Andy Schleck and Jil

Oh, naughty me, I just can't resist boosting my search figures by giving this post a provocative title!

There is no real news to report or comment on today: but I am feeling happy, happy, happy, as I have finally taken my exam.  Yes, folks, the stressful bit is over.  The studying part was great, I really enjoyed that, but I have hated doing the revision, and preparing for the exam. However, it's all behind me now, and I can relax.

This means that I can now blog without guilt!!

In celebration, I spent some time going through the photos that Barbara kindly pointed out to us: in case you didn't see the link in her comment (*pats Barbara on the back*) it's here: Julien Garroy photographer. Get a cup of tea before you start, as there are hundreds of them! (cries of "Lovely!" from the fangirls.)

As always, some of them caught my eye, so I repeat a few of them below, in no particular order, just for the fun of it.

"We Are 'Bourg"

Ah, the famous double-act. Nothing will part these two!

Not even Mr Bruyneel (allegedly) poisoning one of them.

But the question remains, who is Two of Two? Or are they actually One and Two of Three? Do we count Steve in this?

(Note, for non-Star-Trek fans, this is a reference to the Borg, an alien race consisting of.. oh, look it up for yourself!)

 Ah, now this one made me laugh for several reasons.

Not least because TinkerJil appears to be wearing a Luxembourg garter.

Well, look, she does!

I am guessing that this is an early photo of her with the family, as she is unceremoniously shoved on the outside of the row.  Not between Andy and Mamma Schleck, as you would expect her to be, and as Martine is invariably shown.

I wonder who contrived the seating arrangement? Mamma Schleck? Maybe it's those shoes? Not the style, very nice, but the colour... my dear, turquoise, with a white dress? It would possibly work if she were wearing a red hat (Lux colours, you know) but that does not appear to be the case.

To be fair, I have to say that I am not at all sure what colour shoes I would wear with a white frock, having never had such a thing: I mean, white stilettos - no. Far too "Essex Girl". Black shoes? Hmm, that's probably what I would go for: that, or tan/beige.  Anything but turquoise. If  I wore a bright colour in the shoes, it would have to match an accessory - handbag, belt, scarf, or something. Red would work, apart from looking a little trampy... it's not an easy question, is it? Poor TinkerJil, did the best she could, and here we are, criticising her from three hundred and eighty miles away.

("Fringe! Fringe!")

Right, moving on, here's a classic "OMG, what were you thinking?" moment. What was she thinking? (Not Gabi, the woman with the large frontage next to her) "Here are my breasts" would appear to be the theme of the day.

But as we know, it didn't work, Andy doesn't go for much, much older women ("Drat!") even if they do have massive racks. Although, actually, we know that he and Jakob do sometimes get distracted...

 So, what message is Andy receiving? "Excuse me, Mr Schleck, sir, there's a bunch of young women outside who say that Auntie Coug said it was all right for them to grab you after the presentation..."

 This next one pleases me immensely, as I have often asked the question - has Andy ever ridden on the track? I had assumed not, in fact I rather thought they didn't even have a velodrome in Luxembourg, since the last one fell apart from disuse in 1952.

A little research indicates that there have been plans for the last 10 years to build a new velodrome, but they haven't come to anything yet. Earlier this year, January in fact, there were plans drawn up to build one actually in Mondorf, which makes a lot of sense - but the plans seem to have stalled, and I guess the problems that Andy and Frankie are having are not helping.

So here is Andy following the Derney bike, and I am manfully going to resist commenting on his position. All I will say is that Team Sky have a really solid track background... and it shows.

Ah, but this one is nice, isn't it?  Ah, happy days.

 Well, that's all for now, I leave you with the thought of all the Leopard riders getting out the scissors and chopping off the yellow Livestrong band from their jersey's left sleeve.....
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Andy Schleck's engaged?

No, don't panic everyone, it's another one of those misleading  "Wedding Fever grips Luxembourg" titles.

As you will know, I am often fascinated by the search terms used by non-regular viewers to get here: that's people who don't normally come here, but who have typed something into Google which lead them here.

I was just checking who was reading the blog at this very moment, and these are the search terms:

OK, predictably, "Andy Schleck girlfriend" is still up there in the top 10, although we are now getting "Andy Schleck engaged" and "Andy Schleck fiancee" as well,  which shows how people are thinking.

Then we have Christian Knees bike, errrr, I am not quite sure how that search string would get you here.

Then two actually using Eisen Andy, which is odd: I mean, if you know the name of the blog, you know where it is, I would have thought? Oh well, I don't mind.

But "nasty cucumber"?? Have I ever written anything about a nasty cucumber? There was that Schpleculation about Andy watching the Lux children's TV show with the presenters dressed up as, er, what were they again? Blackberries? But I am certain I have never written about cucumbers, nasty or otherwise.

*pause while I just quickly type it into google for myself*

Woooooooah.... *round eyes*  well, that's a search term I would strongly not recommend. Three straight pages of what are clearly links to obscene stuff, a couple of references to videos of making your little brother eat cucumbers covered in things like melted cheese and ketchup, yuk: one chirpy little gardening link to "How to protect your cucumbers from beetles",  then another eleven pages of sites you really would not want to visit. So much for AVG's "safe search" mode!

I gave up after 14 pages, so I have no idea how someone came here from using that search term. Whatever you were looking for, matey, this is not it!!

Dear Employer,

I write to you on behalf of your employee, Brisbane Gal, to notify you that she will be unavailable for work for the period of January 22nd to about, ooh, let's say the 30th, allowing for a couple of extra days to recover afterwards.

As I am sure your Human Resources manager will have told you, Brisbane Girl is a hard-working and valued employee, with an exemplary attendance record, and she has taken all necessary steps to cover her work in her planned absence.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Bris Gal's Auntie Coug.

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There, that should do it?

Yay, share the joy, Andy's going Down Under! (no silly jokes, please.)  Yes, it's true, he will be starting his season rather earlier than usual, so we won't have to wait until the middle of March to see him in action again.

I wonder if he'll be going over there a week or more early, to acclimatise: and in which case, do you think he'll be staying with Stuey? And hey, wouldn't it be fun if Jakob could take his new Astana kit for an outing as well?

Fingers crossed......

A bad day for Sky ProCycling...

...horrors, what a dreadful day - first we hear that Bradley Wiggins was knocked off his bike while out training, leaving him with a broken rib and a broken finger..

....and now I've just read that Sky's coach, Shane Sutton, has also been knocked off his bike, in a separate incident, leaving him in hospital with bleeding on the brain.

Predictably, there have been calls for the government to incorporate cycle-safe features in road junctions etc, but the real problem is, of course, that in this country, motorists don't care about cyclists.

Although I have to say that most cyclists don't help themselves by being "invisible", and by picking and choosing which rules of the road they are going to obey.

By skipping over red traffic lights, cycling on pavements (illegal in the UK) etc, they lead to a "them and us" mentality with car drivers determined - at some level - to get some sort of revenge.

They - the car drivers - never seem to think about the realities of aching legs, a sore bottom, getting soaking wet, having "hat hair" and so on... it's not all fun, being a cyclist.

It would be nice if we would all be a little bit nicer to each other.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Spain...

...the sun is beating down, the dust is swirling in mini-tornado shapes, and the harsh cries of a buzzard echo across the empty landscape.

Andy: "Mate, what was that?"
Jakob: "What was what?"

They stop pedalling, and the tandem coasts to a halt. The cloud of red dust around them subsides.

Andy: "I thought I heard something..."

He looks around, in a hunted manner.

Jakob: " Nah, nothing there. Come on, only another two hours and we can head back for the hotel."
Andy:  "Wait! There it was again!"

Nervously, he turns from side to side, looking over his shoulder. Jakob, on the back, looks back the way they have come. Way, way back in the distance, there is a small cloud of red dust. It is getting larger, and closer.

Jakob: (poking Andy in the back to get his attention) "Look!"
Andy:  "Ow! What?"

Andy looks back, to see where Jakob is looking.  The cloud of dust grows larger, and closer.

Andy: "Ooer, what's that? Is it following us?"
Jakob: "I don't know, but I can tell you one thing, Coug used to always be going on about zombie towns out here in the  middle of nowhere."
Andy: "Jakob! Mate, that was only a joke! There aren't really any zombies, you know."
Jakob: (a worried frown creases his otherwise perfect forehead) "But, but, she used to say that zombies ate cyclists, remember?"
Andy: (cuffing Jakob on the shoulder) "Come on! Don't be silly, there is no such thing as zombies."

The cloud of dust grows larger, and a strange whining noise can just barely be heard.

Jakob: "Right, that's it, I'm unclipping."
Andy: "What?! Don't unclip, how are we going to pedal away?"
Jakob: "Look how fast it's approaching. We could never outrun it. They must have stolen a car."
Andy: "Who?"
Jakob: "The zombies."

Andy looks at him. They both unclip, and step off the tandem.  The cloud of dust is nearly upon them.

Jakob: (nervously) "Err, mate, if this is it, well, I have to say, it's been really, really good knowing you, and I'm really sorry about that training tape."
Andy: "What training - what! Was that you?"

At that moment the cloud of dust screeches to a halt, enveloping them both in a cloud of choking sand. When it settles, a UPS van is revealed, with the driver rummaging around in the back. He approaches our Leopards with a large box and a clipboard.

UPS man: "Hola, Meester Fooogle-slang?"

Numbly, Jakob nods his head. The UPS man hands him the clipboard and asks him to sign, then gets back in the van and drives off, leaving them looking at the box.

Andy: "Well, not a zombie, then. Go on, open it!"

Jakob opens the box. It contains several sets of his new Astana kit.

Andy: "Tasteful."
Jakob: "Mmm."
Andy: "I see they went with the turquoise again."
Jakob: "Mmm."

They strap the box to the back of the tandem, get on it, clip in, and cycle away....

Making the Tour de France safer.

As we all know *smiles proudly* the organisers of the Tour are clearly reading this blog, as they are now thinking of incorporating our suggestions of reducing the numbers of riders, in order to make the Tour safer.

OK, *rolls eyes* so they didn't exactly copy all my suggestions: but I have another suggestion that might help.

One of the main problems is the sheer number of riders in the peloton, which - frankly - is what leads to crashes.

Too many riders all trying to get up the front of the block, and too many riders being squeezed into narrow pinch-points along the route.

Mr Prudhomme's suggestion about reducing the teams to 8 members each is a step in the right direction - although I prefer my suggestion of having teams of 9, but only 7 of them ride each day. Teams can then select the best mix of riders for each day's parcours, with the proviso that GC and jersey contenders have to ride every day.  So, basically, the domestiques can be interchangeable.

My next suggestion - ASO, are you listening? Sit up at the back, and pay attention - is to have alternative routes at a few points along the way, with teams/riders being able to choose which way to go.

For example, a steep hill with KOM points, could have an alternative flatter route.  Riders choose whether to go up the climb, or take the (generally longer) route around the outside.

Yes, those Buffalo Boys can go round the outside. Round the outside? Round the outside.

This would make more sense of the breakaways, for example: a small break could ignore the KOM hill, saving their legs by riding around it, leaving the KOM points for the genuine climbers arriving later.

Sprint points, maybe, could be treated the same way: with a choice between the shorter route, or the longer route with Sprint point. So the riders going for the sprint jersey would go that way, and the early breakaway would take the shorter route, in order to stay away.

Every "choice" point would be, in effect, splitting the peloton: thus reducing the size of the bunch.  It would also give teams a chance to demonstrate their firm grasp of team tactics (or not, ha! ha!) by forcing them to make decisions as to which way they would go.

It would also serve to keep the jersey points amongst those who are competing for it, rather than "wasting" jersey points on members of breakaways, who are often not even interested in jerseys.

And would tend to keep the jerseys separate from the GC contenders, who would obviously take the route that is easiest on their legs.

How does that sound, folks? Sensible? Silly? Worth a try? Do you have a better suggestion?