Catalunya 6 and 7

UPDATE: sharp-eyed viewers asked the question "What happened to Stage 5, then?"

*coughs in embarrassed fashion* er, well, I missed it out. Sorry.

*fanfare of trumpets* STAGE FIVE!!!!!

Our coverage started with just 33k to go - sad but true, we are only getting the last hour or so of the race. Such a shame, as the earlier stages of a race have a fascination all of their own, to see how the teams work earlier in the day, to see who is making the big effort, who is suffering from punctures or crashes early in the day, and so on. I can understand why they only show the last hour, and I can understand that to most casual viewers, the last few kms is where it all happens, but cycling is not all about the last sprint finish: it's about the build-up to it. If we wanted to watch just the last sprint finish, we'd all go to track events, where it's neatly packaged, with comfy seats and a roof, and only takes a few minutes to complete.

That's not to say that Track Is Bad - after all, most of our UK riders come from a track background, and by golly it does develop some time trial skills. But for me, road racing is the thing to watch, and I am happy to accept that there may be several hours of cycling that does not get the heart pumping. I like to watch how things develop, to see who is going well and who is not. It's where you get to know the riders, especially the ones "other than sprinters", and the domestiques who are never seen in the final 30kms because they have given their all, and are grimly coasting homewards in the grupetto. It's also where you get to see those odd moments of interest where riders smile at the camera bike, or pull faces at them: we get to see a bit of their characters at that point, while they still have spare energy to smile.

We are watching as they begin to ascend the final hill of the day, and our commentators are saying that Albasini is on his last legs. "He was on his hands and knees" they say. Ironic, considering he goes on to win the race... David Harmon has just said "Sorry - it's getting a bit dull, frankly!" He's complaining about the lack of attacks. BriSmithy responds by saying that it's due to the headwind, and I have no reason to doubt him.

We are now at 15k to go, halfway down the descent, and Sammy "Scary Face" Sanchez (I mean, have you ever seen his forehead? It creases up like a Klingon) zooms off on a steep section, as he is one of the better descenders in the peloton. Levi Leipheimer leads the chasing group after him: I have a little sympathy for Levi Leipheimer these days, for three reasons: 1) he's ex Shack, so he could have been in my team (not that I'm fully committed to the Shack yet, of course), 2) it's a great name, and 3) after the Movistar/triple crash episode in Paris-Nice.  He's very nearly an honorary Schlecklander. Anyway, there he is, leading the chasers: aaaaaaand they've caught Sanchez, well, that was exciting.

Is David Harmon happy now? He's a bit chirpier: now he's suggesting that there should be guerrilla points, randomly allocated at various points in the race - like moveable sprint points - "to make it interesting". He is clearly struggling with his commentating today, maybe there aren't any good tweets for him to talk about?

The finish was a repeat of the climbers-sprinting finish, with my pet Rigoberto Uran coming in second after Julien Simon of Saur-Sojasun, who whizzes across the line, completely fails to stop, barges through the crowd of officials, chaperones and press, and crashes head-first into the podium.  Lovely helicopter shot of him lying on his back, squashed up against the edge of the podium. It would have been extremely funny if the podium had been one of those raised platforms with plastic "skirts", in which case he would have slid out of sight right underneath it.

Consternation from his team-mates, who gather round and try to pull him back on his feet. Consternation from the Podium manager, "Not yet! Not yet! Pee first, then podium!"   He's not hurt, just winded, and after a while he gets to his feet, and the drama is over.

Albasini, meanwhile, has thrown off all Harmon's comments about being on his hands and knees, and came across the line in what would have been 3rd place, except that he sat up too soon, and the Liquigas rider with the unpronounceable name gets third.

What? Oh, his name is Sylvester Szmyd. Sizz-mid? Size-Myde? They are saying Schmidt - I guess that's close enough.

And finally, on the podium we get - National Costume!!  About time, too!

OK, back to the original post, here are my comments on the last two days of this race.

Stage 6 started badly: when we started watching our recording of the coverage, it wasn't cycling... not, not curling this time, but something equally boring other than pedalling - can't remember what it was, only that it did not involve Catalunya. We skipped forward - more of the the same. Skipped again -oh dear, don't say Eurosport have lost Stage 6? Aha! Wheels!

Turns out there was an accident on the road ahead of the race, a police motorcycle that was part of the convoy clearing the road hit a car (whoops) and it took them nearly an hour to clear up the mess. So the race started late, as did our coverage. Actually, it was worse than "started late", apparently the race was under way and had to be stopped, with a lot of people with clipboards and pencils making notes of who was where, so that when they re-started the race, it would be with the same time-gaps as before.

Can you imagine the horror of that job? Fancy standing in front of the peloton, all of whom are mentally revving their engines and dumping the clutch: you point to three riders and say "You, you and you, go!" and you turn a stern eye on the rest of the bunch and say "Waiiiiiiit for it! Not yet! No! No! Get back in line!"

You'd need a very big stick, I imagine!  I can remember a race from a couple of years ago, it was either an early season Classic or a stage of the Tour, where the race was held up at a train crossing, and the commissaires were trying to let them go in order (once the train had passed, obviously) and there were cyclists from the back of the bunch clambering off the road, into the ditch, into the field and round the outside, in their eagerness to get going. In the end the commissaire was simply swamped by the mass, and they had to just let them go. So unfair for whoever was leading the break at that point, and not exactly good publicity for the name of cycling.

Anyway, they were apparently re-started in good order, and we didn't hear anything about the problems of legs cooling down, or how you re-motivate yourself after such a long gap, or whether those with stomach problems (there were bound to be a few, it is cycling after all) were allowed to sneak off behind the hedge: or  maybe, if they were in a town, they could slip off for a coffee?  There you go, there'd be cyclists knocking on your door asking to use the loo, asking to refill their bottles, and maybe a ham sandwich? Oh, that would be nice, yes please. Tea and cakes? How kind of you, that would be lovely. A lift to the next checkpoint? Madam, who do you think I am? And kindly take your hand off my leg....

Right, back to business. Our commentators were still full of the Stage 3 controversy: they had decided that the stage should have been called off much, much earlier, possibly even before it began. They reminded us about the stage in the Tour of Britain that was called off due to 'orrible weather, and made some catty remarks about the locals not being prepared to admit that their area could suffer from bad weather. However,  what was done, was done, and another seven riders had dropped out, leaving just 124 in the race.

Nothing much happened until we reached the final circuit, where we encountered the interesting position that all 14 riders in the front group were 1' 32" off Albasini, therefore if anyone could get just one second over the others, they would suddenly be 2nd!

One of the RadioShack riders was in this first group - Bushetti, or something like that? David Harmon was struggling to pronounce his name. (I would have said Bush, myself - we are talking about Matti Busche, by the way) and Harmon eventually said "I don't know him at all."    Whispered comment of "me, neither" from my end of the sofa.

Finally, with just 2k to go, Sammy "Scary Forehead" Sanchez leaped off the bunch, pelted to the finish, sat up way, way too early but luckily still managed to get 2 seconds, enough to get him into second place in the GC.

Fired up with all this excitement, we went straight on to view Stage 7, with 50kms to go. "It's going to be a most exciting stage" burbled David Harmon. LLB pulled faces:  in the footage from Stage 6,  Harmon had spent a lot of time telling us that the final day was "just a parade". However, the profile looks as though it was nothing like a simple parade.  Discussions on this point are brought up short by the arrival on the sofa of a dish of small cheesy biscuits. Only one dish? Oh dear, there is going to be a fight.

26kms to go, nothing to report except for me spilling a little of my wine onto my lap. (it's all right, we were watching in the evening, not in the middle of the afternoon, we're not that decadent.) And yes, there might have been just a tiny element of "not holding the glass properly due to fighting over cheesy biscuits" going on in the background.

Chris "Face of Pain" Anker Sorensen has won the KoM jersey. Do we really care? Apparently, no we don't, as we continue to silently fight for the last of the cheesy biscuits. Tactics involve distracting the other person with a shocked "Who's that?!"  look to the far corner of the room, then stealing another tiny handful of biscuits while they are looking the other way. NB this only works the first couple of times.  And fails entirely if the opportunist says "Graeme Brown?" in a fake Leelu accent.

The race is very peculiar, there is a clear winner, but there are still 15 riders all on very nearly the same time, any of whom could get a podium finish. There is, as they say, all to play for. Except for Albasini ("Yay! Go, GreenEdge")  who is having a Sunday afternoon ride, smug in the knowledge that unless he is disgracefully careless, or stupendously unlucky, he is going to win this Tour.

Rohregger makes a huge push at 7kms to go and just zooms off. Hilariously, the commentators think it was Busche and have a repeat of the pronunciation problems of the last stage.  Next minute, he's caught and spat out the back, but he got sponsor time, so well done Thomas! Let's be grateful that the backroom boys are by now fully informed that it is not actually necessary to win a race: sometimes, sponsor time is enough.

Talking of Busche, ooof! He's into the arnco barrier and sitting on the road. Again, it's sponsor time, but possibly not the best way of obtaining it. There are glum faces on the sofa - yes, all the cheesy biscuits have gone. Our footage returns from Busche to the race, oh, we've missed the excitement, there has been a mad break for the line, and it's another climbers' sprint to the finish line.  Rigoberto Uran comes 4th in the stage, not bad, and 5th in the GC, not bad at all!

There are no big wins for the RadioSchack team, but considering they were down to just four members from an eight-man team, that's not too bad. At least those four managed to finish!

So there you have it, cheesy biscuits all gone (except for a couple of broken ones that went down between the sofa cushions during a particularly giggly competitive episode, and neither of us are prepared to put a hand down there to retrieve them), Tour of Catalunya over for another year, and we are none the wiser as to Andy's physical condition or early season status.

We didn't get coverage of the sparkily-named E3 something-or-other: nor of Gent-Wevelgem (drat) but we are going to be getting the Tour of Flanders from Sunday onwards, which features mostly the Gent-Wevelgem squad,  of whom Bennati came 6th, which is not bad.

Alas, no Schlecks will be taking part, but I'll be interested to see how Fabian does at Flanders.