Fighting in la Vuelta? Surely not!

It's that time again, it's silly season in the peloton.

Headlines read: "two riders ejected from Vuelta for fighting."

Fighting?

Pro cyclists? Surely not.

We all remember the last "fight", it was Barredo and Rui Costa, Barredo hit Costa with his wheel and they fell to the floor like a pair of girlies.

This one was actually better: not even a proper fight, just Brambilla of Omega Pharma Armbands and a Stinkoff rider (Rovny, never heard of him) slapping each other while riding along.

They were tootling along in the normal way, side by side, with Brambilla giving the Stinkoff rider "the eye", I don't know why: then from our angle, Brambilla was slightly behind Rovny, who suddenly turned round and slapped at his hand. It looked for all the world as though Brambilla had poked Rovny on the bottom. Alas, no on-board cameras on the bikes, we'll never know what really started it, but Brambilla slapped at Rovny's arm, Rovny pulled at Brambilla's shoulder and nearly shoved him off the road, then Brambilla gave Rovny a lovely backhand slap in the face.

Brambilla looks back at Rovny, who ducks like a complete girly, clearly expecting another slap, which he then gets, he slaps back, gets slapped, slaps back, etc etc, The rest of the group cycle past them, looking at them and clearly thinking "What the **** are you two playing at?!", while Rovny waves his sunglasses at Brambilla, presumably shouting "You broke my shades, you nasty boy, I'll tell my DS of you."

Brambilla puts his hand on Rovny's shoulder and pushes him, but it backfires totally, leaving Brambilla riding on the grass verge. Rovny waves his shades at the nearest car, but oh dear, it's the red commissaire's car: they have seen the incident, and Rovny is told to go back to his team car in disgrace.

The commissaire then catches up with Brambilla and a conversation ensues:

Commissaire: "You! Off!"
Brambilla: "What! Why? "
Commissaire: "You know perfectly well why. "
Brambilla: "No I don't. "
Commissaire: "Yes, you do. You were fighting. "
Brambilla: "Was not. "
Commissaire: "Was too. "
Brambilla: "He started it. "
Commissaire: "Look, I don't care who started it, you're fired.  "
Brambilla: "You can't fire me. "
Commissaire: "Of course I can you stupid man, I'm the commissaire! "
Brambilla: "Oh. "

Brambilla drops back to his team car.

Brambilla: "They fired me! It's not fair! "
Omega Armbands DS: "Pull over, son, you're out of the race for punching Rovny. "
Brambilla: "I never did! It was like this: " *demonstrates backhand swipe a couple of times*

Omega Armbands DS: "Look, it doesn't matter if you punched him or slapped him, you are off the race. Now pull over and get in the car."
Brambilla: "Shan't. It wasn't my fault. He started it. "
Omega Armbands DS: "You poked him, we saw you! "
Brambilla: "Well, he wasn't taking his turn. "
Omega Armbands DS: "That doesn't matter. You're fired, you're off the race, so get off the bike. "
Brambilla: "No. "

He pulls away from the car and continues cycling, swinging his arms mutinously.

Omega Armbands DS: "Get. Off. The. Bike. Now"
Brambilla: "S'not fair.... "
Omega Armbands DS: "Right, that's it, off the bike: wave bye bye to the folks at home, then get off the bike. "

Brambilla cycles away from the team car, waves  bye bye to the camera bike, makes a heart-shape with his fingers, blows a kiss to the camera bike, then stoically looks ahead as he cycles his last hundred yard in the Vuelta. His lower lip wobbles, and he tries not to cry.

The unforgiving camera bike won't go away, despite having had the wave, the gesture, the kiss and everything. Brambilla's lower lip wobbles even more, and a tear rolls down his face, as he mentally starts composing his letter of resignation, updating his CV and contemplates life in the Pro-conti league...