Tour of Pologna

Tour of Poland! Tour full of inflatables!

Yes, that is my main and permanent impression of the Tour of Pologna, it was FULL of lovely inflatables!

 

Whereas other countries use banners, flags and so on, Poland - to be different - use inflatable, er, light-bulbs, with advertising slogans on them. Oh, they use the inflatable over-the-road arches as well, but they take the use of inflatables to new and wonderful levels.

I can only assume that it's a local company who makes them? I searched the Internet for Inflatabubbles S.A., or even InflataBulbs  S.A. but with no luck.

Shame, I would quite liked to have had one of my own. They seem to be filled with normal air (not hydrogen)  like lilos or airbeds, then simply tethered to tent-pegs in the grass, barriers, slow-moving pedestrians or, in desperate situations, heavy weights.  I thought that if I got one that said Eisen Andy, perhaps, then I could blow it up (ok, ok, funny guys, I'd take along a pump) and stand beside it at races, so you would all be able to spot me in the footage. It could start a new trend among fans.....

And it's not just arches and bulbs, we spotted inflatable bidons, square-headed things a bit like either hammers or old-fashioned petrol pumps (? No, we couldn't decide what they were either). we saw inflatable t-shirts, lots of those, and some strange lumpy grey things that could almost have been cartoon alarm clocks.

So, what happened in the race, then?

Well, I have lost my notes, so I can't make any intelligent (?) comments about the race itself. But I took some photos along the way, of things that caught my "characteristically Coug-ish" eye, and here they are.

Of Leopard-Trek: "You're going the wrong way!"

Of this charming couple: "Look, you're obviously keen on cycling, but honestly, could you not have picked a different afternoon for your wedding? You're missing it all!"

 

At several points in the race we saw horses being ridden alongside the race - how annoying must that be, there they are sweating their socks off, and some horses come merrily trotting alongside them.. not even cantering!

Anyway, this lot were particularly fine, they had obviously stolen been allowed to use some of the promotional flags, and they made a fine sight, fluttering in the breeze. Good advertising, too, as they got a lot of helicopter coverage.

With the flags, and their blankets, they had a strangely medieval look to them... somewhat like jousting.

Now, returning to the ever-fascinating issue of "How do they produce all those yellow jerseys in time for the end of the race", we have already discussed the iron-on transfers provided by each team, along with the possibility of the anonymous grey van containing the sewing machines.....  here is Kittel winning the stage, wearing the yellow jersey he was awarded at the previous stage. And look!

Oh dear! No team logo!

Either they didn't iron it on very well and it fell off partway through the stage, or Skil were so not expecting to win it that they didn't bother to bring any iron-on logos along with them!

Well, my apologies for this being such a short report, I shall have more to say on the Eneco tour, as I know where my notes are for that.. (*scuffs around on the desk*) .. oh yes, here they are. In the meantime, I will always remember Poland for the Inflatabubbles. I particularly enjoyed the way that they would start to "bobble" from side to side as the breeze from the approaching peloton reached them. It was almost like a Mexican Wave for Inflatabulbs.

Oh, hang on, these are not my Eneco notes, they are the Poland notes! So here we go.

Day 1: utterly uninteresting.

Day 2: Circuits. With two loops of the circuit to go, a mass of camera people at the finish line nearly caused a major crash. Strange sense of deja vu. On the next circuit, with only one lap to go, we were very happy to see the camera people all neatly corralled along the edge. But what was that? A car? Yes, a car parked in the side of the finishing "lane", with it's tailgate up and people apparently loading or unloading it. Aaaargh!

On the final loop, there was a terrible crash just 2.5kms from the end, so at least they all got the final time, but it was a very strange end to the race, with only 20-30 riders in the final bunch. The rest streamed in a few minutes later, limping and licking their wounds.

The coverage of this stage was terrible, we had no graphics for the time gaps, and no replays of what lead up to the crash, which was frustrating.  Kittel won it for Skil-Shimano, and as shown above, he had a blank panel on his yellow jersey. Oh dear.

Day 3: exactly the same. We joined the Eurosport footage with the same teams in the break, in fact I think two of them were the same actual riders! The commentators kept assuring us that we were not watching a repeat of Day 2, it really was live footage.

There was an interesting comment, that some of the smaller National teams were actually riding their own individual bikes - they didn't have them provided by a sponsor, or by the team! Wow, that must have been a nightmare for punctures, and for getting the correct wheels back to the owners later. "Ere, that's my wheel!" "No it's mine - yours is that rusty one over there!" "Oh no it isn't!" etc.

Kittel won the stage again, keeping the yellow jersey, and this time he had a Skil-Shimano logo on the front of it, but not on the back.

Day 4: allegedly containing Cat 1 and Cat 2 climbs, and they went round them 5 times. As audience, we love these circuits, but you have to wonder what the riders think about them. "Oh no! Not this b&**%# hill again!"

This was the day the news broke about HTC withdrawing from race sponsorship, so we were finally allowed to speculate about it, and the newly formed Team GreenEdge, who seemed to be hoovering up as many Australian riders as they could.

Which lead to the question, would Graeme Brown? (*said in Leelu's voice with rising inflection*) leave Rabobank to go to GreenEdge? Would Greg Henderson leave Sky? OK, he's from New Zealand, so would they want him as well? Is there still a rivalry/bit of friction between Oz and NZ? Or will they choose to be Southern Hemisphere V Northern Pootfahs?

Back to the racing - Sky were suddenly making themselves known, with a big train pulling on the front: and with one lone HTC rider at the back. Was he trying them out for size, do we think? As mentioned before, I'm kinda hoping for Cav to go to GreenEdge to be their huge star, although I am now resigned to him coming to Sky. (*pulls slightly grumpy face*) Nothing against Cav per se, but his presence would completely change the character of the Sky team, especially for the Tour. Oh well, in due course....

We are still shouting "Hi, Leelu!" at random members of the crowd, even though we know that Leelu is not there. It's become habit. One of us says "Hi, Leelu!" and waves at the TV, and the other says something like "I see Leelu's put on a bit of weight/several years/is now a man/dyed her hair/grown her hair/cut her hair/" as appropriate.

Passers-by are causing much amusement today: here, we see a chap with two bags of shopping walking calmly along the footpath, ignoring the cyclists rushing past. There, we see a girl with two walking poles, looking utterly confused at being expected to get off the road while the peloton rushes past. Today the scenery looks more like Switzerland than Poland: it's very neat and tidy. I hate to say this, but most of the Poland that we have seen so far has been, well, a bit shabby.

Day 5: Lots of horses - picture above. Lots of discussion from the commentators about transfers, Quickstep and Omega Pharma merging, Lotto going it alone, etc. Now, every small and hopeless break is renamed a "Contract Break" instead of just being a "TV Break" , on the grounds that suddenly all the riders are trying to be highly visible, in order to be offered a contract.

A nice 10-man break goes away, and it includes Rohregger from L-T, and Laurent Didier, Luxembourgish SaxoBlank Stay-at-homer. (well, he might have been part-way through a contract, who knows.) Didier had been looking good, but he suddenly blew up and fell off the back of the break. Rohregger was immediately on his radio: "Cancel Didier's contract offer!"

As an aside, I suddenly recognise the Polish national team, in their red shorts.....  and no thank you, I don't want to see THAT photo again.

At that moment, a useful distraction occurs - Rohregger attacks! He pulls away from the bunch - and then eases off and looks over his shoulder. Oh dear, we know who he's been training with, don't we?

Some of the Inflatabubbles are not surviving the day, and we spot some sad, limp ballons along the course. I suspect that some of the riders are feeling a bit like that as well.

Day 7:  There's a great intermediate sprint point, 2 laps from the end, which is endlessly repeated and discussed, and repeated in slow-mo, and discussed again, and repeated again. Sagan and Barbie Barbie nearly crash into each other, and there is some arm-waving. Who was right? Who was wrong? Who was dangerous? Who should have given way?  Eventually they all agree with me:  I say that Barbie Barbie did everything correctly, and he held back and even swerved away slightly at a moment when he could have been very unkind, and could have forced Sagan into the barriers. It was all worth it, Barbie Barbie gets the 3 second bonus, but not for himself - he just wanted to prevent Sagan from winning them, thus helping his team-mate Dan Martin who is leading by just 3 seconds. Exciting stuff! Chess on wheels!

Finally, we are at the final lap, of the final day. Team Unpronouncable of Poland are out at the front (the one with all the letter "C"s on their orange kit, making them look like Euskatel riders who have been seriously kicked by a lot of very neat and tidy horses) and Sky are chasing. "Why?" ask the commentators. Answer: it's a perfectly ordinary TV break! They spend the next ten minutes saying "Sky are at the front", "Sky are leading the chase", "Sky are still leading well", "Sky are bringing the gap down" and they also name the individual riders: "Stannard is looking strong" etc.

That is why I am always screaming at the TV set for Leopard Trek to Do Something: it doesn't matter if they fail, they just need to get the faces out there, get the name mentioned, get what we call Sponsor Time. And while we're on the subject, I could do with seeing a few more smiles from the Leopards. Don't you think so? There are certain riders who will always smile at the camera bike as it pans past, or wave, or acknowledge them in some way. Riders who do this almost invariably get a name-check, and often they get a slow-mo repeat. Sponsor time, guys! And as fans, we love to see your happy little faces, even if you are suffering, even if you would rather concentrate a bit. Even a suffering face is ok, actually, as then we all say "d'aaaw!" and want to push you up the hill. Please guys - be more visible, take glasses off from time to time, smile at camerabikes. Thank you.

So, that was the Tour of Poland, and I think I enjoyed the wobbling Inflatabubbles more than anything else....