Even Team Sky are suffering.

With departures, that is.

Dave Brailsford, Team Principle,  took the brave step recently of announcing that every single rider and member of staff would be interviewed individually, and anyone who was unable to sign a statement confirming that they had never been involved in doping would have to leave.

"Brave" because there was every likelihood that he would be left with a team of under-25s!!

Dave Brailsford's policy has always been zero tolerance for doping, which is why the British rider David Millar is not riding for Sky, even though he and Dave Brailsford are good friends: Fran Miller, David's sister, is Dave B's personal assistant,  so they have close ties. But as David Millar is a former (reluctant) doper, even though he has served his time, been banned, been nearly bankrupt, and has come back from that to be a staunch anti-doping campaigner, he is not eligible to ride for Team Sky.

As we have seen in the news recently,  Sky were faced with a very difficult position when Bobby Julich, one of their Coaches, was forced to admit to doping 14 years ago when he rode with Lance Armstrong.

Dave had to decide: was he going to "backdate" his zero tolerance policy?

Or merely say "As long as you are clean now, it's ok."?

This must have been a tremendously hard decision to make - ok, for riders maybe you would need to take a hard line, but coaches? Does it matter if a soigneurs used to be a doper? Or a DS?  Where do you draw that line? Bruyneel is in deep trouble, but Uncle Bjarne is still running his team, and he admits that he doped back in the 90s.

Well, Dave decided to be strong, and is indeed going for the backdated zero tolerance. Everyone who admits it will have to leave the team, but they are getting a good financial send-off - the amusingly named parachute payment - and are at least leaving with some sense of dignity. He has made it plain that anyone who does not confess now and leave, and is found later to have lied, will be shot, stuffed, and used as a hood ornament on one or the other of the Death Stars.

I have to admire his strength, but I do hope that he isn't going to run out of riders and staff!

A few days ago we had the news that Steven de Jongh, DS,  admitted that he doped back when he was a rider, and he and his parachute payment are, even now, wafting down through the skies.

Today the amazingly-badly-timed news is that Sean Yates has announced his retirement as DS.

Obviously everyone is going to say "oh, couldn't sign the document, huh?" as Sean has a long history in cycling, as a rider, riding with Lance, coaching Lance, working with Bruyneel, etc etc.

But I've been wondering about Sean's health for a while now: it's a running joke between LLB and I when Sean Yates is interviewed, that he (and I know this sounds disrespectful, so I apologise in advance to Sean Yates and his family) sounds as though he is at least half drunk. He slurs his words, and seems to have difficulty following his train of thought.  It's easy to make jokes about doping or drinking, but for the past year I've been wondering if he'd had a medical problem, something like a stroke, or something that would affect his speech.

And now he's actually said “I have suffered with my health in recent years" and he also confirms that he has had the one-on-one interview with Dave Brailsford, who said “Sean has been interviewed and there were no admissions or disclosures that would have required him to leave the team.”

So that's all right - but what bad timing for Sky. At least they have another year of sponsorship contracted.. although, yes, we all know how contracts can be broken.

Which leads to an interesting thought - well, interesting for UK readers, at any rate: what happens if Sky decline to continue sponsoring the team? It's unthinkable that British cycling could allow this fantastic team to be disbanded: there has never been as much interest in the sport, and we did win the Tour this year, yay!

Fingers crossed that Sky see the value in sticking with it.

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Meanwhile, somewhere in Spain:

A cloud of dust is seen approaching a tiny, one-horse town in the middle of the desert. As the camera zooms in, the dust-cloud enters the town square and screeches to a halt outside the saloon.

The one horse rears up in fear, neighing, and is calmed by a toothless peasant.

The dust settles, revealing Andy Schleck and Jakob Fuglsang, riding a tandem. It is impossible to discern what kit they are wearing, as they are covered in dust.

Andy: "Splfff!"
Jakob: "Pfff! Thbbbt!"

The saloon doors swing open and the bar-keeper appears, holding a glass of water in each hand.

Andy: "gackkkk!"
Jakob: "kackkkkk!"

They both lean sideways to take the water, and fall off the tandem. Another cloud of dust rises all around them.

The bar-keeper looks down at them, spits casually to one side, then takes a bucket of water from the nearby trough, and throws it over them. The boys raise two identical mud-coloured faces, take the glasses of water, and drink deeply.

They look at each other, grinning, with startlingly white teeth in their muddy faces.

Andy: "Mate, whose idea was it to train in Spain?"
Jakob: "Yours."
Andy: "Oh. Sorry about that. Hey, it's five degrees and raining in Luxembourg."
Jakob: "And your point is..?"
Andy: "Well, we could be training there instead?"

They look at each other, remembering previous winters in Luxembourg (which has a climate startlingly similar to that in the UK ie lots of rain and pretty grim).

Jakob: "OK! Let's get one with it then! How's the backside?"
Andy:  "Ooh, not too bad, I reckon I'm good for another hour or so."
Jakob: "Right! Off we go!"

They swing their legs over the tandem, getting slightly tangled up as they do so - on reflection, it would be better if the one in front got on before the one on the back.... but they get their legs sorted out, and pedal off across the desert.