Fleche Wallone: 86th and rising!

Our coverage started with just 69k to go, but the picture was truly awful, jittering, blurred, and smeary. We gathered that there was a breakaway of three riders - clearly a TV break, as they are all shitsmall teams - (oh, with apologies to IAM who may be going on to great things next year if they get Pro status and Cancellara) and through the fuzziness of the picture we can just make out BMC on the front of the peloton, pulling for PhilGil.

Just as I say to LLB "I can't watch an hour and a half of this!" the picture suddenly steadies, then snaps into focus.

Oh good.

David Harmon makes a comment about Sky not being dominant in the classics so far, and suggests that they have "got it wrong", along with a suggestion that it would be a bit ambitious to expect one team to be dominant in all races, and as Sky did so well in the Grand Tours last year, perhaps they should be satisfied with that, and  not try to win the Classics as well. An interesting viewpoint: when I worked for Nissan, many years ago, they were dominant in BTCC racing, to the point where after winning every single race for two seasons running, the other teams were losing sponsors and dropping out - so Nissan withdrew from the sport altogether.  On that basis,  maybe it's a good thing that Sky aren't taking over all the Classics?

On the same subject, apparently Kurt Asle Arvesen, one of the Sky coaches, (and a former Sky rider) spoke to Cancellera, about the possibility of him joining Sky. Nothing came of it, but wow, can you imagine Sky with Cancellara on board? They would win everything!! I think it's unlikely though - and a lot more likely that Fab will go to IAM.  That's still just rumour at this stage, but a rumour that keeps on getting repeated. Well, I think we all agree that Fab is going to leave Shack at the end of the season (leaving Andy behind, sob! sob!) and although they still have Andy and Frankie shackled into long contracts, I personally think it's likely that the team is going to fizzle out at the end of the year, what with Shack withdrawing their sponsorship, and Nissan already gone.  With their reputation, and links with Armstrong, I can't help feeling it would be better to let the name die, and maybe to get Trek to sponsor a different team.

Wonder who Trek would sponsor? Perhaps they'd go with Fabian to IAM? IAM-TREK?  *laughs*  IAM Trek, hear me squeak!

Back at the race, we now have stop-motion photography - you know, that really, really bad stuff from the days of Sinbad and Jason and the Argonauts, where they move the plasticine monster on one step at a time. Harmon is giggling, because it makes it look as though they are pedalling backwards, but I am getting concerned about a plasticine dinosaur lunging jerkily out of the woods. I'm also getting a headache.

Contador changes bikes - is there a hill approaching? It's been a while since we saw him playing that game.

Oh no, our commentators are having another big debate as to why Sky haven't won any classics. Brian Smith says they have overtrained, and have just got it wrong - on the other hand,  I am wondering if they have merely worked out that having three riders in the top 10 gives them more points than having one rider on the podium?

52k to go, and there's a crash! Just one rider down, thank heavens, it's someone from Team Colombia: he gets back on his bike, but is shaking his fingers and looking pained. Although I am trying to be sympathetic, I am distracted by his weird rainbow-coloured shoes. They are strangely fuzzy, as though the stripes have run in the rain... but it's not raining. Just some rather strange coverage, I think. BriSmithy completely ignores the crash, and continues to analyse Sky's shortcomings. Am I the only one getting a bit tired of this?

Shack jump off the front! Is it Andy?

No-one mentions it, so we assume not, and at 48k the gap is down to 20 seconds and the cars are being pulled out. As an aside, it always looks odd when the cars race past the about-to-be-caught leaders, you would think that they would just pull over and let the peloton go past them. Presumably they roar off in front to find a safe pulling-in place? Or maybe just to make the break feel bad?

5k later and we are back to stop-motion again, groan: the break still have 20 seconds, I am still expecting dinosaurs to leap out from the trees, and despite the terrible picture, BriSmithy continues talking non-stop. Usually he has to be prodded by his co-commentator, but not today. He keeps going on about a small murder (bearing in mind that he is very Scottish, he calls it a murder/wee) but I suddenly realise that he must mean Mur de Huy. Wups!

Oh crikey, even the helicopter shots are now stop-motion, which is just plain strange: clearly a transmission problem, but this race is organised by ASO. They do the Tour, for heaven's sake!! Come on, get your act together!

With 32k to go, the route goes through the town and heads towards the hill - we see all the team buses, wow, that's a daft place to park them. Don't look, boys! Keep pedalling! The buses are locked up, there's no point anyone getting off!

"Andy Schleck goes through, getting a  bit of a push" we hear. What? Rewind! Oh yes, there's Our Glorious Leader, but it's hardly a push, more of a friendly pat on the back in passing. Still, at least he got a mention.

We get a replay of a rider at the back of the bunch coming to a dead halt due to the bottleneck ahead, and Harmon says "Aww, go on, someone give him a push!" in a very indignant tone, until finally a stout gentleman steps forward, places a huge meaty hand on the rider's backside and shoves him into motion again.

At 28k to go, Monfort flies the Shack banner (did you check out the Liege photo gallery on the Shack website, btw? Lots of photos of Monfort hob-nobbing with Mr Becca. Hmmm.) and pings off the front, now they're levelling off a bit.

They go, confusingly, across the finish line, with the bell ringing to remind them that there is another lap to go.

I often wonder if anyone ever makes a mistake, and sits up with finish celebrations, then gets all embarrassed about it...

21k to go and what's this? Two Garmin riders are off the road, what are they doing? Oh, Dan Martin has a puncture, there is no car in sight, so a team-mate is nobly handing him a wheel. Then has to do the wimpiest clunky-shoe can't-run-properly shoveoff ever seen.

Ah, one of the Crusaders - Blanco - crusades off the front - it's Ten Dam. Intriguingly, he only has his name on one side of his jersey, the other side has a sponsor name. I do sometimes wonder who designs these kits... Sky have the rider name on both sides of the jersey, at the appropriate angle for reading it when they are riding, which seems like such a sensible thing to do. So why doesn't every team do it? It would be really helpful for us spectators...I'd also like to see riders personalising their kit a bit more - different coloured shoes, or something: it would help us to pick them out. Come on guys, be a bit more individual!

The bunch is still 20 seconds behind the leaders, and suddenly there's Andy (*waves* "Hi, Andy!") near the front and making headway. Harmon and BriSmithy both exclaim "That's Andy Schleck!" in surprise, at the same time, which makes me laugh. Thought he'd abandoned, huh? Think again! Go, Andy!

Andy and Henao from Sky both surge forwards, look at each other, look at BMC massing behind them, and ease off. Wise decision, lads! BMC are presumably riding for PhilGil, who is presumably riding his own bike this time.

With 8k to go, Andy is off the back, but that's ok, he's still pedalling, and (to look forward a little) he does indeed complete the race, which is as much as I was hoping for.

7k to go and Rigoberto "so good they named him twice" Uran Uran is at the front, along with one of the Pyjama Boys. It's Jakob! Yay, go Jakob! "I don't think he has the power" says Harmon. Boo! What a mean thing to say!  But oh dear, he's right, Jakob pulls over - well, at least he got a mention.

Now we have not one but four Dark Lords of Katusha at the front, where on earth did they come from?

Despite being so close to the end, we get another shot of Andy, (*waves* "Hi, Andy!") he's with one of the chasing groups, but he's looking quite cool and collected, and he is leading the group. In fact, the chasing group are so relaxed that they are chatting, and Andy is actually smiling and laughing at something one of the others said. That's nice to see, he must be feeling better and stronger. Go, Andy!

Things hot up as the leaders cross the bridge into the village of Huy, and they turn up the hill: lots of elbows being used as they jostle for position.

PhilGil is at the front, as is my favourite Carrot, Igor Anton, along with Rigo and Henao of Sky, as it gets narrower, and narrower, and steeper, and steeper...

Sagan, having not been mentioned all race, is suddenly active, chasing after PhilGil: just as our commentators get all excited about his amazing performance - oh dear, he cracks. Ah well, they say, he's still very young. Now we see PhilGil going in zig-zags - that's it, he's cracked as well!  This really is a hill.  Moreno pings off the front and whizzes over the line, followed by Henao (which is pronounced hay-now, in case you didn't know: and every time they say his name I start singing "Henao - HENAO! Henao - HENAO! Iko, iko i-nay" and if you don't know why, go to You Tube and type in "iko iko" and "Dixie cups" to find out for yourself. I tried to link the video, but it just wouldn't work!)

Anyway, Moreno gets first, Henao (*faintly in the background* "HEY-NOW!" )  gets second, and Dan Martin gets third. Or does he? Bettencur thinks he's got third. Dan Martin glares at him. Our commentators are confused. We all wait, with bated breath, until the placings graphic comes up. There you go, Bettencur got it. Oh well, better luck next time, Dan.

Andy comes in at 86th place, out of 145 finishers, and his group is 4 and a half minutes down. Encouragingly, he comes in third of his bunch, so I think that's a real result and shows progress. Keep it up, Andy! We believe in you!

We must find a song we can sing to show our support, with a chorus of "we believe in you". Any suggestions, anyone?