What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
Ans: A Holly Davidson
News in the cycling world today that disgraced former (briefly) Schlecklander pet Luca Paolini has presented the anti-doping authorities with what is possibly the worst ever defence.
He admitted to "doing" cocaine (stupid boy) but said that he only did it to overcome his addiction to sleeping pills.
*facepalm*
His defence, if you can call it that, is that members of the peloton have to take sleeping pills during the Tour, otherwise they just can't get enough sleep, what with gruelling race days, wear and tear on the body (not to mention crash damage), incessant transfers, sub-standard hotels (you might remember that ASO banned the use of campervans for "star" riders after Richie Porte admitted that having his own private RV was wonderful...), noise, drug testing etc. So they take sleeping pills in order to get some kip.
However, as is the case with almost all drugs, including alcohol, caffeine and chocolate (*laughs*) they are addictive, which means you reach a point where you can't manage without them, and at the same time, you need higher and higher doses to achieve the same level of enjoyment/relaxation/stupefaction. So you take more and more of them. So you can't wake up in the morning, having taken enough sleeping stuff to lay out a small elephant... so you need something stronger than a cup of coffee to get you going again. Hence the cocaine, Paolini said, although he apparently said that all this occurred in the lead-up to the Tour, not actually AT the Tour. He said.
Do we believe him? Well, not really - he is a Dark Lord, after all. It was foolish and short-sighted of me to promote him to Schlecklander pet *rolls eyes* and I promise I will be more discriminating in future...
Meanwhile: today's Christmas Schleckland Archive Pic: Andy Schleck naked. Check it out!
Never did think cyclists looked good with their shirts off, even Jakob. Still, I wouldn't say no...
ReplyDeleteJust thought I would get one last smutting remark in before 2016 rolls on
Ha ha, don't worry, we ALL knew what you meant!!
DeleteApparently he has now put on weight and "does not recognise" his legs, which is terrible from a pro rider point of view, but good from a general "blimey, look at the spaghetti-legs on that" point of view.
I have never, ever been able to take cyclists seriously in clothing other than riding kit! They all look so lean, pumped and pneumatic in lycra, but in teeshirt and jeans they generally look unhealthily scraggy. With the possible, probable and oh-yes-definitely exception of Fabian, of course.
Happy New Year, everyone, hope you enjoy the rest of the 12 Days Of Terrible Jokes - yup, you ain't clear of them yet!