Pro Team roundup for 2015

Right! New year, new season, new set of team names to learn, and new kits to recognise.

Here's a quick round-up of who is called what for 2015:

2013	2014	2015
Ag2r-La Mondiale	Ag2r-La Mondiale	Ag2r-La Mondiale
Astana	Astana	Astana
BMC Racing Team	BMC Racing Team	BMC Racing Team
Omega Pharma-Quickstep	Omega Pharma-Quickstep	Etixx-Quickstep
FDJ	FDJ	FDJ
		IAM
Lampre-Merida	Lampre-Merida	Lampre-Merida
Lotto-Belisol	Lotto-Belisol	Lotto-Soudal
Movistar	Movistar	Movistar
Orica-GreenEDGE	Orica-GreenEDGE	Orica-GreenEDGE
Cannondale	Cannondale	Team Cannondale-Garmin
Argos-Shimano	Giant-Shimano	Team Giant-Alpecin
Katusha	Katusha	Team Katusha
Rabobank/Blanco	Belkin Pro Cycling	Team LottoNL-Jumbo
Team Sky	Team Sky	Team Sky
Saxo-Tinkoff	Tinkoff-Saxo	Tinkoff-Saxo
RadioShack-Leopard	Trek Factory Racing	Trek Factory Racing

IAM are in, and Europcar are out, having been bumped down to ProConti level for this year, and we also lost Garmin as they have merged with Cannnodale.

So, on balance, from 18 teams last year, we've lost two, and gained one. And as no-one else wants to step up to Pro level, the World Tour team roster is down to just 17.

Of course, this won't make any difference to the races, they will just invite one extra wild card team to make up the numbers. With any luck, it will mostly be Europcar who get the extra invite, which means they will be able to go to as many of the major races as they want/can, won't be compelled to send a team to every single UCI race, thus saving a lot of money, and hopefully we will still see Tommy Voeckler and his face-pulling at the front of the break.

I'm particularly peeved at losing Europcar, as I spotted a new Schleckland pet in Europcar kit at one of the final races of last season, and now I can't work out who he was. What makes a Schleckland pet, you ask? It's not easy to describe, a Schleckland pet needs to be outstanding in some way, and no, I don't mean outstandingly pretty: outstanding in character, in some way.

Luke Rowe was an immediate choice, I saw him at Revolution (UK track racing) and he had won his race, possibly his first win ever, and he had just been told that he'd been picked to join Team Sky. He was positively fizzing with enthusiasm, with lots of "I can't believe I've been chosen!" which struck me as a good combination. Later that year, 2012, he won a stage at the Tour of Britain.

Johan Van Summeren became a pet because of his quirk of tucking up his jersey sleeves, I still have no idea why he does it, but it caught my eye and I gave him pet status and look what happened then! Paris-Roubaix, biggest win of his career!

And of course there is Andy, first and best Schleckland pet, who had a great career.

So on balance, it's well worth becoming a Schleckland pet.

Anyway, there you have it, a quick listing of the teams: as far as the kit goes, we haven't seen much of the new kits yet, but it is only the 12th Jan, so there's plenty of time yet.

Trek Confirm Kit Design Done By 4-year-olds

On a much nicer note, I am pleased to see that Trek have redesigned their jersey, after all our complaints about the boring black, the invisible and worthless pinstripes, and the difficulty in spotting riders in the peloton.

They've - hold your breath, troops - changed the top quarter of the jersey to white, and added red go-faster stripes round the legs.

Here's Fab, showing that he looks great in pretty much anything, even with snow on the slopes.

I have to say, I'm disappointed that they've gone for pinstripes on the bottom but not on the front panel, leading to that horrible "I'm wearing a nappy" effect.

Also known as Groinal Emphasis, and I'm not keen on it. It's hard enough, supporting a sport where the participants wear lycra, without having all this Groinal Emphasis giving people the wrong impression.

Also I am very disappointed that they have missed the chance to put the rider name along the side, but have instead allowed a sponsor name to take that slot. Even one side - the nearside, obviously, as that is where about 80% of the camerabike coverage falls - would have done... ah well, I suppose they can't please everyone, and presumably there is a professional designer included somewhere along the process.

It's rather odd to think that we will never see Andy in this new jersey. *sigh*

Having nothing better to do this afternoon, I was on Twitter, and happened to make a comment about the new kit. Trek, who presumably also had nothing better to do this afternoon, responded.

After a barrage of complaints from myself and Emily about the Groinal Emphasis, they said:

I love their delicate pause before and after... area... *laughs*

Amazed that we actually got their attention, I took the opportunity to ask a question that, as all Schlecklanders will know, has been bugging me from the minute I started following cycling, and to which I never have had a satisfactory answer:

Well!

There you go, confirmation that any idiot can design a kit, all you need is a bunch of 4-year-olds and a box of crayons, and off you go.


















Actually *checks over shoulder to ensure no-one is looking* they then said:

So I guess we have to forgive them.

Even though they have clearly not taken any notice of the many, many posts I have made on the subject of kit design. I've just seen a pick of the kit from the back:

Oops! Looks as though they have all pooped their panties.

Or have been sitting on a black wall.

Or black tarmac.

I think it has to count as a "fail" if the back of the hat is more distinctive than the back of the jersey, surely?

Best Doping Defence ever!! *snorts through nose*

I couldn't believe what I read today in the cycling news: it's hard-hearted of me to laugh at this, but there you are, maybe I'm not such a nice Auntie after all.

So, what is this story?

Mauro Santambrogio of Vini Santini has tested positive for testosterone, from a sample taken back in October.

At this point, the accused usually comes up with some story as to how the bad, naughty chemicals found their way accidentally into their systems.

This time, the accused is not bothering to deny the accusations - oh, he took testosterone all right, in fact it was prescribed for him.

Why?  Answer:  "to treat erectile and fertility problems".

*snorts through nose*

OK, infertility, and the inability to get it up, are not things to be laughed at in the normal run of life, but he must be pretty desperate to come right out and say it - I can't imagine him being taken too seriously in the peloton this year!   Of course, he IS desperate, as he's already been done for EPO back in 2013, and a second strike could find him banned for life. But still.... he could have just gone with the fertility problems, then we would all have felt sorry for him.

Blackmail, Bandits and Anti-Sleeve-tucking escapades

Well, here we are then, fellow cycling enthusiasts: the Christmas season is over, we're all heading back to work, the days are imperceptibly getting longer, it's time to start thinking about cycling again.

And what news do we have to greet us, in this new year?

It appears that that the unlovely Mr Tinkov, who must be related on some sub-psychic level to the unlovely Mr Becca, is now threatening the UCI that if the US don't stop hassling Russia, he will stop sponsoring Stinkoff.

Huh?

Does he seriously think that the UCI have so much clout that they can tell America to change their political policies because, and I quote, "80 people will lose their jobs in europe"? Get real, Stinkoff.

Other news, poor little Atapuma was attacked by bandits while out on a training ride in Colombia.

"Gi'ss yer bike!" they growled.
"No!" he squeaked
"Orl right then, we'll knife yer!" they said, threatening the diminutive rider (he's my height and weighs two stone less than I do, the cowards).
"I can't, I've only just been given it, BMC will be furious with me!"
"Get 'im!"

slash, slash.

Atapuma is now wearing a protective cast on his arm while the knife cuts heal, but the report says that police have apprehended the two bandits, so presumably he bravely fought them off and managed to keep his new bike intact. Good man! Atta-boy, in fact!

Finally, all Schlecklanders will be well aware of the way that Johan Van Summeren constantly tucks  up his armbands. No-one seems to know why he does this, he's not on Twitter so I can't ask him, I've tried tweeting David Millar, team-mate at Garmin, but he never replied... so I don't know why JVS does it.

He's now moved to Ahh-dzhjee-durrs-air (thank you, Rob Hatch, for training me in the correct  pronunciation) and they, having seen what he did to the Garmin kit, have found a way to prevent any future sleeve-up-tucking:

Hah, let's see him tuck those super-long sleeve us, then!

Here he is posing round the pool, demonstrating to Jan Bakelants (5'10'') what it's like to stand next to someone who is 6'6".

Presumably JVS will use that extra height to spot the scissors...

"On the twelfth day of Christmas...."

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Quacktain gave to us:

"A portait of Andy!"

"Aaaa-ndy in Yellow!"

"Did my best at Time Trial.."

"AAndy and Jensie"

"Where is the tuftage?"

"Looking cool in Oakleys"

"Relaxing with Jakob"

"It's a - KAN GA ROO!!!"

"Slighty dirty face"

"I'm with my bike"

 "Don't cwy, Uncle Andy!"

"And a picture of Andy and Jil!"  Merry Christmas, little Schleck family!

And  Merry Christmas, Schlecklanders!

2015 won't be the same without Andy in the peloton, but here's my very best wishes for him and his family, whatever he does, wherever he goes, and who knows, one day he might be not-famous enough to come on here and say hello to us!

"On the Eleventh day of Christmas..."

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, the Quacktain gave to us:

"Aaaa-ndy in Yellow!"

"Did my best at Time Trial.."

"AAndy and Jensie"

"Where is the tuftage?"

"Looking cool in Oakleys"

"Relaxing with Jakob"

"It's a - KAN GA ROO!!!"

"Slighty dirty face"

"I'm with my bike"

 "Don't cwy, Uncle Andy!"

"And a picture of Andy and Jil!" 

Only one more day to go, Schlecklanders, can you bear it? Can you guess what the 12th and final day of Christmas will bring us? Will it be that shot of Andy, naked, at the window? Tune in tomorrow to find out.. *laughs*

"On the tenth day of Christmas..."

On the Tenth day of Christmas, the Quacktain gave to us:

"Did my best at Time Trial.."

"AAndy and Jensie"

"Where is the tuftage?"

"Looking cool in Oakleys"

"Relaxing with Jakob"

"It's a - KAN GA ROO!!!"

"Slighty dirty face"

"I'm with my bike"

 "Don't cwy, Uncle Andy!"

"And a picture of Andy and Jil!" 

Two more days to go and we will have to take down all the decorations and put them away for another year. So let's enjoy it while we can!

"On the ninth day of Christmas..."

On the Ninth day of Christmas, the Quacktain gave to us:

"AAndy and Jensie"

"Where is the tuftage?"

"Looking cool in Oakleys"

"Relaxing with Jakob"

"It's a - KAN GA ROO!!!"

"Slighty dirty face"

"I'm with my bike"

 "Don't cwy, Uncle Andy!"

"And a picture of Andy and Jil!" 

D'aaw, we all love Jensie! Great to hear that he's going to be working as a coach and general support person this season, and he's applied for a DS licence. Sadly, we probably won't see as much of him, as he'll be working in the team bus, or in the car, but who knows, with luck they'll get him to give out statements to the press, which should be a hoot!

"On the Eighth day of Christmas..."

On the Eighth day of Christmas, the Quacktain gave to us:

"Where is the tuftage?"

"Looking cool in Oakleys"

"Relaxing with Jakob"

"It's a - KAN GA ROO!!!"

"Slighty dirty face"

"I'm with my bike"

 "Don't cwy, Uncle Andy!"

"And a picture of Andy and Jil!" 

Ah tuftage, happy days of the Tufty Club.  Remember that suggestion that Jakob would sit behind Andy on the Leopard coach with a crochet hook? *laughs*

Well that's it, 2014 is over, end of an era, and today we step into 2015 and a Schleck-free peloton, with apologies to Frankie. The days are starting to get longer again, and it won't be long before the Tour Down Under to get us off to a new season. *sigh*