Huh! There's me, all proud of the Schleckland Pet reputation (ie I award someone status of Pet and they nearly immediately win something) and then that rotten little sneak Paolini lets me down.
Yes, Dark Lord Paolini has been "done" for drugs. His tests on Stage 4 revealed cocaine, of all things. What is he, a rock star? Although not a PED, cocaine is high on the banned list for the UCI and carries a 4-year ban. And it carries a lifelong ban from being a Schleckland Pet, as I have no tolerance for drugs: I don't "do" drugs, and I think people who do are stupid.
(Coug, with captain's hat, stands tall and proud with arm extended and face of thunder, pointing to the gate out of Schleckland. Dark Lord Paolini cringes at her feet.)
Coug: "Go, you miserable worm!"
(Paoilini (no, I can't even be bothered to spell his besmirched name correctly) crawls away in the direction indicated)
Huh.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, Stage 7 was - at last - as quiet and non-eventful as it was supposed to be, with nice well-behaved weather, nice wide open roads, and no major crashes. Apparently there was a bit of a prang in the neutral zone, where three of the Jumbo riders were chatting amongst themselves about the previous crashes, then one of them wobbled and down they all went, taking Contador with them. That will teach him not to lurk too closely behind. Anyway, no harm done, other than minor bruises to one of the Jumbo riders, so we can't really count that as an incident.
The ending was quite interesting - it was a bunch sprint, as it was supposed to be, but it was all a bit narrow and twisty, and apparently slightly uphill, which made it a bit tricky. Cav did a great job, he bumped shoulders with Sagan, swerved stylishly round a Dark Lord (being careful not to breathe in too deeply in case there was a haze of fine white powder round him) then zoomed past Gummy Gruipel and took the stage quite comfortably, with a great show of fabulous straight white teeth. It was worth all that surgery and angst, to get them straightened, wasn't it? I thought it was interesting that Sagan simply didn't have the speed of Cav.
And what of today? Stage 8 is long, a bit bumpy, and has a Murder at the end of it. It's not as steep as the Murder Hay, but it is longer, so it's going to be an endurance test. And then tomorrow, Sunday, we have the long-awaited TTT which should be a lot more nail-biting than usual, as several teams are going to be a bit short-handed.
Can't wait!
Judge Coug: I therefore sentence you to 4 years hard labour somewhere in a deep dark corner of the Astana camp (I know it's a bit harsh on Astana...) and banishment from being a Schlecklander Pet for life
ReplyDeletePaolini: I swear Miss that I thought it was just icing sugar!
Judge Coug: Wha wha cry me a river...
I seem to have no sympathy for Paolini, always thought he was a bit dodgy anyway.
Today's stage was almost boring, though I did enjoy the sights of the chateau that I am going to live in with Jakob "bunny ears" Fuglsang, Oh dear I think that nickname has stuck now, dreadfully sorry and all lol
I'm laughing mightily at the promotion to Judge!
ReplyDeleteGet thee hence, Paolini, you nasty little worm: either you are using drugs for a sinister reason, to mask PEDs, in which case you are a doper and dispicable:or you were using it recreationally in which case you are a party animal (like Boonen) and I just don't think that is clever or funny for a professional athlete to ruin their body and brains on using drugs.
So there.
*makes firm moral stance.*