit that makes all their riders look the same?
Thor used to be easily recognisable in the peloton, whether in normal kit or with Worlds hoops: but this year, I just can't spot him.
I don't think he's lost weight - I just think the BMC kit breaks up the outlines, somehow.
Perhaps it's a variation on the military DPM, or what we call "camouflage" pattern, executed in red and black in case they need to hide in a flock of ladybirds?
PS Who's the rugged individualist in the different coloured helmet, different shoes, and different socks? Nope, can't tell.
In case you're wondering, I have a special soft spot for Thor, after nearly knocking him off his bike in London last year......
At 50kms to go, Boonen is showing off at the front, alone. David thinks he's made a mistake in going so early: Sean says he has to continue, but only if he can pull out some time. There's no point dangling 10 seconds off the front of the peloton for 50kms - if he can't make a bigger gap, he should sit up. So says Sean. Several times.
At this point a chance comment on Twitter reveals a secret that LLB and I have suspected for some time: the commentary is about 3 seconds ahead of the pictures that we are getting. David and Sean are commenting on the live feed, it seems, whereas we are watching the broadcast pictures. No wonder they seem to have the gift of prophecy, and no wonder they can name the riders before we can!
Boonen is still out there, plugging away, and he looks very strong: inevitably, our commentators keep comparing him to Fabian, but amusingly, they keep saying "..but Fabian is something special" which must be making all the Boonen fans grit their teeth and/or throw things at the television.
As an aside, speaking as a Schlecklander, it's sometimes a little disconcerting to think that pretty much every rider must have his own band of loyal equivalents, who grumble if he doesn't get coverage. And when OGL floats past some struggling squares-pedaller, their fangirls must be making voodoo dolls of Andy, and cursing him up and down the hill.... strange world, isn't it? Sorry, where was I?
Aha! Johan Van Summeren is leading a chase group! Oddly enough, no-one is particularly marking him, but he won it last year! I suppose *pulls resigned face* that's because everyone knows he doesn't stand a chance of winning it again.... but at least he had that moment of glory. *sigh*
39kms to go, Boonen is still out there, it's so exciting ("not") that we take a break to get hot drinks and a bowl of small cheesy biscuits. I wonder if Boonen is getting a bit big-headed and is possibly believing his own hype - I mean, a lone break from 50km? Ah, but remember Andy's heroic 67km solo effort last year...
Boonen is squirming on his saddle, and looks really uncomfortable. Possibly he's still suffering the after-affects of wearing out that hole in the skin of his, er, *looks around guiltily- sorry Schlecklanders* underneath/nether region? Or, more likely, he wants a pee. He's been fiddling with his shorts as well. I think he definitely wants a pee. But of course he can't possibly stop, or even ease off, at this point. Oh well, he'll just have to do it in his shorts then. What? Don't look so shocked, they do it all the time. Go on, look it up on google: it's accepted practice that if you have to go, and you can't stop, you have to just wet your shorts. They normally pour some bidon water over themselves to avoid chafing, apparently, so watch closely to see how much water he gets through.
Sky are now on the front of the chasing group, drilling it, and the gap is dropping... but not for long.
Now we get some slo-mo footage of the Omega car, with Boonen's DS talking to him, quite vehemently, out of the window. "Look, if you have to pee, just let it go: you can't stop now. Go on, just let it go. Go on, no-one's watching. Hey, wait until I close the window, would you?"
We go across another cobbled section - yuk, they really are horrible, aren't they? Dust, dirt, lumps and bumps, punctures, shaking shoulders: I wonder if possibly it's an advantage to be out there alone, bearing in mind that you wouldn't get much benefit from drafting on a slow, lumpy cobbled section. If you are alone, you can pick your line, you can keep your eyes on the surface without the distraction of other riders, you can avoid the stupid spectators, and you don't get a faceful of dirt from the guy in front.
Aha, more screen time for JVS: well he did win it last year. All the SummerenLand-ers must be screaming at their tvs, and will probably exchange indignant comments afterwards about how little footage he received.
(At this point, I was going to do a mock post from the SummerenLand blog, but have decided not to. He is, after all, an honorary Schlecklander. Although for some reason, he does appear to have stopped that habit of tucking up his sleeves. Maybe someone had a word? Maybe he read a translation of this blog?)
The break are still chasing, and it appears as though the other teams all want to go faster, but none of them are prepared to take over from Sky. Sean discusses this tactic at length. LLB and I continue our low-level biscuit-war. However, we started with a big bowl-ful, and we're both losing interest in them. We're also losing interest in the race - Sky are doing all the work, and we don't quite know why. Boonen is plugging away off the front, and somehow it's just not very exciting.
JVS is leading the chase group again, and I am secretly hoping that he will go off the front again, just to get everyone screaming, especially the SummerenLanders. Lo! Here he is, leading a reduced chasing group with 23kms to go. Screams of joy from the SummerenLanders.
Now we're at 18kms to go, and the commentators are burbling on about Boonen's fantastic ride, great attack, well ridden, "everyone else is riding for second spot" (pfffff *rolls eyes*), etc, but LLB and I think that he is looking tired. And yes, he is getting through a lot of water, so I think he's peed in his pants.
In case you are wondering, there has been not a single mention of RadioShack today, not one.
Well, Boonen won it, yawn, I can't get excited about it - I don't really like him. Possibly I am influenced by his past cocaine exploits: I am soooo not interested in people who use drugs, recreational or PED. David Harmon at this point makes a remark about how Boonen has "enjoyed his Monaco lifestyle" but is now moving back to Belgium. Aha, a little dig at the cocaine habit, we think.
It seemed very odd to see a road race end in a lap of a velodrome, having just been watching hour upon hour (well, it seems like hours) of Track racing at the Worlds. *waves to Leelu* how about that Anna Mears? She has Cavendish's legs, and a smile wide enough to light up the entire velodrome - you go, girl!
JVS gets 9th position, yay! Sky have men at 4th and 8th, and - can you believe it - SaxoBank actually get someone in the top 10!! Amazing! They're still bottom of the league, but now they have 32 points. So much better than just 2. *patronisingly*.
JVS, by the way, sits 58th in the UCI individual rankings now, so well done him!
Well, that's the Hell of the North over and done with, bit of an anti-climax really. Sorry to all those Boonen fans out there (you do know that he does cocaine, right?) but I'm not thrilled with the race, or the result, and it just shows what a difference it makes not having Fabian to contest the win. Or, to be fair, perhaps I should say "not having anyone to contest the win." Andy's heroic 67km ride was nail-biting all the way, as the chasers slowly caught him, but this race was just dull - the chasers clearly gave up all hope of catching him, and just - as Harmon said - rode for second place.
OK, moving on: next race for us to watch is Amstel Gold next weekend, so here's hoping that's a bit more exciting: we have Gilbert and Cadel Evans from BMC (hope we can tell the difference between them - anyone know if Gilbert will be wearing his Belgium kit?); JVS and Little Fab from Garmin; Paolini, Dark Lord of Katusha; Nibali and Sagan from Liquigas; Boonen again (yawn); Bram Tankink from Rabobank; several Sorensens from SaxoBank; Johnny Hoogerland from Vacansoleil; and our own squad of:
141 Jan Bakelants
142 Laurent Didier
143 Ben Hermans
144 Chris Horner
145 Maxime Monfort
146 Joost Posthuma
147 Andy Schleck
148 Frankie Schleck
So go, Andy, go Frankie, go Schack! Try to get some screen time, guys!
Oh, and an interesting quartet from Lotto-Belisol (sorry, that still sounds like a haemorrhoid ointment): out of eight riders, four of them are Jurgen Van De Walle, Jurgen Van Den Broek, Dennis Vanendert, and Jelle Vanendert. I don't envy the commentators, if that lot start being active in the race!
Pfff!
As we don't have an HD television (I say "we" but I mean LLB, of course!) we won't be paying out for the HD channel, so we have to accept the lesser coverage, while grinding our teeth and making rude remarks about the bosses at Eurosport.
The only good thing is that while we are waiting for the race coverage to start on normal Eurosport, we are watching Track cycling. More of that some other time....
Eventually, after listening to our commentators saying, for the last hour, that coverage has already started on the HD channel (grrr grrr grind grind) we get coverage, yay!
"Welcome to our Eurosport viewers in the UK who are too stingy to cough up for the HD channel and an HD tv: you join us with 76kms to go, and I'm afraid you have missed all the carnage on the Arenberg. Oooh, yes, terrible it was, carnage, bodies in all directions, huge split in the peloton, but we won't tell you who was involved in order to teach you a lesson - yes, go out and buy HD!! Go on, we've spent lots of money making this technology, now we need you to pay for it."
OK I might be exaggerating slightly.
This time, I am not going to pick a favourite, bearing in mind what happened last time I did so. I nearly choose Bram Tankink, but I don't want him to break a collarbone. Sadly, not a single Schleck in the race, and of course, no Fabian.
Our commentators today are David Harmon and Sean Kelly, and DH gets things off to a tactful start by telling us that there is a break of 8 or so riders, being chased by a small group of "significant riders" including Juan Antonio "mind that car! aargh!" Flecha from Sky, Ballan from BMC and Bram Tankink. (Hey! I nearly picked him as my favourite!) Oh, hang on, that means that the break must be made up of insignificant riders, is that what you meant, Mr Harmon? There had better not be any Leopards in that break, mister, or I will be round to sort you out! *rolls up sleeves in manner of fearsome housekeeper, matron, or school mistress*
We are not told who these "insignificant" riders are, but we do get a nice shot of Stuey in his smart GreenEdge kit, along with the comment that he appears to be really enjoying riding his own race, after all those years as a domestique. He is a previous winner of this race, actually, and DH thinks that he is enjoying being team leader.
Ouch! Thor Hushovd is down, he bunny-hopped some road furniture then came a cropper on the descent, we think there might have been oil on the road.
"Probably oil on the road," says Sean Kelly.
Lovely, now we get a close-up of Thor back on his bike, and we can see bare skin through the hole in his shorts. LLB and I have a short discussion at this point, to the effect that we can never recognise Thor these days, in BMC kit. What is it about their kit that makes all their riders look the same?
Thor used to be easily recognisable in the peloton, whether in normal kit or with Worlds hoops: but this year, I just can't spot him.
I don't think he's lost weight - I just think the BMC kit breaks up the outlines, somehow.
Perhaps it's a variation on the military DPM, or what we call "camouflage" pattern, executed in red and black in case they need to hide in a flock of ladybirds?
PS Who's the rugged individualist in the different coloured helmet, different shoes, and different socks? Nope, can't tell.
In case you're wondering, I have a special soft spot for Thor, after nearly knocking him off his bike in London last year......
At 50kms to go, Boonen is showing off at the front, alone. David thinks he's made a mistake in going so early: Sean says he has to continue, but only if he can pull out some time. There's no point dangling 10 seconds off the front of the peloton for 50kms - if he can't make a bigger gap, he should sit up. So says Sean. Several times.
At this point a chance comment on Twitter reveals a secret that LLB and I have suspected for some time: the commentary is about 3 seconds ahead of the pictures that we are getting. David and Sean are commenting on the live feed, it seems, whereas we are watching the broadcast pictures. No wonder they seem to have the gift of prophecy, and no wonder they can name the riders before we can!
Boonen is still out there, plugging away, and he looks very strong: inevitably, our commentators keep comparing him to Fabian, but amusingly, they keep saying "..but Fabian is something special" which must be making all the Boonen fans grit their teeth and/or throw things at the television.
As an aside, speaking as a Schlecklander, it's sometimes a little disconcerting to think that pretty much every rider must have his own band of loyal equivalents, who grumble if he doesn't get coverage. And when OGL floats past some struggling squares-pedaller, their fangirls must be making voodoo dolls of Andy, and cursing him up and down the hill.... strange world, isn't it? Sorry, where was I?
Aha! Johan Van Summeren is leading a chase group! Oddly enough, no-one is particularly marking him, but he won it last year! I suppose *pulls resigned face* that's because everyone knows he doesn't stand a chance of winning it again.... but at least he had that moment of glory. *sigh*
39kms to go, Boonen is still out there, it's so exciting ("not") that we take a break to get hot drinks and a bowl of small cheesy biscuits. I wonder if Boonen is getting a bit big-headed and is possibly believing his own hype - I mean, a lone break from 50km? Ah, but remember Andy's heroic 67km solo effort last year...
Boonen is squirming on his saddle, and looks really uncomfortable. Possibly he's still suffering the after-affects of wearing out that hole in the skin of his, er, *looks around guiltily- sorry Schlecklanders* underneath/nether region? Or, more likely, he wants a pee. He's been fiddling with his shorts as well. I think he definitely wants a pee. But of course he can't possibly stop, or even ease off, at this point. Oh well, he'll just have to do it in his shorts then. What? Don't look so shocked, they do it all the time. Go on, look it up on google: it's accepted practice that if you have to go, and you can't stop, you have to just wet your shorts. They normally pour some bidon water over themselves to avoid chafing, apparently, so watch closely to see how much water he gets through.
Sky are now on the front of the chasing group, drilling it, and the gap is dropping... but not for long.
Now we get some slo-mo footage of the Omega car, with Boonen's DS talking to him, quite vehemently, out of the window. "Look, if you have to pee, just let it go: you can't stop now. Go on, just let it go. Go on, no-one's watching. Hey, wait until I close the window, would you?"
We go across another cobbled section - yuk, they really are horrible, aren't they? Dust, dirt, lumps and bumps, punctures, shaking shoulders: I wonder if possibly it's an advantage to be out there alone, bearing in mind that you wouldn't get much benefit from drafting on a slow, lumpy cobbled section. If you are alone, you can pick your line, you can keep your eyes on the surface without the distraction of other riders, you can avoid the stupid spectators, and you don't get a faceful of dirt from the guy in front.
Aha, more screen time for JVS: well he did win it last year. All the SummerenLand-ers must be screaming at their tvs, and will probably exchange indignant comments afterwards about how little footage he received.
(At this point, I was going to do a mock post from the SummerenLand blog, but have decided not to. He is, after all, an honorary Schlecklander. Although for some reason, he does appear to have stopped that habit of tucking up his sleeves. Maybe someone had a word? Maybe he read a translation of this blog?)
The break are still chasing, and it appears as though the other teams all want to go faster, but none of them are prepared to take over from Sky. Sean discusses this tactic at length. LLB and I continue our low-level biscuit-war. However, we started with a big bowl-ful, and we're both losing interest in them. We're also losing interest in the race - Sky are doing all the work, and we don't quite know why. Boonen is plugging away off the front, and somehow it's just not very exciting.
JVS is leading the chase group again, and I am secretly hoping that he will go off the front again, just to get everyone screaming, especially the SummerenLanders. Lo! Here he is, leading a reduced chasing group with 23kms to go. Screams of joy from the SummerenLanders.
Now we're at 18kms to go, and the commentators are burbling on about Boonen's fantastic ride, great attack, well ridden, "everyone else is riding for second spot" (pfffff *rolls eyes*), etc, but LLB and I think that he is looking tired. And yes, he is getting through a lot of water, so I think he's peed in his pants.
In case you are wondering, there has been not a single mention of RadioShack today, not one.
Well, Boonen won it, yawn, I can't get excited about it - I don't really like him. Possibly I am influenced by his past cocaine exploits: I am soooo not interested in people who use drugs, recreational or PED. David Harmon at this point makes a remark about how Boonen has "enjoyed his Monaco lifestyle" but is now moving back to Belgium. Aha, a little dig at the cocaine habit, we think.
It seemed very odd to see a road race end in a lap of a velodrome, having just been watching hour upon hour (well, it seems like hours) of Track racing at the Worlds. *waves to Leelu* how about that Anna Mears? She has Cavendish's legs, and a smile wide enough to light up the entire velodrome - you go, girl!
JVS gets 9th position, yay! Sky have men at 4th and 8th, and - can you believe it - SaxoBank actually get someone in the top 10!! Amazing! They're still bottom of the league, but now they have 32 points. So much better than just 2. *patronisingly*.
JVS, by the way, sits 58th in the UCI individual rankings now, so well done him!
Well, that's the Hell of the North over and done with, bit of an anti-climax really. Sorry to all those Boonen fans out there (you do know that he does cocaine, right?) but I'm not thrilled with the race, or the result, and it just shows what a difference it makes not having Fabian to contest the win. Or, to be fair, perhaps I should say "not having anyone to contest the win." Andy's heroic 67km ride was nail-biting all the way, as the chasers slowly caught him, but this race was just dull - the chasers clearly gave up all hope of catching him, and just - as Harmon said - rode for second place.
OK, moving on: next race for us to watch is Amstel Gold next weekend, so here's hoping that's a bit more exciting: we have Gilbert and Cadel Evans from BMC (hope we can tell the difference between them - anyone know if Gilbert will be wearing his Belgium kit?); JVS and Little Fab from Garmin; Paolini, Dark Lord of Katusha; Nibali and Sagan from Liquigas; Boonen again (yawn); Bram Tankink from Rabobank; several Sorensens from SaxoBank; Johnny Hoogerland from Vacansoleil; and our own squad of:
141 Jan Bakelants
142 Laurent Didier
143 Ben Hermans
144 Chris Horner
145 Maxime Monfort
146 Joost Posthuma
147 Andy Schleck
148 Frankie Schleck
So go, Andy, go Frankie, go Schack! Try to get some screen time, guys!
Oh, and an interesting quartet from Lotto-Belisol (sorry, that still sounds like a haemorrhoid ointment): out of eight riders, four of them are Jurgen Van De Walle, Jurgen Van Den Broek, Dennis Vanendert, and Jelle Vanendert. I don't envy the commentators, if that lot start being active in the race!
Thursday 5 April 2012
Poor Saxobank - one blow after another!
There was some good news last month, Jonathan Cantwell won a stage at the Tour of Taiwan. The less good news is that it's not a UCI points race (so why are they there? who knows, training, presumably), and the even less good news is that Saxo were the only pro-team in it, so they darn well ought to be up there at the front, shouldn't they?
However, leaving that aside, the really bad news is that in the Scheldeprijs yesterday, Cantwell slid over on the wet roads just past the finish line, and punctured a lung - poor boy, what dreadful luck, actually crashing once you have passed the finish line!
If Bjarne had any hair, I bet he'd be pulling it out by now.
The better news for RadioShack is that they are sitting at 12th, 13th, 15th, 33rd, 34th, 38th, 72nd and 85th in the individual rankings, which may not sound that grand, but puts them at 5th in the team rankings, so well done lads! The message is getting through: it's better to get three guys in the top 10 than to get just one in the top five....
Meanwhile, the invisible Circuit Cycliste Sarthe continues, unwatched by me (*sobs theatrically, back of hand to fevered brow) but I must say, I think their choice of Podium Girl is a bit odd. Podium Pig. Is it me, or is there something obscene about putting a fuzzy pig into a chef's outfit, when we pretty much just eat pigs? I mean, cows we eat, but we also keep them just for their milk, leading long and happy lives out in lovely green fields. But pigs? We eat them. Pork, bacon, gammon, ham, sausages you name it, we eat it. Their sole reason for existing and being bred, is to be eaten by us. Not to stand on podiums wearing, of all bizarre things, a chef's outfit.
On a happier note, ooh! ooh! it's Andy!
Here he is again, clearly eyeing up that Podium Pig and thinking of Frankie, and the "duuuurdy meat, greeeeeasy meat" of the barbecue.
Aw look, it's his favourite discipline, the TT. Never mind pet *sends big virtual hug to skinny cyclist in Luxembourg* (no, not Laurent Didier, you fools, Andypants!) you're still improving, no-one can be perfect at everything, and I'd rather see you still being a great climber, than being good at TT, which is arguably one of the dullest part of road racing anyway. So there.
So now we wait impatiently for Sunday, for it is Paris-Roubaix, yay! Alas, no Fabian, but it should still be a fascinating and terrifying race, full of crashes and punctures. As of right this minute, RadioShack have not put up their squad on their website, so presumably they are still juggling places to take into account the lack of Fab.
But we all remember what happened last year - Johan Van Summeren and his amazing, lucky, well-ridden solo victory, leading to high romance and a proposal in the finishing arena - d'aaaaw!
Wednesday 4 April 2012
SaxoBank keep their pro licence!
I'm pleased for Bjarne and for cycling in general: I don't particularly care for Mr Riis, but I do think that he has had more than his fair share of bad luck in the last two years, and I really don't think that pro cycling needed the shake-up of losing a pro-team and either being one team short for the rest of the year, or of hurriedly promoting a different team, with all the problems that would entail.
Far better to leave things as they are this year, and to sensibly say that as his licence expires at the end of this year anyway, he will have to start again as from 2013.
Hopefully by then he will have decided whether Conti is coming back: if he goes elsewhere, will his lieutenants go also: can Bjarne buy in enough riders to get some points: will Jakob go back to him: will his sponsor stay with him: these, and many other questions, will hopefully be answered.
In the meantime, other cycling news: Cav's girlfriend has had their baby, so congratulations to the proud parents, and welcome to Delilah.
*shudders at slightly bionic looking support item*
Andy has done his bit in the invisible Sarthe race (well, invisible to me at any rate - no tv coverage, can't find a feed either, boo) apparently it was the TT today, and apparently he came in "well behind the leaders" in 8mins 45". Hang on, Dave Zabriskie did in 8mins 39", and he's really, really good at TT!
So it doesn't sound like complete disaster... unfortunately, as I write, the full results aren't out yet. Nor are the photos. But I did find these photos earlier, and I'm happy to share them, in case you hadn't seen them:
Firstly: who said cyclists were weedy little lads who didn't need to shave [their chins, ha ha!] yet?
Here's a familiar profile, getting the job done:
And captions for this one might include "Which RadioShack rider did not use enough deodorant today?" (Only joking!)
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Fabian, Flanders and Flippin' Heck!
Oh, poor Fabian!
First, last and during this report, we have to send our very best wishes to Fabu, who took a bad tumble at the feed zone and broke his collarbone in four places. He's been flown back to Switzerland for operations and recuperation, and I am sure I speak for all of us when I say that Paris-Roubaix just won't be the same without him this year.
Very best wishes, Fabian, for a speedy recovery - apparently he could be back on the turbo trainer in a day or two, but he won't be racing for six weeks: according to Dirk, the DS, he won't be racing until the end of May. Take it easy, Fabu, we want you well healed.
So, is it worth saying anything else about the race? Yes, of course it is. Ironically, when LLB and I were discussing the race the night before, over a candle-lit dinner, we had pretty much decided that Fabian and Boonen were quite likely to cancel each other out, and that the race would probably be won by someone "we've never heard of", we said.
"Svein Tuft!" we cried, simultaneously. Not exactly someone we've never heard of, but he is an honorary Schlecklander, after all. I made the radical decision that it would not be Svein, but would be whoever was wearing number three in GreenEdge that would win. Don't ask why, it was purely a whim. GreenEdge's number three was Sebastian Langeveld, and he fitted my criteria in that I'd barely heard of him. All I knew was that he came from Rabobank.
So, race coverage starts, we were watching it "delayed", which means that it was showing live on TV, and we were recording it, then watching it about 15 minutes later. We do this so that we can pause, and rewind if we want to re-watch bits: it also means that we can skip forward through the adverts, until such time as we catch up with the live footage again. David Harmon was commentating again, along with Brian Smith and his impenetrable accent, and we came in with 140km to go, with Argos Shimano in the break.
David H was very happy that they are no longer Project ITV4 or whatever it was (thank you, Leelu, I do know what it was really, but it's such a clumsy name that it's much funnier to just refer to them as ITV4 as that's what it looks like), as he never enjoyed referring to them as The Project. Their kit doesn't seem to be changed very much, it's still mostly white with some light green, and it's still nice.
He made a reference to the Argos part not being the UK chain of shops, but being Argos Oil: for all non-UK viewers, "Argos" is a chain of cheap warehouse-type shops who are desperately trying to improve their image, and who recently had a series of adverts featuring a pretentious rock star and his over-stressed assistant, who buys him stuff cheaply but pretends it comes from an exclusive shop pronounced Arr-GOOSE. I'm afraid that Argos Shimano are likely to be ArrGOOSE to us, for some time.. but it's still a nice kit.
There's not much going on in the race, and David Harmon is gossipping: he is telling us that he met up with Roger Hammond earlier (who was in the area, training) who had expressed the opinion that many riders would not finish the ride today. Who is Roger Hammond? He's an English rider who, up to last year, was with Cervelo Test Team/Garmin Cervelo, but his contract wasn't renewed and he found himself without a team this year, so he's riding at a lower level now: but I used to like him, as he was one rider who was extremely easy to pick out in a peloton, as he rode so very low to his bike. I used to refer to him *looks over shoulder to make sure no-one is listening* as The Dwarf, as he appeared to be a whole size smaller than everyone else. He's actually 5'9" - just exactly the same as Stuey. When you don't know many riders by their style, it's nice to have one that you really can spot at 50 paces, so I'd made him an honorary Schlecklander some time ago. It's a pity that he's not racing pro-team any more.
Our commentators get back onto the subject of the race, and agree that Sebastian Langeveld is "in terrific form". Yay! He's my pick to win it!
We get to hear that the course has been changed significantly this year, to make it more spectator-friendly by concentrating the end of the course in a small area, crossing and looping, and doing the final loop no less than three times. Brian is dubious about whether this will make a better race, but does agree that it's easier for spectators if they can stay more or less in one area, yet can see the race several times.
Speaking as a spectator, I have to agree: and my attendance at the Tour of Britain this year will depend on which stages have loops in them. Talking of which, Inge, how are your flags coming along? I can't wait to see photos of them! Do let me know how you are getting on.
(No, I'm not expecting Inge at the ToB, but she's making a flag to wave, and I'd like to see how it comes out, so that we can look for her in the coverage.)
At 134k to go, it's already getting exciting - punctures, crashes, you name it - and BriSmithy says that this is "consistent with this sort of race". Nothing to worry about, then. The roads are ludicrously narrow, such that they can't get the cars up them: there are staff members all along the route holding out water bottles, and occasionally wheels (leading to cries of "Oh noes! It's Barredo!" from time to time) (remember that famous "fight" betweentwo little girls Barredo and Costa in the TdF where they flapped wrists like complete girlies men who don't normally have to fight, and Barredo tried to hit Costa over the head with his wheel. Hilarious. OK, bad for the sport, and they both deserved to be thrown off the Tour, not merely fined 400 Swiss francs each. But still hilarious.).
In these narrow roads, where the cars can't be close at hand, a domestique will be expected to give a wheel or a bike to his team leader if necessary; the domestique then has to wait until the cars can catch up with him to offer service. We see this quite a few times, and you do have to feel sorry for the poor domestique, left in the middle of nowhere having to watch everybody else cycle past.....
At 127km to go, things are warming up, literally, and an Euskaltel riders peels off his gilet and, cost-conscious as always, stuffs it into his back pocket. I have never yet seen an Euskaltel rider throw away rain capes, gilets, gloves, or anything else. Not sure about the bidons: perhaps we can all pay particular attention to see if the Carrots give them back to the cars, or discard them. (Bit of a sore point, considering what happened to Fabian, sorry!)
Cheers on the sofa, JVS (honorary Schlecklander) is at the front, as is Svein Tuft, another honorary Schlecklander. So nice to see my "pets" in action.
For no apparent reason, Europcar appear at the front of the peloton and push on, stringing it all out. This turns out to be a very good thing, as an extremely sharp bend approaches, which otherwise could have caused yet more tumbles. LLB reminds me that in an earlier race, David Harmon was criticising Europcar, saying that they are "never seen doing any work". Hah, wrong again, Harmon!
At 120km to go, Cancellera is at the back, having punctured, but he has Popovitch with him, and they are making their way back to the bunch very swiftly. Over a candle-lit dinner a few weeks ago, LLB and I were discussing whether or not RadioShack were gelling as a team yet: and we thought that they were not. So far this year, I haven't seen much evidence of what I call groupage, where you get a bunch of squad members riding together. Other than when pulling on the front, of course. It seemed to me that we used to see good groupage of Leopards, but not so much this year. Is it a lack of team cohesion? Is it due to individual riders being on/off form on the day? Is it a cunning plan to prevent the loss of the whole team if there is a big crash? We don't know...
However, this time it's working better, Fabian has a strong rider with him, all is well. In fact, they get back so quickly that they arrive at the back just as the entire peloton has ground to a halt due to a narrowing of the road. Fabian, cool as cucumber, hops off his bike, fiddles with his back brake, spins the wheel, fiddles again, spins it again, nods in satisfaction and hops back on his bike just as the backlog starts to clear. Beautifully done, Fabu!
We are expecting our coverage to end at any second now: for some unknown reason, Eurosport have split the coverage of the race in two. Does that mean the second half won't be live? Or will we miss me a bit? We don't know, so to cover our confusion, LLB suggests hot drinks and a bowl of cheesy biscuits.
The race settles down, as we settle down for biscuit-wars on the sofa. Sky are in a bunch near the front and looking good.
The commentators are talking about the possibility that the two favourites - Boonen and Fab, obviously - will cancel each other out, leading to an unexpected winner. Pff! LLB and I have been saying that for days! David H reminds us that the last time this happened, it was Paris-Roubaix and Johan Van Summeren was the unexpected winner. At that very moment, JVS joins the chasing group! I jump up and down excitedly, and LLB takes the opportunity to steal an extra handful of cheesy biscuits.
With 88km to go, we watch in horror as the Euskaltel car tries to squeeze past the peloton. This is insane! The road is narrow, with tons of street furniture, the peloton are strung out across the road, and the car is threatening cyclists and pedestrians in equal numbers. More by luck than judgement, the car makes it through the peloton without killing anyone. We sigh with relief. Too soon! Now the NetApp car is trying to do the same thing. The helicopter shots are terrifying, they show how narrowly the car is missing pedestrians, and some of the cyclists are now shaking their fists at the car. Our commentators are fuming, and are saying that this really can't be allowed.
Cancellara and a bunch of Leopards are safely at the back of the bunch: this is one time when I am glad to see them all at the back, and not at the front with the insane cars.
Suddenly we're watching slo-mo: why? Oh, so we can see yet another team car - SaxoBlank this time - again trying to squeeze past the peloton, and barely missing the cyclists as the car swoops back onto the road, just missing some street furniture.
Inexplicably, we are watching car racing.
We fast forward.
Aha! Back to cycling, 53kms to go, and OMG! Fabian's down and out, in the feed zone - shades of E3. The commentators are being told that his collarbone is broken, so he's out of the race, and as at least three of the squad stayed with him - well done, team - they are presumably out of the race as well, as it took quite some time to get everything sorted out.
Our commentators bravely continue - well, they have to, it's their job - with a discussion about Sky's helmets. I had already noticed, several races ago, that some of them appear not to have holes in the top/front (I didn't think you'd be interested in a diversion about helmet styles, so I didn't bother mentioning it here) and indeed this is the case. No-one seems to know why. Presumably there's a good reason for it? To stop the riders putting their shades on top of the hat, upside down? Or something more aerodynamic?
We're into the final 50kms now, and the racing is really starting. Gilbert, despite his dental problems, is at the front and making a big push. Popovitch is suddenly spotted up in the chasing group - he could be our only hope for this race, as the chasers catch up with the leading group.
More heart-attacks: helicopter shots of the peloton picking up speed through the streets, building up in preparation for attacking the hill again: some of the riders are bunny-hopping off the road and onto the cycle path in order to get around the slower riders. Aaargh! A pedestrian realises that he has a peloton bearing down on him at race speed, panics, and tries to run across the cycle path to the safety of the footpath. He succeeds only in tripping up a GreenEdge rider, who does a complete somersault and flop landing, with one tyre breaking loose from his bike and rolling around the road all by itself. Needless to say, the pedestrian is unharmed..... but the bike is broken, and it looks as though the rider is, too.
Yes, collarbone gone. OMG! It's Langeveld! Dreadful luck for GreenEdge, and there goes my prediction for the race winner.
Glumly, I reach for the cheesy biscuits. What's this? None left? No, it's LLB with his hand sneakily covering the bowl in order to fool me into thinking they are all gone. I give him a Look, and take a handful anyway.
Well, what a race this is turning out to be. For some light relief, we have FdJ with two riders making a push off the front: two other team members are at the front of the peloton, pretending to pull it along, but riding quite slowly. "They're not pulling very hard" says BriSmithy. Of course not, they are slowing down the bunch in order to let their guys get away! But our hero, Honorary Schlecklander JVS comes to the front, says "I'm not having any of that!" and steams past them.
Of course, he leads the peloton up to the two FdJ riders in no time at all, and one of them blows kisses at the camera bike as he is caught back into the group.
Incidentally, next time you're watching a cobbled classic, watch the way in which the riders' arms bounce and shiver as they go over the cobbles. I can barely imagine how tiring, draining and downright painful that must be...
Paolini, one of the Dark Lords of Katusha, leaps off the front, taking Flecha with him ("Go, Flecha!") and a Europcar rider. Next minute, the chasing group round a sharp corner and JVS flops into the barrier. Huh?
Here's a video of it: he's on the far right of the group, and it happens barely 10 seconds into the clip. As it turns out, he got off lightly: on the left, there was a major tumble and about half the pack came down.
Oof! Mind you, it didn't stop him - he came in 49th, which is perfectly credible.
Amazingly, we get to just 18km to go, and we have a pack of nearly 50 riders. I spot three RadioShack riders in the pack, well done boys, to continue without a leader.
Pozzato, Ballan and Boonen (the eventual podium set) storm off up the hill, and Tony Gallopin is there with them! Good boy! (LLB takes advantage of my distraction to steal a few more cheesy biscuits. I let him get away with it. It is his TV, after all) Sadly, Paolini, Dark Lord of Katusha, goes again, and Tony G can't stay with him. At least the three remaining RadioShack riders are all together - perhaps they are getting the hang of groupage? Oh hang on, they are all former Shack boys. Hmmmm.
Anyway, 13kms to go, over the top, and disaster, Gallopin punctures. Rast and Roulston continue. BriSmithy said later that if he hadn't punctured, the end would have been very different, so that is a real shame.
As we all know, the race ends with Tom Boonen winning it from Pozzato - and it's interesting, I think, that there is a graphic almost immediately after the one showing the finishing top ten, which shows the top of the UCI rider ranking. Tom Boonen, of course, leaps to the top of it now, so well done him: but it's interesting that the UCI are pushing this graphic at every opportunity.
As I have been saying for a year now, this is going to mean different riding styles: it's more important to get three guys in the top 10 of a UCI race, than to get one guy to win it!
One final pic, before we finish with kind thoughts for poor old Fabian: there's an interview with Dirk Demol after the race, and look who walks out of the bus and across behind him:
Isn't that Jordan, the Trek liaison chappy, who had his nose broken at E3 during a wheel-change tumble?
Scary, huh?
I think if I'd been left with a phantom-of-the-opera facemask, I would have chosen to stay quietly indoors until it healed!
Mind you, perhaps he wears it with pride?
The final word of the race day has to go to Roger Hammond, who said at the start that a lot of riders would not finish. He was right - of 200 starters, only 104 finished. Phew!
And of course, all our best wishes to Fabian, and to everyone else injured in the race, hoping for swift recovery and neat scars. ("chicks dig scars")
First, last and during this report, we have to send our very best wishes to Fabu, who took a bad tumble at the feed zone and broke his collarbone in four places. He's been flown back to Switzerland for operations and recuperation, and I am sure I speak for all of us when I say that Paris-Roubaix just won't be the same without him this year.
Very best wishes, Fabian, for a speedy recovery - apparently he could be back on the turbo trainer in a day or two, but he won't be racing for six weeks: according to Dirk, the DS, he won't be racing until the end of May. Take it easy, Fabu, we want you well healed.
So, is it worth saying anything else about the race? Yes, of course it is. Ironically, when LLB and I were discussing the race the night before, over a candle-lit dinner, we had pretty much decided that Fabian and Boonen were quite likely to cancel each other out, and that the race would probably be won by someone "we've never heard of", we said.
"Svein Tuft!" we cried, simultaneously. Not exactly someone we've never heard of, but he is an honorary Schlecklander, after all. I made the radical decision that it would not be Svein, but would be whoever was wearing number three in GreenEdge that would win. Don't ask why, it was purely a whim. GreenEdge's number three was Sebastian Langeveld, and he fitted my criteria in that I'd barely heard of him. All I knew was that he came from Rabobank.
So, race coverage starts, we were watching it "delayed", which means that it was showing live on TV, and we were recording it, then watching it about 15 minutes later. We do this so that we can pause, and rewind if we want to re-watch bits: it also means that we can skip forward through the adverts, until such time as we catch up with the live footage again. David Harmon was commentating again, along with Brian Smith and his impenetrable accent, and we came in with 140km to go, with Argos Shimano in the break.
David H was very happy that they are no longer Project ITV4 or whatever it was (thank you, Leelu, I do know what it was really, but it's such a clumsy name that it's much funnier to just refer to them as ITV4 as that's what it looks like), as he never enjoyed referring to them as The Project. Their kit doesn't seem to be changed very much, it's still mostly white with some light green, and it's still nice.
He made a reference to the Argos part not being the UK chain of shops, but being Argos Oil: for all non-UK viewers, "Argos" is a chain of cheap warehouse-type shops who are desperately trying to improve their image, and who recently had a series of adverts featuring a pretentious rock star and his over-stressed assistant, who buys him stuff cheaply but pretends it comes from an exclusive shop pronounced Arr-GOOSE. I'm afraid that Argos Shimano are likely to be ArrGOOSE to us, for some time.. but it's still a nice kit.
There's not much going on in the race, and David Harmon is gossipping: he is telling us that he met up with Roger Hammond earlier (who was in the area, training) who had expressed the opinion that many riders would not finish the ride today. Who is Roger Hammond? He's an English rider who, up to last year, was with Cervelo Test Team/Garmin Cervelo, but his contract wasn't renewed and he found himself without a team this year, so he's riding at a lower level now: but I used to like him, as he was one rider who was extremely easy to pick out in a peloton, as he rode so very low to his bike. I used to refer to him *looks over shoulder to make sure no-one is listening* as The Dwarf, as he appeared to be a whole size smaller than everyone else. He's actually 5'9" - just exactly the same as Stuey. When you don't know many riders by their style, it's nice to have one that you really can spot at 50 paces, so I'd made him an honorary Schlecklander some time ago. It's a pity that he's not racing pro-team any more.
Our commentators get back onto the subject of the race, and agree that Sebastian Langeveld is "in terrific form". Yay! He's my pick to win it!
We get to hear that the course has been changed significantly this year, to make it more spectator-friendly by concentrating the end of the course in a small area, crossing and looping, and doing the final loop no less than three times. Brian is dubious about whether this will make a better race, but does agree that it's easier for spectators if they can stay more or less in one area, yet can see the race several times.
Speaking as a spectator, I have to agree: and my attendance at the Tour of Britain this year will depend on which stages have loops in them. Talking of which, Inge, how are your flags coming along? I can't wait to see photos of them! Do let me know how you are getting on.
(No, I'm not expecting Inge at the ToB, but she's making a flag to wave, and I'd like to see how it comes out, so that we can look for her in the coverage.)
At 134k to go, it's already getting exciting - punctures, crashes, you name it - and BriSmithy says that this is "consistent with this sort of race". Nothing to worry about, then. The roads are ludicrously narrow, such that they can't get the cars up them: there are staff members all along the route holding out water bottles, and occasionally wheels (leading to cries of "Oh noes! It's Barredo!" from time to time) (remember that famous "fight" between
In these narrow roads, where the cars can't be close at hand, a domestique will be expected to give a wheel or a bike to his team leader if necessary; the domestique then has to wait until the cars can catch up with him to offer service. We see this quite a few times, and you do have to feel sorry for the poor domestique, left in the middle of nowhere having to watch everybody else cycle past.....
At 127km to go, things are warming up, literally, and an Euskaltel riders peels off his gilet and, cost-conscious as always, stuffs it into his back pocket. I have never yet seen an Euskaltel rider throw away rain capes, gilets, gloves, or anything else. Not sure about the bidons: perhaps we can all pay particular attention to see if the Carrots give them back to the cars, or discard them. (Bit of a sore point, considering what happened to Fabian, sorry!)
Cheers on the sofa, JVS (honorary Schlecklander) is at the front, as is Svein Tuft, another honorary Schlecklander. So nice to see my "pets" in action.
For no apparent reason, Europcar appear at the front of the peloton and push on, stringing it all out. This turns out to be a very good thing, as an extremely sharp bend approaches, which otherwise could have caused yet more tumbles. LLB reminds me that in an earlier race, David Harmon was criticising Europcar, saying that they are "never seen doing any work". Hah, wrong again, Harmon!
At 120km to go, Cancellera is at the back, having punctured, but he has Popovitch with him, and they are making their way back to the bunch very swiftly. Over a candle-lit dinner a few weeks ago, LLB and I were discussing whether or not RadioShack were gelling as a team yet: and we thought that they were not. So far this year, I haven't seen much evidence of what I call groupage, where you get a bunch of squad members riding together. Other than when pulling on the front, of course. It seemed to me that we used to see good groupage of Leopards, but not so much this year. Is it a lack of team cohesion? Is it due to individual riders being on/off form on the day? Is it a cunning plan to prevent the loss of the whole team if there is a big crash? We don't know...
However, this time it's working better, Fabian has a strong rider with him, all is well. In fact, they get back so quickly that they arrive at the back just as the entire peloton has ground to a halt due to a narrowing of the road. Fabian, cool as cucumber, hops off his bike, fiddles with his back brake, spins the wheel, fiddles again, spins it again, nods in satisfaction and hops back on his bike just as the backlog starts to clear. Beautifully done, Fabu!
We are expecting our coverage to end at any second now: for some unknown reason, Eurosport have split the coverage of the race in two. Does that mean the second half won't be live? Or will we miss me a bit? We don't know, so to cover our confusion, LLB suggests hot drinks and a bowl of cheesy biscuits.
The race settles down, as we settle down for biscuit-wars on the sofa. Sky are in a bunch near the front and looking good.
The commentators are talking about the possibility that the two favourites - Boonen and Fab, obviously - will cancel each other out, leading to an unexpected winner. Pff! LLB and I have been saying that for days! David H reminds us that the last time this happened, it was Paris-Roubaix and Johan Van Summeren was the unexpected winner. At that very moment, JVS joins the chasing group! I jump up and down excitedly, and LLB takes the opportunity to steal an extra handful of cheesy biscuits.
With 88km to go, we watch in horror as the Euskaltel car tries to squeeze past the peloton. This is insane! The road is narrow, with tons of street furniture, the peloton are strung out across the road, and the car is threatening cyclists and pedestrians in equal numbers. More by luck than judgement, the car makes it through the peloton without killing anyone. We sigh with relief. Too soon! Now the NetApp car is trying to do the same thing. The helicopter shots are terrifying, they show how narrowly the car is missing pedestrians, and some of the cyclists are now shaking their fists at the car. Our commentators are fuming, and are saying that this really can't be allowed.
Cancellara and a bunch of Leopards are safely at the back of the bunch: this is one time when I am glad to see them all at the back, and not at the front with the insane cars.
Suddenly we're watching slo-mo: why? Oh, so we can see yet another team car - SaxoBlank this time - again trying to squeeze past the peloton, and barely missing the cyclists as the car swoops back onto the road, just missing some street furniture.
Inexplicably, we are watching car racing.
We fast forward.
Aha! Back to cycling, 53kms to go, and OMG! Fabian's down and out, in the feed zone - shades of E3. The commentators are being told that his collarbone is broken, so he's out of the race, and as at least three of the squad stayed with him - well done, team - they are presumably out of the race as well, as it took quite some time to get everything sorted out.
Our commentators bravely continue - well, they have to, it's their job - with a discussion about Sky's helmets. I had already noticed, several races ago, that some of them appear not to have holes in the top/front (I didn't think you'd be interested in a diversion about helmet styles, so I didn't bother mentioning it here) and indeed this is the case. No-one seems to know why. Presumably there's a good reason for it? To stop the riders putting their shades on top of the hat, upside down? Or something more aerodynamic?
We're into the final 50kms now, and the racing is really starting. Gilbert, despite his dental problems, is at the front and making a big push. Popovitch is suddenly spotted up in the chasing group - he could be our only hope for this race, as the chasers catch up with the leading group.
More heart-attacks: helicopter shots of the peloton picking up speed through the streets, building up in preparation for attacking the hill again: some of the riders are bunny-hopping off the road and onto the cycle path in order to get around the slower riders. Aaargh! A pedestrian realises that he has a peloton bearing down on him at race speed, panics, and tries to run across the cycle path to the safety of the footpath. He succeeds only in tripping up a GreenEdge rider, who does a complete somersault and flop landing, with one tyre breaking loose from his bike and rolling around the road all by itself. Needless to say, the pedestrian is unharmed..... but the bike is broken, and it looks as though the rider is, too.
Yes, collarbone gone. OMG! It's Langeveld! Dreadful luck for GreenEdge, and there goes my prediction for the race winner.
Glumly, I reach for the cheesy biscuits. What's this? None left? No, it's LLB with his hand sneakily covering the bowl in order to fool me into thinking they are all gone. I give him a Look, and take a handful anyway.
Well, what a race this is turning out to be. For some light relief, we have FdJ with two riders making a push off the front: two other team members are at the front of the peloton, pretending to pull it along, but riding quite slowly. "They're not pulling very hard" says BriSmithy. Of course not, they are slowing down the bunch in order to let their guys get away! But our hero, Honorary Schlecklander JVS comes to the front, says "I'm not having any of that!" and steams past them.
Of course, he leads the peloton up to the two FdJ riders in no time at all, and one of them blows kisses at the camera bike as he is caught back into the group.
Incidentally, next time you're watching a cobbled classic, watch the way in which the riders' arms bounce and shiver as they go over the cobbles. I can barely imagine how tiring, draining and downright painful that must be...
Paolini, one of the Dark Lords of Katusha, leaps off the front, taking Flecha with him ("Go, Flecha!") and a Europcar rider. Next minute, the chasing group round a sharp corner and JVS flops into the barrier. Huh?
Here's a video of it: he's on the far right of the group, and it happens barely 10 seconds into the clip. As it turns out, he got off lightly: on the left, there was a major tumble and about half the pack came down.
Oof! Mind you, it didn't stop him - he came in 49th, which is perfectly credible.
Amazingly, we get to just 18km to go, and we have a pack of nearly 50 riders. I spot three RadioShack riders in the pack, well done boys, to continue without a leader.
Pozzato, Ballan and Boonen (the eventual podium set) storm off up the hill, and Tony Gallopin is there with them! Good boy! (LLB takes advantage of my distraction to steal a few more cheesy biscuits. I let him get away with it. It is his TV, after all) Sadly, Paolini, Dark Lord of Katusha, goes again, and Tony G can't stay with him. At least the three remaining RadioShack riders are all together - perhaps they are getting the hang of groupage? Oh hang on, they are all former Shack boys. Hmmmm.
Anyway, 13kms to go, over the top, and disaster, Gallopin punctures. Rast and Roulston continue. BriSmithy said later that if he hadn't punctured, the end would have been very different, so that is a real shame.
As we all know, the race ends with Tom Boonen winning it from Pozzato - and it's interesting, I think, that there is a graphic almost immediately after the one showing the finishing top ten, which shows the top of the UCI rider ranking. Tom Boonen, of course, leaps to the top of it now, so well done him: but it's interesting that the UCI are pushing this graphic at every opportunity.
As I have been saying for a year now, this is going to mean different riding styles: it's more important to get three guys in the top 10 of a UCI race, than to get one guy to win it!
One final pic, before we finish with kind thoughts for poor old Fabian: there's an interview with Dirk Demol after the race, and look who walks out of the bus and across behind him:
Scary, huh?
I think if I'd been left with a phantom-of-the-opera facemask, I would have chosen to stay quietly indoors until it healed!
Mind you, perhaps he wears it with pride?
The final word of the race day has to go to Roger Hammond, who said at the start that a lot of riders would not finish. He was right - of 200 starters, only 104 finished. Phew!
And of course, all our best wishes to Fabian, and to everyone else injured in the race, hoping for swift recovery and neat scars. ("chicks dig scars")
Sunday 1 April 2012
Luxembourg leads the way
Just to please Figgy, or possibly to feed her paranoia, I'd like to share this little gem with you. On the BBC website today, they showed a comparison of wages, with a clever little calculator gadget so that you can put in your own figures and see where you sit, compared to the average of your country, and the rest of the (civilised) world.
Guess who was at the top of the scale? No, not America, it was Luxembourg.
Figgy, are you shivering? Do you have goose-bumps? Yes, you are being haunted by Luxembourg.
Here is the page - obviously this is just a screen shot, so you can't input your own figures on it:
...but if you follow this link, you can go to the webpage, and you can (if you are so minded) put in your own country and your own monthly wage, and see where you sit.
Fun, huh?
I was wondering how much the average Lux wage is affected by having Andy and Frankie living there? After all, it's a small country with a tiny population, so those two must represent a significant proportion of the high earners, I would have thought?
OK, I might possibly be joking...
Guess who was at the top of the scale? No, not America, it was Luxembourg.
Figgy, are you shivering? Do you have goose-bumps? Yes, you are being haunted by Luxembourg.
Here is the page - obviously this is just a screen shot, so you can't input your own figures on it:
...but if you follow this link, you can go to the webpage, and you can (if you are so minded) put in your own country and your own monthly wage, and see where you sit.
Fun, huh?
I was wondering how much the average Lux wage is affected by having Andy and Frankie living there? After all, it's a small country with a tiny population, so those two must represent a significant proportion of the high earners, I would have thought?
OK, I might possibly be joking...
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