Tour of Oman 1 and 2

We're only getting a 30minute "magazine" version of the footage, so it's just a quick intro, a brief travelogue, highlights and the finish, with my pet commentator Rob Hatch over-enunciating enthusiastically as always, doing a brave job of commenting all alone, but - strangely - trying to make it sound as though he doesn't already know the ultimate outcome of the stage.

Stage one went past so briefly that I don't remember much about it, other than noting that there was background music, which seemed very odd for a cycle race. Presumably that was added to fill in the gaps when the poor lone commentator had to stop to draw a breath, or sneeze, or take a drink? Oh, and Bob Jungels from Lux won the stage, which was probably very pleasing for Our Andy, assuming he was watching the race.

(Meanwhile, somewhere in Luxembourg:

TinkerJil: Andy, love, the Tour of Oman is on, aren't you going to watch it?
Andy: (grumpily) No.
TinkerJil: Aww, come on, Jungley is in it.
Andy: (grumpily) No.
TinkerJil: (wheedling) Men in lycra? Cross winds? Come on, you'll enjoy it. (craftily) There might be echelons.....
Andy: (leaps in front of tv) Any chance of a cup of coffee, love?

end of digression.)

Stage two started with some seriously groovy background music - very much the 70s in style, like one of those self-indulgent 15-minute LP tracks by Pink Floyd in their experimental phase, or Tangerine Dream, in which case it could have been from any one of their albums.

The scenery was strange... if they had painted it red, it could easily have passed for Mars, being mostly sharp pointy unweathered rocks, sprouting directly out of flat level sand. I couldn't quite decide if the sand had been dropped on to top of the rocks, or whether the rocks had shot up out of the sand. Either way, it looked more like a film set than anything else - certainly not like anywhere that anyone would voluntarily want to live. The background music rose to a bit of a crescendo as the helicopter shot swooped over this strange landscape - I was expecting a tambourine solo at any moment, but luckily all we got was Rob Hatch pointing out that Romain Bardet - another Schleckland Pet, team leader for Ahh Djzhee Durrs Air - was working hard, which is what I would expect of him. Alas, no mention of Johan van Summeren, who no doubt did sterling work as a domestique for Romain: maybe we'll spot him later, and we can see if the new team are allowing him to tuck his sleeves up in the now-traditional JVS style.

Nothing much happened for most of the stage, leaving me time to reflect how nice it was that, even with just a 30 minute programme, Eurosport manage to find time to include a few pre-race shots of the riders relaxing before the start, sitting around in teams on the grass verges (honestly, this is the weirdest and loveliest sport there is: where else could you just walk along the roadside and say "hi!" to your favourite competitors?) including a quick word with the lovely Jakob Fuglsang, still working hard for Ass-t'na.

There is a sudden silence, with 20k to go - oh, it must be C30 tape and Rob has to stop and turn it over.

Dan Martin (and his teeth, now both riding for  Etixx) make a tactical error and get caught in the second group when the side winds cause the inevitable echelons.

Bob "Yungly" Jungels (Rob Hatch can't decide if it is Jungles or Yungels, hilariously. Mind you, we distinctly heard him refer to the Tourist Injury earlier) gets dropped on the final climb, he goes phut! and starts drifting backwards, when Dimension Data, proud new addition to the Pro peloton, get on the front and really start to pull. I have a personal interest in DDD (as their race abbreviation calls them, much to the amusement of LLB who points out that it looks like a very poor school report) as, last year, I donated money and bought bicycle number 3,448 of their target of 5,000. Proud!

Romain is still in the front group, along with the lovely Jakob who is working his socks off for Nibali as usual, when suddenly little Pozzaviva pings off the front, and we note that the AG2R (you can pronounce it for yourselves this time) kit now has a Ass-t'na blue sleeve. Just the one. Very odd.

EBH of DDD (heh heh!) comes from nowhere to take the stage, just as the soundtrack changes from Tangerine Dream to Lord Of the Rings soundtrack, which is a bit disconcerting: both Romain and Jakob make the top 10, which is great: and EBH gives a typically modest winner's interview round the back of the podium, accompanied by what sounds like someone wrestling with a set of bagpipes.

Well, it's short coverage, and not hugely exciting, but at least it's men in lycra!